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ravenMy apologies if I've been cutting you off on MSN or Trillian or not replying to your LJ comments or stuff like that; neither computer is working properly and I've given up on trying to fix them. Pedar's computer refuses to cut and paste anything, and also refuses to open links in a new window. My computer just slows down to the rate of a catatonic somnabulistic Cambrian snail, so.
I don't feel so good. Bad enough to use "good" instead of "well" because "well" doesn't have the ring to it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's school, I don't know. Now that I say that, it has the peculiar flavour I do associate with school; that crushing feeling of boredom and irritation at how fucking boring they all are, how shallow and meaningless, how little they care. "They" excludes of course the usual suspects, but of them, there are so few left. They're gone and I miss them.
So yes, it's school. It's school, and general boredom, it's that stupid, stupid Crosby Herald article that got waved in my face so many times today, it's the safe and sound knowledge that my mother won, she got me doing the A-level subjects she wanted me to do, it's the fact my grandmother seems to think I'm stupid and nothing near as good and traditional as any of her other grandchildren, it's the fact I have only two years before the Inevitable Discussion becomes an Inevitable Decision, it's something about the darkness in the room crushing me the same way my family are trying to do, and I don't know any more.
For the first time in weeks, I want to go to bed. I want to lie under the covers and listen this album, Sleeping with Ghosts, or to Jack off Jill, or something along those lines, and fall asleep and never wake up.
And I don't want to wear a fucking tail.
I don't feel so good. Bad enough to use "good" instead of "well" because "well" doesn't have the ring to it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's school, I don't know. Now that I say that, it has the peculiar flavour I do associate with school; that crushing feeling of boredom and irritation at how fucking boring they all are, how shallow and meaningless, how little they care. "They" excludes of course the usual suspects, but of them, there are so few left. They're gone and I miss them.
So yes, it's school. It's school, and general boredom, it's that stupid, stupid Crosby Herald article that got waved in my face so many times today, it's the safe and sound knowledge that my mother won, she got me doing the A-level subjects she wanted me to do, it's the fact my grandmother seems to think I'm stupid and nothing near as good and traditional as any of her other grandchildren, it's the fact I have only two years before the Inevitable Discussion becomes an Inevitable Decision, it's something about the darkness in the room crushing me the same way my family are trying to do, and I don't know any more.
For the first time in weeks, I want to go to bed. I want to lie under the covers and listen this album, Sleeping with Ghosts, or to Jack off Jill, or something along those lines, and fall asleep and never wake up.
And I don't want to wear a fucking tail.
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Flustered!
on 2003-09-04 03:19 pm (UTC)Re: Flustered!
on 2003-09-04 03:33 pm (UTC)