anxiety

[raven]

Things that are causing me to be anxious at the moment, a non-exhaustive list:

1. Sleeping (ahaha, it is a hollow laughter);

2. Wedding, comma, the one this weekend (what if it all goes wrong! what if everyone hates everyone else! what if the friend-of-a-friend band don't turn up! what if I FALL ON MY FACE! what if the carefully constructed schedule all falls to pieces! my entire family are coming! it will be just another instance of my inability to do anything right! (see also 5!) oh hell);

3. Wedding, comma, the one in December, the one that is ages away (ages away! ages! John Lewis are selling Christmas stuff!);

4. Welcome to Night Vale (I haven't listened to the latest episode - what if Carlos and Cecil break up? what will I doooo? self, are you really so invested in a half-hour podcast about made-up people? yes yes yes, oh help)

5. Continued unemployment (I had three job interviews last week - it looks like I have not got any of the three jobs);

6. yuletide nominations (it looks so complicated! there has been so much on it I've missed! if I nominate anything it will all go wrong and I will be one of those people who cannot follow simple instructions!);

7. Writing. Can't do it any more. Not a word. Making a speech on Saturday that I haven't written. Hi.

Largely due to (1) and (3), I am not on Twitter or Tumblr a lot this week.

Things that are not causing me to be anxious at the moment, an exhaustive list:

1. Shim;

2. Parks and Recreation (post coming on WHY I LOVE THIS STUPID SHOW SO MUCH, spoilers it has to do with municipal land use and planning!);

3. BBC Alba (I wish I were kidding. I just watched a thoughtful news report on the status of minority languages in Europe. I understood about one word in ten. It was great.).

4. Shim.

Comments

[musesfool]

*hugs*

I wouldn't worry too much about yuletide. I have been watching the spreadsheet and fully 3/4 of the things I planned to nominate have already been nominated, so even if you sit that round out, you will likely find what you want on the fandom list when signups open.

[raven]

You know, you're right - people other than me will def nominate Parks and Rec and Rivers of London! thank you for hugs. :)

[isis]

Yay Shim!

Good luck!

[raven]

thank you! :)

[sir_guinglain]

Three job interviews in a week is more than I have in three years... you are not doing too badly, I'd say. Also anxiety about one's wedding is, I'd say, entirely comprehensible, particularly when it's the first of two.

[raven]

Thank you. :)

[catwalksalone]

*hugs*

So for the sake of #1, try to take all the other anxieties one at a time. #3 is not an issue until #2 is done! You can't fix #5 this week either, so stick that in a box and sit on it. #4 you can slip in if you have time. If not, tell #5 to shift over and make room. What is the worst thing that will happen if your noms go wrong? Is it life-threatening? If no, then eat #6 with a nice cup of tea.

#7 will take care of itself once you've eased up on yourself re #1-6.

In conclusion: you are getting married this weekend and even if something does goes wrong it will still be awesome because YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED. What's the point in perfection anyway? <33333

[raven]

This is very sensible. thank you. :)

[lamentables]

Whatever happens your wedding will be awesome. I know this; I have relevant experience.

Breathe.

Relax. And if you can't relax, drink.

[raven]

Thank you for your kindness, dear. :) I have poured myself some wine, yes.

[soupytwist]

I am wishing you all the luck in the world, lovely, but I don't think you'll need it because:

1. you are marrying Shim, and I can see where Shim is on that list you just wrote. Even if the day itself is not exactly how it "should" be, that detail is the important one.

2. THREE JOB INTERVIEWS. Seriously, given the short time you've been on the market (comparatively - I am sure it feels FOREVER), that is amazing. Not even beginning to be kidding, that is very impressive and it says excellent things about your chances.

3. I am pretty sure nothing awful happened in Night Vale even though I haven't heard it yet either.

4. I don't think anyone really gets the new Yuletide thing yet but we will muddle through.

5. *HUGS*

[raven]

*smoooosh* you are so great and so calming! L rang tonight to talk about dresses and various other things, and we talked a bit about Thursday, and then we just had to spend some time discussing HOW GREAT you are and particularly how soothing to totally stressed out people. <3 <3

[philomytha]

Sending you more hugs and reassuring noises from here. It will be well. Hang on to Shim and let the rest deal with itself.

[raven]

Thank you, my dear. :)

[fiercynn]

I don't really know if this makes any sense, not having gone through intense wedding planning myself, but ultimately it's all about you and Shim, right? So if some of your guests don't get along, or if some tiny details don't go the way you planned, that a) doesn't mean you've failed in any way, and b) most likely won't diminish anyone's enjoyment of the wedding, because what they really care about are you guys.

Also Yuletide noms look more complicated on the surface than they are, I think - and as musesfool mentioned, you can probably sit out that whole process and be fine.

Also ALSO, I never commented on your post saying CONGRATS ON QUALIFYING TO BE A SOLICITOR, though I meant to, so, CONGRATS! The unemployment part totally sucks, but it sounds as if you are more than doing everything right, if you've had three interviews in just one week.

[raven]

Aww, thank you very much, my dear! Everyone is being so calm and reassuring!

[forthwritten]

If you need me to smuggle in a hipflask filled with whatever you like, you have only to say the word.

Your wedding will be wonderful. Ultimately, it is about you and Shim, and the lives you've already lived and shared, and the life you're about to live and share. We'll all be there to help you do that, not to fuss over the finickety details.

[livrelibre]

*sends soothing thoughts* 1 has to happen some time, biologically speaking. 2 & 3: the wedding isn't the most important part and doesn't have to be perfect; say I do or whatever and everything else is gravy. I can tell you 4 is not an issue and the rest will sort itself out:)

[lemon_badgeress]

I'm not so good at soothing, but perhaps if you think about a dumpy fat white girl willing to go around kicking EVERYTHING for you, you will laugh a bit! and you are GETTING MARRIED, HOORAY. <3

[cosmic_llin]

That is a lot of stuff. Sending good mojo, I'm sure it'll all turn out awesome!

[highfantastical.livejournal.com]

*gentle hugs* you are great, wonderful, and I think in the long run absolutely everything will be fine, and in the short term, the soon-wedding will be, and in the medium term, the less-soon wedding will be. xx

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, my dear. I'm really looking forward to seeing you.

[tau_sigma]

Iona, Iona, breaaaaathe. Oxygen is your friend.

Everything will be fiiiiiine; if you fall on your face then we will simply pick you up and place you back on your feet, with a glass in one hand and your lovely groom on your elbow. (He is very tall; if you feel you are toppling: cling to him.)

<3

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Tali! I believe you! I absolutely believe that that's what you'll do if I fall on my face. <3333 I ate a whole plate of rice and now I actually feel better! Also you are my favourite and I can't wait to see you.

[radialarch.livejournal.com]

/sidles into post (hello would you like to be friends)

the wedding(s) & job-things sound pretty nerve-wracking and idk much but good luck :D

yt noms seem incredibly complicated and the instructions are not entirely helpful so it is definitely not just you! D:

wtnv tho -- shall refrain from spoilers but let's talk about how in "dana" cecil lovingly complains about carlos's "penchant for chewing a little too loudly"! it's a good relationship, it's a well-written relationship, i'm just saying

/sidles out

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Hello! I would love to be friends, I love your stories! I am usually much, much less of a fruitcake! and so, in "Dana", I loved that bit where Cecil complains about Carlos's chewing, it's not perfect and beautiful, it's real (and obviously marriage is much on my mind atm), but then people on the internet were like "omg omg THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS OBV DOOMED" and I've been all, what if those people are reading it right and I'm reading it wrong omg omg, so in conclusion you are very reassuring.

(srsly, not usually such a fruitcake)

[marymac.livejournal.com]

1) Breathe.

2) It is very hard to fall over at a wedding when you are the bride, as you are at all points being held on to by or in close proximity to any or all delete-as-appropriate parents/bridesmaid/officiant/spouse/small child nobody is admitting to owning.

3) If you're really worried about falling over, bribe the small child to loudly make cheerful observations mid-ceremony, so that even if you do fall over nobody will remember.

4) Never mind the families, it's your wedding, enjoy yourself.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Breathing, breathing, breathing! *grins* Sadly our small children are pre-verbal, but I take your points. Thank you, my dear.

[brightlywoven.livejournal.com]

*hugs* you will be OK. We will not let you fall over. Except for in a good way xxx

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, lovely you.

[hathy-col.livejournal.com]

Parks and Recreation is SO GOOD. I love Lesley Knope, she is my hero.

Keep breathing, you will be magnificent and this weekend will be fun for everyone and sod everyone else. You rock, and emphasis on the breathing!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

It is SO GREAT. I am just mainlining it at the moment, it's so wonderful. I am breathing! I am breathing. Thank you. :)

[greek-jester.livejournal.com]

Here's my "hair curlers" theory of weddings, taken from a rather remarkable story from a magazine.

background:

The bride worked as a wedding planner at a posh stately home turned wedding venue/hotel. She planned her perfect wedding there, with the perfect dress, the perfect menu, everything planned down to the last detail. The night before, the wedding party bedded down in their rooms, ready to get ready bright and early in the morning.

Before dawn, a small fire lead to the building being evacuated. No-one was hurt and there was no structural damage, but the wing she was staying in, including everything in her room, was smoke-damaged.

She was standing in the courtyard in her pyjamas, fluffy slippers and hair curlers. The person who was marrying them turned up and said that they could either get married now, as they were (hair curlers and all) or she could wait several months until there was another open slot.

She decided that marrying the man she loved was more important than all the frippery, so she got married (in the fluffy slippers and hair curlers; there was pictorial evidence!) and went with a blessing months later so that she could have the party with her friends and family.

/background

In the end, is the marriage important enough to you both that, if everything that can go wrong does go wrong, you'll go through with it anyway to be married to Shim? If the answer is yes, then it doesn't matter what happens at the wedding, as you will always be able to remember joining yourself to him. Anything else is just an amusing story to tell at family gatherings in the future.

Your true family and friends will just have a giggle at any mistakes, then pick you up (physically or metaphorically) dust you off and help fix whatever broke.

Anyone else doesn't matter anyway.

[littlered2.livejournal.com]

We should talk about Parks and Recreation! I have only just started watching it recently, but I adore it. It's so cheering.

(ages away! ages! John Lewis are selling Christmas stuff!)
I saw mince pies in the supermarket the other day, but this is clearly utter lunacy. It is, as you say, ages.

I am so excited for you about the wedding! I will be thinking of you. I hope it is lovely and you are not too stressed. And even if things are not perfect, you will still be married at the end! (When I had my graduation ceremony, the college Dean of Degrees - very friendly, looked a bit like Derren Brown, gave us rigorous training in how to bow - told us, comfortingly, that as long as we made it to the Sheldonian in one piece, we would graduate, even if we got a few things wrong.) I am so impressed and awed by you managing the whole "feeling ready to get married" thing (a stage I hope to reach).

I wish I were a partner in a law firm so I could give you a job. You are excellent, and more than deserve one.

[littlered2.livejournal.com]

(Also! Lucy Mangan, who I love very much, fell over at her wedding. And most people didn't notice and it was completely fine.)

[roga.livejournal.com]

You are great, you are amazing, even this post is beautiful because everything you write is beautiful, and the last points (1) through (4) fill me with delight. Anxiety happens, it's fine, I'm not brushing it aside or undervaluing it, but you are so wonderful and you are going to do so much more than fine ♥ I have all of the faith. All of it.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're so lovely. Thank you, my dear.

[bibliotropic.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
Yay Shim!
I am feeling anxious enough myself that this will probably be incoherent and not helpful, but I'll do my best.
Re: 2. Everything could go wrong, and it will still be fine. I promise. So many things went wrong on my wedding and it was still beautiful and special and fine. The desired result was achieved. Guests talked about what a great time they had and most didn't even know that anything had gone wrong.
Re: 4. Breathe. If it will help you sleep/alleviate anxiety, drop me an e-mail and I'll spoil you without spoiling you. I mean, I'll just address the pertinent detail.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

<3 you are the best. I am so sorry you're also feeling anxious, it sucks. I finally listened to Night Vale last night - by expedient of falling asleep to it - and now I feel a lot better. Oh shoooooow.

[sfruof.livejournal.com]

As Ms. Knope once said, "My speech doesn't need your luck. It needs a surgeon general's warning because it is harmful to your health."

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I love her. You are pretty great also.

[stained_glass]

Ah, dear one! *HUGS!* For wedding at least, I can reassure that all your friends love you and will be with you and even if something did go wrong we'd all laugh and have a lovely time, because we're just looking forward to celebrating you and Shim and how wonderful you both are and how wonderful you are together. For the rest, God knows I am the least suitable person to talk in any way sensibly about anxiety, but the fact about your friends all loving you remains, and if there's anything at all I can do please just say. <3

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

<3 <3

[biascut.livejournal.com]

I talked to my sister-out-law last night who is getting married on the 28th, and I asked her how she was feeling and she said, "I'm spinning between, "Oh God, I wish it was all over" and ... "Oh God, I wish it was all over." But it is really just a big party for all the people who love you most in the world, and everyone wants to see you and Shim doing a lovely joyful thing, and it will definitely not be awful.

Helen was unemployed between jobs and going to a million interviews when we got civil partnered too! It all turned out OK, and I think it will for you too. Masses of luck and hugs!

[biascut.livejournal.com]

(Also, you know that someone who has had THREE INTERVIEWS in a week is doing something right, right?!)