Sep. 3rd, 2003

raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (velvet goldmine)
I went to school today. Not like that; just for two hours, for induction. I stayed up way too late last night working on Fic From Hell #2 - more on that in a moment. I had to clamber out of bed at nine thirty, imagine. I was out of here by ten and in school by eleven. Bev yelled when she saw me. "We're together but we're with Mr Wilson!"

Loosely translated, I am in L6EW, with Becca and Bev, which is good, but also with the resident scallies, which is not so good. Ugh. Death by tango-orange foundation. There are ten of us in the class, anyway, and it's all okay, I suppose. I wish we'd had Mrs Custard as a form teacher, but apparently not. The problem with Mr Wilson, according to Becca, is, "He opens his mouth and suddenly I don't give a shit." He's a Religious Studies teacher and is such a fucking boring Geordie. Not that I'm generalising. If he weren't a Geordie, I'm sure he'd be just as boring.

We didn't get timetables, which I am annoyed about. They're not until tomorrow. Also tomorrow is something to do with the L6 extension studies, which we must go to and yet no-one really knows what they are. Anyway...we got told which commitees we're on, and I'm on Magazine and Debating Society, which is okay with me. I am, of course, the only person in a class of ten on said Debating Society, which makes the scallies giggle. Odd things make scallies giggle. They giggled at the Stroke Association. They giggled at the fact Bev's the only one doing Maths A-level.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate scallies? And how I hate these scallies particularly? They've all been at Merchants' for five years. Surely, by now, it might sink in that there are other ways to think, act and behave? And they're too old, as well; Tiffany Thurston is the oldest in the year. She's already seventeen, as it's her birthday today. But she's still got the emotional maturity of a turnip.

The good thing, I suppose, is the fact we won't be spending much time with them. We've got the upper common room, and the room we're in is right by the computer room, which are good things, but for some reason I feel very ambivalent about tomorrow. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe because I feel it's bound to be an anti-climax, maybe because it's the prospect of actually working and concentrating for the first time in nearly four months, maybe because I just feel ill and tired, but I don't know.

I think I'd like to work a little on the Fic From Hell #2. I wrote a surprising amount of it last night. Yet again, the original characters problem - I hate them. But I need them. So I have written one in. She is female. Small. Has blonde, curly hair and likes funny words. She is not a Mary-Sue, so where is all this information coming from?

Answer?

She's [livejournal.com profile] hathy_col. This only occurred to me after I'd shut down the computer and gone to bed. Seeing as she doesn't have a name yet, she may as well be named after Colleen. But seeing as MWPP are teenage boys, they will not call her by her first name.

Colleen, I apologise if I'm freaking you out. That is really not the intention. It's just the way my mind chooses to work.
raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (sleep...)
My apologies if I've been cutting you off on MSN or Trillian or not replying to your LJ comments or stuff like that; neither computer is working properly and I've given up on trying to fix them. Pedar's computer refuses to cut and paste anything, and also refuses to open links in a new window. My computer just slows down to the rate of a catatonic somnabulistic Cambrian snail, so.

I don't feel so good. Bad enough to use "good" instead of "well" because "well" doesn't have the ring to it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's school, I don't know. Now that I say that, it has the peculiar flavour I do associate with school; that crushing feeling of boredom and irritation at how fucking boring they all are, how shallow and meaningless, how little they care. "They" excludes of course the usual suspects, but of them, there are so few left. They're gone and I miss them.

So yes, it's school. It's school, and general boredom, it's that stupid, stupid Crosby Herald article that got waved in my face so many times today, it's the safe and sound knowledge that my mother won, she got me doing the A-level subjects she wanted me to do, it's the fact my grandmother seems to think I'm stupid and nothing near as good and traditional as any of her other grandchildren, it's the fact I have only two years before the Inevitable Discussion becomes an Inevitable Decision, it's something about the darkness in the room crushing me the same way my family are trying to do, and I don't know any more.

For the first time in weeks, I want to go to bed. I want to lie under the covers and listen this album, Sleeping with Ghosts, or to Jack off Jill, or something along those lines, and fall asleep and never wake up.

And I don't want to wear a fucking tail.

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