help, help, I'm being oppressed

[raven]

Family reunion! So far an aunt has broken the kettle - coffee, guys, I need coffee, I really need coffee - and the boiler has gone, softly, kaboom, and the man from British Gas is doing ritual blood sacrifices beneath it, and said aunts are apparently lost on a train in from Manchester, my mother has decided she doesn't like what I'm doing with my hair these days, and I have read all of about four pages of land law since eight o'clock this morning, and Best Friend From Childhood is coming up this afternoon with an unidentified individual who was apparently at school with me (and described me as "very eccentric and political" - omg, someone who knew me at SCHOOL, halp) also have already had my quivering-in-shower going "omg, omg, NO ONE LOVES ME, BECAUSE I AM MADE OF FAIL" moment, or long sequence of moments. O hai, I was having a nervous breakdown, and for some reason I thought the bosom of my family would be soothing. I NEED MORE PILLS otherwise I will TALK IN CAPS UNTIL THE END OF TIME.

Also, if the phone rings one more time I am going to smash it into tiny wee pieces and throw it into the sea.

(At that point the phone rang again. I answered it. It was my father, wanting to know my email address, because somehow in the last eight years he has failed to commit it to memory. He has had an email from a friend of his, he says, who is a barrister and can give me a mini-pupillage.

...I don't know. Life, she is strange and amazing.)

I have a feeling that when this nervous breakdown is over I shall have to have another one, to get over it.

ANYWAY. I am going softly, quietly, insane. Please, all of you, make soothing noises at me, or at least be distracting in my general direction. I need amusement of the sort that will not cause me to have a nervous breakdown.

eta: an uncle has just told me that I haven't really thought through being a lawyer, because it's a lot of hard work. Is it? Is it really? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA.

son of eta: the internet BROKE. Then I burst into tears. Then it came back. I am sorry, internets. I did not mean to emotionally blackmail you oh god never leave me again.

Comments

[coriolis]

*has Hugh Jackman dance for your amusement*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

OMG, he DANCES. *stares*

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

You are very much loved by a lot of people... I know that sometimes it helps to know that.

*hugs*

I will now tell you things in the hope of being distracting...

I have been busy photocopying huge quantities of pages from books that are just too boring to actually take notes on. I ate Huge Quantities of Cheese at a going-away party last night. And I have been frothing at the mouth about the new John Lennon biography... I managed to spot two mistakes in it after spending five minutes flipping through it at the bookstore! I was about to make harumphing noises and say "I could write a better biography than that," but actually I think I could write a rather good biography given the chance, so arguably that's not much of a criticism...

Is it wrong that I read biographies such as this one solely in order to 1) grumble about which sources they use and 2) (in this specific instance) to gather more information about Brian's sex life?

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*laughs* How deeply ingrained your historian instincts are makes me laugh. Maybe you should write biographies! Yours wouldn't, at least, omit the good bits!

Re: 1) no and 2) really, definitely not. That's the important part.

And, you're right: sometimes it really does help to be told that. :)

[coriolis]

WAIT WAIT HANG ON! You run a Common Rotation comm? Did I know this already, have we already had this discussion?

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I do, yes! I haven't been particularly involved for many years, but they played live at a party I was at several years ago, and I thought they were delightful.

(No, I don't think we have had this conversation! I had no idea anyone else had even heard of them!)

[forthwritten.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Cute things: this (http://busterjourney.blogspot.com/), but particularly this (http://bp1.blogger.com/_oZZNY8B6HtQ/SJhbnYruPOI/AAAAAAAAAGE/qVuGr7TYwr8/s1600-h/IMG_0031.JPG) and this (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_oZZNY8B6HtQ/SKHv1SJQ0sI/AAAAAAAAAG8/xsa4Vj7J4oc/s1600-h/IMG_0657.jpg).

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

BUNNY. I want a bunny!

[janne.livejournal.com]

My favorite webpage for jittery days: http://www.cuteoverload.com/

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I am looking at pictures of bunnies. It is good.

[leiascully.livejournal.com]

I wrap you in soft blankets and coo at you. You are not made of fail! You are made of loveliness and win and brainpower.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I did just now retreat upstairs and hide self in pile of blankets. It's the best idea I've had all day. thaaaankyou.

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

Here, have a panda.

And yay for your dad's friend!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

PANDA. Thank you, I shall call him George.

[marymac.livejournal.com]

Impersonate Marvin (see above). When your inner monologue has the voice of Alan Rickman everything is better.

Your aunt broke the kettle? Oh dear.
Last large family gathering we had my cousin went home with my phone. It now has a sticker that says 'Sinead, this is not your phone, idiot.'

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Life? Don't talk to me about life. Brain the size of a planet and I can't get a cup of coffee in the morning.

...etc. I hate family reunions.

[amchau.livejournal.com]

Name a fandom, and thou shalt have a drabble. I'm not sure how or why, but I don't seem to have any work to do this afternoon.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh, The West Wing, please. Back in the early days, when they were all so fresh-faced and awesome.

[dougs.livejournal.com]

Singing to the tune "Frère Jacques":

Life is but a
Life is but a
Melancholy flower
Melancholy flower
Life is butter melon
Life is butter melon
Cauliflower
Cauliflower

Now try it with four singers in a round.

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

*so very impressed*

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

If I try to take a photo of Shim when I tell him *news* and send it to you, would that cheer you up?

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh please god yes. Pleeeease.

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

eta: an uncle has just told me that I haven't really thought through being a lawyer, because it's a lot of hard work. Is it? Is it really? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA.

reponse: Well you clearly hadn't throught through that comment, because now I am SOCIALLY OBLIDGED to improve my mental health by CUTTING OUT YOUR HEART AND EATING IT.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

With chilli sauce and capsicum. And righteousness.

[troyswann.livejournal.com]

oh, my dear, it's very hard to be sympathetic about you when you are making me laugh at your pain. That is unfair of you. ;)

*noogie*

My aunt used to say that when the family is making me crazy I should go into the washroom, look in the mirror and make VERY BIG MOUTH and then very tiny mouth and do that a few times until the urge to throw things into the sea (we did not have a sea, so we threw things into the swimming pool in the next yard) goes away. This sounds like a ridiculous coping mechanism. It is in fact a ridiculous coping mechanism. And it works! I dunno, maybe it's just having the 3 minutes in the bathroom alone that does it, or the fact that I always end up laughing at myself. I dunno. Still.

Also, you are the least made of fail person I know.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, for cheering words and for cheering advice! I will try this. And if it does not work I will throw small inanimate objects in the sea.

*draws hearts around you.*

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

come hide in a corner with me away from all these pesky humans and their pitiful concerns?

*cling*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Jessie! *cliiiiiing* We shall hide together. And I have cupcakes. I will bring them.

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

Hello love. *squish*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

hello, you. <3 <3

[tau_sigma]

*hugs*

I have a feeling that when this nervous breakdown is over I shall have to have another one, to get over it.

You make lols of your pain, Iona. You are truly special. *smooshes*

Also, ohgod your uncle. Yes. Clearly you haven't thought about that, no. *pets you*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Pain? I laugh at pain!

...well, actually, no, I hide in a corner and flail at pain. Same thing.

I smoosh you, too. And, you sent me a postcard in an envelope, which was very very sweet of you. I have it here, being my bookmark in my land law and being like you and cheering.

[subservient-son.livejournal.com]

Many, many people love you, myself and especially a certain ex-wife included. Also, you are not made of fail, otherwise there is no way you would have graduated in one of the toughest humanities' subjects from the 4th best (accoridng to today's Times) University IN THE WORLD. I know that you know all this, but I hope that it's reassuring to hear it again, anyway.

AS for your uncle; he's probably right, I mean you have spent the last 3 years doing a cushy, layabout degree :P

*hugs*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Good sir, you are a force for cheerful. Thank you. <3 <3

[deathbyshinies.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

At least your next nervous breakdown will be kitten-enabled. Or maybe you can come back and start training Harriet to kill stupid people on sight... there's a very simple three-step method for this that involves getting a stupid person and rubbing ham on them: I'm sure I still have the informative instructional booklet somewhere...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, Anna, you are great. Thank you for making me laugh.

[sebastienne.livejournal.com]

I'm with Anna.

Please let me know if there's anything, anything at all (believe me I have lived with stranger mental-health-requests than you can possibly make) that would make living in Mousehole easier for you.

*love, and kitten-nomming, and accidentally "locking myself out of the house" because the door was on the latch*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*squish* Thank you, dear. Right now, my mental health demands aren't too obscure; you know when you just want people not to make too many demands of you? Basically... I may be taciturn, and gloomy, and not at all fun to live with, and I am sorry.

[insaneizzi.livejournal.com]

Bunnies? (http://insaneizzi.livejournal.com/149093.html#cutid1)

*hugs and virtual anythings you might need*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you for bunnies, and for hugs. :)

[jamethiel]

... try appending the phrase "WITH A HADDOCK!" to everything they say to you.

"Law is very hard. I don't think you've thought about how much work it is. WITH A HADDOCK!!!"

It makes relatives less likely to die from being stabbed in the face irritating.

Of course, it doesn't have to be a haddock. You could have the piscine species of your choice. But I feel that kippers are less intrinsically amusing. I do not know why this is.

In other news, I have cut off my hair!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*grins* HADDOCK. I was just saying recently that "haddock" is an inherently funny word.

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

Funny story: today I got in trouble for not really knowing a whole lot about Middle Eastern theater. My punishment: standing at the copier for an hour making two copies of an entire book of Egyptian one-act plays. LIFE IS REALLY WEIRD.

Pupillage = same thing as a training contract? So that's good, right?

(HEY. I'll make my father hire you! Never mind that we don't have training contracts here and it's the wrong country and probably the wrong type of law. [Although it is occasionally an exciting type of law, given that once he got to go dig up a body in the woods! Which is also a kind of funny--and kind of AWFUL--story.])

Anyway. Love.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Middle Eastern theatre? This is... something we all ought to know lots about, clearly. :)

A pupillage is the barrister-equivalent to a training contract. What I have - or might have; it's currently unclear - is a mini-pupillage, or a taster of the same thing. Not the job I'm after, but certainly good experience to look shiny on my CV.

(Tell me that story sometime, it sounds interesting! And heh, I just found out that after the current LLB I'll be eligible for an American LLM. I mean, seriously. I feel far too inadequate for this possibility.)

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

I know you have seen it, but: Tiny Animals On Fingers (http://www.flickr.com/photos/specklet/sets/72157594204828139/?page=2)!

Or just http://delicious.com/vermilliona/animals

*itteh bitteh kitteh hugs*

eta, for your internet:

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Awww! Look at its LITTLE FACE!

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

I am a stranger, you do not know me, but I think you are fabulous.

...damn, I sound like a stalker. *slinks away*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

It is appreciated, and does not sound stalkery. Thank you, dear. :)