CMOT Dibbler; or why I hate myself today.

[raven]

I didn't get a Harrison scholarship. Shall we start by getting that piece of information out there? I didn't get a Harrison scholarship.

It's not worth much, and is just pointless, pretentious academic frippery, and I wanted one.

I didn't get one because I wasn't good enough. I said so at the time with my GCSE results, which despite what might have been said I knew weren't good enough. Not for this, exactly; just not good enough, full stop.

I hate it when I'm right.

Incidentally, I won the Margaret Mann prize for English Language. My mother thinks this is very, very lacking in importance.

Incidentally to that, Mrs Mann was the one who rejected me from Stanfield all those years ago.

Fuck it.

Comments

[hathy-col.livejournal.com]

Not for this, exactly; just not good enough, full stop.

I hate it when I'm right.

Your GCSE results rocked. And I really, really do mean that. One B does not make you a failure in life and never has done, and never will do. Missing out on the scholarship is, well, unfair, since I know and you know that you're damn intelligant, but it doesn't say anything about the kind of person you are. Academic stuff matters, and heaven knows I freak out about them enough myself, but they don't define you.

You are a wonderful, well-rounded, intelligant person, and you don't need to put yourself down like this. To quote what my mother said on a daily basis between exams and results: "It doesn't matter what you get, as long as you know that you tried your hardest."

You haven't failed anyone, and you certainly haven't failed yourself. You got the Margaret Mann prize girl! That's brilliant! Go! Celebrate! Be glad of what you have and don't waste time over what you don't have. Tell your mother to sod off, tell her that, no, actually, it does mean a lot to you. And you're the person who matters.

God, could I sound anymore preachy in this?

Somewhere in this, I'm trying to give a virtual hug. Go. Feel happy. Dance the dance of fangirlishness, and be proud to be you. If it makes you feel any better, I'm pleased and proud of you...?

[spiderdragon.livejournal.com]

Oh, the irony...

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

Well, that shows how much those judges know. I'm sorry, but as was said above, we all know how tremendously brilliant you are, and what happens with one scholarship can't change that.

Congratulations on the prize, though! What exactly is it?

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

What the prize actually is remains unclear. Knowing them, it'll be £6 worth of book tokens.

Ah, I'm being needlessly dramatic. I didn't get a Merchants' scholarship five years ago because even though I did win it, that was the year they chose to withdraw that particular scholarship, and the Harrison scholarships are based on academic achievement only; that's why I thought I was in with a chance, ie it doesn't matter if you're weird/irreverent/just don't care, if you have the GCSE results.

Which I didn't. *hits self on head*

Enough about me. How are you?

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm pleased and proud of you...?

That does mean something. That means a whole bloody lot and thank you for saying it.

I guess if you set yourself impossibly high standards, you have a problem. If you are me and set yourself nearly impossibly high standards, then you have even more of a problem.

*mwahglompschnoogle* (I've been wanting to do that to someone for ages)

Thank you.

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

Book tokens are better than nothing, though... although I have no idea what how to translate pounds to dollars, so I'm not sure how much you could get with that amount.

(It probably speaks ill of me that I nearly said, "Well, at least an award will look good to colleges when you put it on your transcript!" I seem to have lost all perspective, and forgotten that it's only my educational system that is this crazed.)

I would venture a guess that the decision on who gets a scholarship is a little more arbitrary than who does or doesn't have the scores, simply from my experience of how such things work. I'm sure there are other factors; and although I don't know exactly what your scores meant, I've been able to pick up that they were good.

This is your journal, so there's never enough about you. I don't get to talk about me here. ;)

[just-the-ash.livejournal.com]

Excuse me. A prize in English is a huge frickin' deal. I have spoken!

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

although I have no idea what how to translate pounds to dollars

By which I mean "I have no idea how to translate pounds to dollars." *shakes head* I think I need more caffeine today.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Six pounds is worth eight, nine dollars.Just multiply by 1.5 - that's how I do it.

No-one knows what GCSEs actually mean, and we have an equivalent that might sound familiar - UCAS forms. WHy do Do of E? Why do hundred-hours community service? Why do four A-levels? Why do anything at all?

All together now - it'll look good on our UCAS forms!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*laughs*
*bows down before the sacred word of Ka*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I'd ask you into our common room. We have a kettle and a big, big jar of Nescafe Gold.

Pity about the ocean in the way, isn't it?

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

WHy do Do of E? Why do hundred-hours community service? Why do four A-levels? Why do anything at all?

All together now - it'll look good on our UCAS forms!

Now you're speaking my language. That acronym even sounds vaguely familiar....

[language-idling.livejournal.com]

If I were in charge of scholarships, I would give all of them to you. Except for the ones I'd give to Leigh. And I'd have to split the top English/Writing prize (which would be the most important prize of all, and not even your mother could contest that) in two so that I could give it to both of you.

You really mustn't take not getting scholarships too personally. You *are* brilliant. One B does not make a lousy transcript. Everything I want to say has already been said.

I won the English prize for my year in highschool and they gave me the something or other something or other handbook for writers and editors which was sort of a trivia book. It is currently sitting in a box in Halifax, gathering dust. It is the thought that counts. Not that you could even buy *one* book here for the 6 (symbol I can't make) in book tokens (which is $12 CAD, I think)

[lilka.livejournal.com]

*huggles* Don't worry about it dear, I didn't get my scholarship until Upper Six either (and I'm damn sure you'll get it next year). Mrs. Mann's a lovely person, don't think too harshly of her.... and I think I got that prize too. In fact, now I come to think of it, I just used it to buy my Uni books the other week.

P.S. When are you planning on coming round? My week's kinda filling up.

P.P.S. I'm sorry if you get this twice, I think LJ ate the first one....

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*laughs*
I love you. And Leigh.

Most books are five-ninety-nine (can't put a pound sign into a comment). Therefore they think they're being generous by giving you six. But as you say, the thought...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

How's Thursday sound to you? I think I'm going to need directions... :)

[lilka.livejournal.com]

Thursday's fine. Do you know the dentist's in Blundellsands? My is just opposite it - number 9.