Red Dwarf

[raven]

So, I wrote something last night. One of those I-don't-know-where-this-is-going-but-will-write-it-anyway short pieces. I should have been either writing the crossover epic or revising, but couldn't concentrate.

Anyway, the short (Red Dwarf) piece:

There was a point to being a hologram. There was. In the same way as there was a point to being alive. There was even a point to being dead, providing you hadn’t stopped moving yet.

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Only, three million years from home on a hopelessly lost mining ship, steered by a computer that was apparently in the last stages of galloping senility, sharing a bunk with quite possibly… no, definitely the most odorous, objectionable, downright comprehensive slob in the universe, that shining crystalline point, that meaning of life and existence, seemed somewhat – well, non-existent.

 

Rimmer groaned, sighed, rolled over and decided life was not worth living.

 

A hologram was denied two out of the three carnal desires of humankind. No food. No mashed potato, no marmalade. And no (he paused over the word, tasted it, savoured it) …sex. No, of course not. It was all tied up with not being able to feel, touch, even make contact – right now he could fall through the bunk if he wanted to, land in a weightless heap on top of Lister and not scratch himself. Not that Lister wouldn’t try.

 

So. He could lie here, know intellectually that he was tossing and turning, but not feel the pillow under his head or the sheet tangled up around his feet. But there was the thing. He might not be able to convincingly toss and turn, but he could sleep. Ah, sleep – the one undenied pleasure. He even had that pleasant switching-off period between consciousness and unconsciousness.

 

Switching off. Huh. Ironic, wasn’t it. Smegging ironic. A hologram, but destined to spend eternity irrevocably turned off. 

 

Unless it was with another hologram…

 

 …and no, he couldn’t sleep.

 

On a whim, Rimmer let his head fall off the pillow and over the side of the bunk. His eyes came to a natural rest on the occupant of the bottom bunk, and Lister, in response to that ancient human trigger, jerked awake. “Aargh!”

 

“What?”

 

“Rimmer, what the smeg are you doin’?”

 

“Nothing! I couldn’t sleep, that’s all!”

 

Lister grunted and threw himself back on his pillow. He kicked out his feet. He twisted around and flung an arm out over his head. There were several seconds of stillness and Rimmer began to relax, but too soon. Lister’s eyes were open again. “Smeg, Rimmer. I’m never gettin' back to sleep now. ” He paused, and then called out, “Holly, what time is it?”

 

Out of the semi-darkness came the voice of the computer. “Dunno.”

 

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” That was Rimmer. “How can you not know? How it is possible to have an IQ of 6000 and not know what time it is?”

 

“It’s like, relativity, innit? Three million years, time slowing down all over the place, can’t blame me for losing track.”

 

“Holly – and I cannot believe I am actually defining these parameters – relative to yesterday, and tomorrow, and whatever little clocks going ‘cuckoo!’ you have inside that head – what time is it?”

 

“Oh, right. You should’ve said. It’s about three-thirty.”

 

“In the morning?” Lister yelled.

 

“I’ll work on it.”

-----

That's it for now, but I probably will continue it at some point. I have never read the Red Dwarf books - am dropping hints about them for my birthday - so I've done my best to pick up the style from the show itself.

Now, revision.

Comments

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I didn't know. I guessed.

[cucharita.livejournal.com]

Ah right, well, I'm under the impression that Lister has the top bunk. Not that I think it matters much. Artistic license & all that.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Right. I can't have Rimmer being annoying the other way up, so shush.

[language-idling.livejournal.com]

Lister definitely has the top bunk. BUT that's okay. Canon can and should always be bent for the sake of plot. ;)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

So, we're in a AU with only one difference. Ta-da!

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

I can third the listers-in-the-top-bunk thing, but we can forgive ya ^_~
The books are VERY good but are amalgamations of things that happened in the series for the best part. but they are VERY good ^_^ - mum got me 'infinity welcomes careful drivers' on cassette for christmas and IT ENDS ON A CLIFFHANGER!! i also have 'last human' and 'better then life' as books and they rule ^_^ theres marx brothers hints in better then life too *giggle* i noticed those straight away!
xx