Enough is enough, let me go...

[raven]

Two weeks of mock exams are over. Finally. The Classics was all right, nothing special, and I didn't do badly for someone who had done as little revision as possible.

The Drama was weird. I really had no idea what to write, and wrote a lot less than everyone else, so finished an hour early. I've never been so restive - I just wanted to stand up and leave and just go, because we've had exams, enough is enough is enough, let me go.

They let me go in the end, of course. I haven't done very well on that Drama but I'm finding it hard to care. As usual.

But yes. I was in a good mood, a sparkling mood, and I was walking down the road with Becca and Bev, and we were having a pleasantly involved conversation about our A-level choices, when a bunch of kids came by and shouted, "Fucking Paki!"

What else? What else could have brought me down from my happy place? Obviously this had to happen, today of all days. And just when I was telling purplerainbow the other day about how pleased I was that this hadn't happened in so long, and then, crash bang fuck, it does, and leaves me

I'm proud of how I dealt with it. I am. Becca inclined her head and said, "Woggy woggy wog?" to one of them. They were just kids. Younger than me. Bev shouted "Isn't it past your bedtime?"
I laughed. I couldn't help it. There was something irresistibly comical about that kid's face, faced down with Becca, much bigger than him, daring him to say something in reply to "Woggy woggy wog?"

But when they'd gone, something perverse and perverted inside my head sorted through the background fuzziness and came back with what that kid said, digitally remastered in painful clarity. "Fucking Paki."

I hate myself for letting this get to me. I hate it.

Fucking racist fuckers.

Comments

[scarlatti.livejournal.com]

Fucking idiots. >:(

I haven't had to deal with racist insults, but I've had to deal with similar crap all my life. (Insults flung at me on the street for other reasons.) And it does get to you -- how can it not?

I'll never understand the impulse that drives people to do things like that -- curse at and/or insult total strangers. It's usually groups of boys, too. Pack mentality, I guess.

It sucks, man. Must kick the Keep Raven Happy Initiative into overdrive now.... :)

Glad your exams are over, though!

Re:

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm glad they're over too.

And I'm also very grateful for the Keep Raven Happy Initiative.
Seriously, I love my friends. They seem to have succeeded in making me not care about what happened today.

I'm so sorry this happened to you too. Morons.