Graduation

Oct. 25th, 2009 10:22 pm
raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (balliol)
Graduation. A day later, I have surprisingly little to say about it, beyond: it was fun and it was, in its way, meaningful. And not in the very earnest way it was supposed to be, either - I mean, the Vice-Chancellor spoke VERY LOUDLY about traditions and values and this university is of eight hundred years' foundation, but, well, there's meaning, and there's meaning, and the ceremony was in Latin - but in things like the dreadful raw drizzle (just like, Claire observed with acerbity, our matriculation, and halfway hall, and the summer events, and when I finished my Finals, and when she finished her Finals and a month's worth of rain fell on Oxford in one afternoon), and running down to the porters' lodge at nine in the morning and telling the porters I had no a) gown b) ribbon c) sense of self-preservation, and they kitted me out with two out of the three without asking me who the hell I was, because they knew.

Nine am actually got a lot more bearable when I was cheerfully squished by Claire, Pat and Liya as they appeared, and then we were nicely sub-fusced and shepherded away to be rehearsed for the ceremony. This proved... difficult. "Everyone line up," said the bedel. "BAs, you go last. Four lines of four. Now I say the oath. Now bow. To the centre. To the left. No, your left! No, not in cascade! Mind your head! Now say, 'Do fidem'. No, all at once!" I observed later that there is something vey liberating about a whole day devoted to receipt of an Oxford degree. You can fail to understand as many basic instructions as you damn well like.

Once he had decreed us not actual failures as human beings, we filed through the rain to the Sheldonian, sat down at the back and swiftly realised that being a) BAs, and thus the lowest of the low; and b) the earliest date of foundation (1263), we were going to be last, and amused ourselves by being rude about the Vice-Chancellor's Latin (he's new; it was his first degree ceremony). After several repetitions, he still wasn't getting "in nomine patris" quite right, and manfully reaching for hard consonants but not always succeeding. ([livejournal.com profile] luminometrice noted that you could tell which of the college deans were theologians and classicists - when reciting their oaths, they put the stresses in the right places).

Actually bowing and taking the oath is a little bit of a blur - appropriately for the crowning intellectual achievement of my life so far, I got left and right mixed up at the crucial moment, but I managed to remember my two words of Latin and was very proud of myself - and then we went out stage left and ran for it. Because we were the very last people out, we had to run to the Divinity School and be told sternly by the porters that we had exactly a minute and a half to get dressed and we should all stand perfectly still, and raise our arms. And then it was another sudden blur, and then I was wearing a big heavy black gown and a hood trimmed in white fur and being led through the Sheldonian to applause. We bowed one final time to the Vice-Chancellor, and then went outside to be met by parents and friends and constellations of camera flashes. And that was that: but I was a little emphatic about things all day and I think I still am; I stood there in the rain in that quad in October 2005 in sub fusc, and laughed and took pictures, and I stood there in that quad in October 2009 in that white-fur hood, and laughed and took pictures, with the same people, and no one can ever take the years in between away from me. I think that's important. Everyone laughed at me for finding this a large and startling thought. But I did, and I do.

Bowing before the Vice-Chancellor; or, Iona cannot tell her left from her right )

Me and my BA, a love story )

(Pictures courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] shimgray, as usual, who generally reserves monochrome for whenever my university career is being Epically Epic. I quite like it, myself; as he notes, these pictures could have been taken any time in the last hundred and fifty years. Barring, obviously, the fact Balliol only admitted women in 1979, which is a fair caveat.)

Afterwards, Balliol put on one of their typical lunches (mediocre food, awesome deserts, which is what happens when you employ a pastry chef), and the party proceeded to drink wine, get tipsy, and bask a little bit. And at length arise and go unsteadily back into the real world some time in the mid-afternoon, where and when the sun had come out.

Today, I have had the nicest day I have had in a long time; there was an extra hour of sleep, and then there were scones, and I am on reading week and Shim is on holiday, so there was no work whatsoever, and an afternoon watching The Return of the King, and then an evening in the closest pub, where they gave us a free dessert. I don't feel very different now I am a graduate and not a graduand, now I really hold an honours degree in philosohy, politics and economics rather than a slip of paper saying I can pick one up, shopping-list-like, at any time. But something was underlined, maybe: yesterday and today, I did not change, but I can look at this neat slice cut out of time and say, yes, I was seventeen, and this is who I grew up to be.

Michaelmas

Oct. 1st, 2007 04:39 pm
raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (stock - oxford)
"It is typical of Oxford," I said, "to start the new year in autumn."
-pg 101, Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh.

...what? None of you had posted it yet! Someone had to crack and say it first!

Anyway. My detour into minor pretension aside, this really is an autumn like the one described in Brideshead, sombre and grey and very wet. I have been back in Oxford two days, have successfully unpacked my things, set up my room, and rediscovered the joy of communal living. My flat are half back - four of us are here, three to come - and we're all doing things like staking out fridge space and redecorating the kitchen with our collective posters and generally, inevitably, coming home.

Right now we have up the map of the world, the periodic table, an Escher print that falls off the wall in some misguided attempt at life imitating art, a bunch of cocktail recipes, the Underground map and a picture of Mount Fuji. I like it - it feels less like a college kitchen (or "kitchenette" - ghastly word) and more like a place where a group of friends actually live and work. I brought my camera but not its charger, so I can't show you my lovely room, but it is lovely - doesn't have much character, but is big and airy and has a window seat. I still have the same postal address - which I will post, under flock, pretty soon - but not the same physical address, if that makes sense. In other words, I've moved to the top of tower six, but am still picking up post from my pidge. It's nice to still be in the centre of town - [livejournal.com profile] jacinthsong and [livejournal.com profile] lizziwig are close by, too, which means we can do what we did last night and eat pizza at the drop of the proverbial hat, and I'm really very happy with my living arrangements.

Oxford is just as it was, only wetter. Balliol is awash with freshers, one of whom had a nervous chat with me whilst waiting to see the college secretary, in which he described me as a "finalist". I am a finalist. Oh, dear. I don't want to be a finalist, thankyouverymuch. And right now it looks like I won't be one, because it's Monday of noughth week and I haven't yet heard from a single tutor who's purportedly teaching me this term. Grrr, argh, etc.

Balliol is awash with plain old water, too. I went down to see the college secretary re: transcripts - oh, god, a brief digression on that. I have tried over and over to explain to people, mostly American people, that the concept of a university transcript is not universal. No, it really isn't. Despite what the Law School Admissions Council seem to think. Anyway, I was vindicated when the college secretary peered over her glasses at me and wrote on my form, neatly and with academic disdain: "THE UNIVERSITY OF OXFORD DOES NOT ISSUE TRANSCRIPTS."

Thank you. Yes. Oh, dear. How to explain this one, I wonder.

Anyway, where was I? I was in college waving these forms about, and just as I was crossing the back quad, there was a noise like stone hitting metal and suddenly, an eight-foot geyser rose impressively into the air. It was raining so hard that the additional water didn't make much difference. Instead, everyone about - students, dons, gardeners, everyone - just stood amid the sopping greenery and said something along the lines of, "Oh, how pretty."

Because, you know, it was. It was a burst water main, and they fixed it eventually, but it did look striking, and had an unexpectedly soothing effect on all the stressed people rushhing about. College actually does look very pretty indeed, despite the grey - it's covered in flowers, bright colours, lush verdant everything. It's beautiful. Also, Balliol has a new college pet tortoise. The tortoise we did have was called Rosa Luxemburg and was kidnapped - it's suspected it was nabbed by Trinity and boiled - the year before I came. I haven't met the new one yet. I'm told it's quite sweet, in an ancient reptilian sort of way.

Anyway, back to work. I am drying off, after having spent most of my morning going over the OULES Aeneid script with [livejournal.com profile] foulds - we're previewing it for the others tonight - and trying to get through my to-do list, including a couple of commissions for Cherwell, because I am crazy.

About the two pieces - one is brief, on the history of the rainbow flag as a queer symbol, and I'm pretty sure I can find all the info I need online, but the second one is more interesting. It's a new column, entitled provisionally "How to be...X", and I think I could do with some help. My piece is "How to be the tute partner from hell", and I would appreciate suggestions on this. How do you be the tute partner from hell? My most irritating tute partner ever was smug, self-centred, never did essays, never answered emails, schmoozed me shamelessly and ran for Union President. Surely there are more varieties of experience than this.

Enough. I am so glad to be back in Oxford. Back where it's wet and miserable and stressful, but I have a room of my own, and the company of people who happily stand around and listen to the sound of running water.

Edited to add: I forgot to mention the LSAT! Yes, well. I will talk more about the LSAT when I have stopped banging my head against the wall.
raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (doctor who - martha pwns everything)
I am writing fic.

I have to say it quietly, because I'm so frightened of jinxing it. I haven't written fic since November 2006, for various reasons but mostly because my head was too messed up for it. And then a couple of days ago I wrote, and I kept writing, and it was great. I took my laptop to the Social Science Library because I thought I wouldn't be distracted from, er, Sinhalese majoritarianism in Sri Lanka, but I sat there with my books in the absolute quiet of the reading room, pulled up the right window and wrote fic. I'm very happy, but quietly.

In fact, let's not talk about that any more.


In other news, tonight was the last Cerberus event of term. I think that in my time as reigning Triarch, this was definitely our best show. Fifteen people turned up to have dinner with Peter Singer, and about fifty to hear him speak, and I actually really enjoyed it. He spoke on the sanctity of human life, arguments against, and at least people got emotive about it. I was annoyed at two people's behaviour - one PPEist whom I don't like generally, because if you don't agree with him, you're wrong, and while we're all painfully used to his total lack of regard for anyone else's opinion, you don't attack a guest speaker, get childishly pissed off when he tactfully moves on and turn your chair around and have a sulk, and also one of my tutors from last term, whom Wolfgang (another Triarch) had to quietly shush to allow other people to talk.

(Honestly, why can't these people behave? It's only a matter of sitting in a chair quietly and listening, and knowing how long is too long when you talk. Such egotism.)

Before dinner, Sam (yet another Triarch) introduced me to a friend of his living in Oxford. I smiled and said hello as you do, and it wasn't until much later, when I heard his last name, that I realised I'd just met [livejournal.com profile] pinkishmew's brother. And made tiny noises of squee, because eee, tiny tiny world. (The difficult part was Sam saying, "Oh, wow, you know Neill's sister! How?" and me going, "Er... the internets..."

Anyway, where was I? Busily recounting tales of Cerberus, because, alas, I haven't been around much lately. This is my proverbial Week O'Crazy, because on top of the usual - Cerberus, two essays, associated tutes, OULES - my parents appeared for a couple of days, and I've got to go to London for AIESEC this weekend, and I signed up to spend most of the weekend at the language centre to hone my non-existent ability for language, and I'm also doing Tiptop's art design from scratch, because I am crazy. Anyway, that's why I've not been around and have been being a bad friend, in general. Too much to dooooo. Favourite among these things to do has been being picked up, hit, punched, generally knocked around and dropped on Wadham gardens, courtesy of OULES rehearsals and my very bad habit of volunteering for things. (There are pictures on Facebook entirely without context, it's marvellous.)

Er, that's it. I babble because I am kind of failing a little bit - this is me six hours before a tute for which I have not written a word, and am not planning to - but, really, I'm coping. Sure, it would be nice to cope and get everything done, but I think my own sanity is quite precious to me. And also, I adore being Triarch, and I love languages, and it makes Pat so happy that I do her art design, and it was great to see my parents. (AIESEC will be deserving of love the moment they learn to use punctuation in a manner consistent with the rest of the human race.) And I utterly [[heart]] OULES; it's so much fun, being surrounded by people who are vastly more talented than you but are perfectly happy to let you play. And drop you on your head.

Um. Also. I have watched Human Nature and Family of Blood far too many times for someone who supposedly has a lot of work to do. John Smith! Oh, John Smith oh woe.

Oh, also, again! Fic recs.

Impossible Things, by [livejournal.com profile] casirafics.
The Doctor and Martha, the Doctor and Reinette, the Doctor and John Smith; the Doctor who's been lonely so long he can't remember anything else. Beautiful writing, beautiful flow, and, oh, Doctor. [Spoilers through FoB]

The first of Five Variations On An Inspiration, by [livejournal.com profile] troyswann.
Sal's stories are always wonderful, but this one struck a chord; this is Daniel Jackson in the desert on Abydos, being so very painfully himself, and her prose is, as usual, perfect.
raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (rent - vive la vie boheme)
I've been terribly miserable for most of the day, a feeling compounded by a mild hangover, a ridiculous amount of reading, a few emo issues from last night, my complete inability to understand anomalous monism and I don't know, general ennui, but no longer. Various things have cheered me up since, most significant among them a good wail down the phone at my mum. My mum is in, of all places, Windermere - on Friday afternoon she rang me up to say she was sick of cooking. And cleaning. And general medicine. (It should be noted that my mum is a GP.) I said, "Is this something I should be worrying about?"

No, she said, she wanted to go away for the weekend. Why, I wanted to know, does she always have these bright ideas on the Friday of the week before?

She was unrepentant. So on Friday night I duly made a lot of phone calls, yelled at a lot of people, my mother very much included, and on Saturday my parents were duly installed in a very pretty hotel on the shores of Lake Windermere. I'm kind of glad it worked out, as they're having a lovely time, and both my parents together took turns being forcibly cheery while I wailed, and did, eventually cheer me up.

As did an unexpected discovery - anon meme love! I took the opportunity to spread more love. It is needed. I don't know why, but the general mood is quite low and that might be part of the reason I'm not feeling great.

I don't know why, because last night was good fun. The Alchemist's Ball, Balliol's first black-tie ball in twenty-five years and the reason I missed Doctor Who for the fourth week running, really was something of an extravaganza. They put up marquees in the garden quad, with large coloured lights turning everything pink, purple and green, and there were bubbles and pretty dresses and lots of dancing. They had the Oxford Gargoyles (a capella, utterly marvellous) and the Donut Kings (big band, lots of trumpets, also marvellous) playing and I can't dance, but Ben can, and it's surprisingly easy to swing dance when you're wearing a floaty dress with flowers and your partner is sufficiently enthusiastic. We whirled and twirled and dipped and Pat and I flirted shamelessly and fell about laughing at the end.

(Oh, and there was an open bar. Sigh.)

Anyway. Tomorrow I have to do a quite ridiculous amount of work, so I need to go bed and stop moping about, it's the middle of the night. But. Also all about the happy-making, I've been listening all night to music from RENT, and feel the need to make all of you listen to it too. This is seven minutes of pure joy, download and listen, do:

La Vie Boheme
To fruits, to no absolutes / to Absolut / to choice / To the Village Voice / to any passing fad / To being an us for once ... instead of a them!

Share and enjoy!
raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (Default)
I am a wee bit miserable right now, for various reasons - the most obvious and er, petulant of which is that I am the only person in my flat of five-and-a-half people who had to do any actual work this weekend. Which is quite horrifically childish of me, but waaaah, it's lovely weather, and we had a picnic, and I really wanted to sit all afternoon with my friends trailing my fingers in the Isis and eating cheese, but this wasn't to be because of urgh, so much work and surely 11am on Tuesday of first is far too early for a deadline? And it's impossible to actually do any of that work when all around you people are having fun and being far too noisy about it, and no libaries are open on a Sunday for you to work in.

And the other reason is that my parents were here, dropping off some of my stuff, and I miss them. A lot. More because I've seen them, if that makes sense. And Balliol is doing a Parents' Day ("How delightfully archaic," someone commented) which sounds exactly like parents' days in Enid Blyton school stories, with strawberries and cream and cricket, and my parents were going to come and stay a couple of days and they've never visited me in Oxford before and it would've been lovely. Only when they appeared (briefly) yesterday, they said they'd been invited to a wedding that they can't get out of and they can't come after all. And of course I was very understanding and waited until after they'd gone to stamp my feet and throw things, because this always happens, there's always something, and they promised and I'm always understanding so why couldn't I have come first, this time?

(Urgh, I know I sound horrible. I am horrible. I'll get over it. At the moment I'm being charmingly passive-aggressive and refusing to help my mum pick a dress for the wedding.)

I went to the Pit last night for a party - it being the Glorious Natal Day of both [livejournal.com profile] slasheuse and [livejournal.com profile] frank_snow - and got not at all drunk but vaguely stoned (at the time I didn't think so, but I ate a lot yesterday night) and ultimately quite a lot miserable, so I went home and bemaoaned my fate a little bit, and fell asleep in a huff, if that is indeed possible. And woke up and was Productive, at least in the sense that I handed out four hundred - I counted - Cerberus leaflets, and utterly failed to do any work. There was the picnic, and then my flatmates playing a lazy game of cricket on the field in the dying light, and I gave up trying to work here and went to college carrying all my books and hating everyone.

(Yes! One paragraph down, I am still horrible!)

Okay, enough. Things that are of greatness:

1. Philosophy of mind. Utterly, utterly great. The only article I did manage to read today was called What If I Do Have Little Men Inside My Head?

2. OULES. I went to the auditions tonight, with Maria, and saw [livejournal.com profile] foulds at last and hid with [livejournal.com profile] jacinthsong at the back and read through a play featuring hungover Russians. It was marvellous.

3. [livejournal.com profile] remix_redux. I haven't had a chance to read much yet, including the story written for me, but my remixee redeemed a crappy evening by leaving just the loveliest comment, that made me go a bit squishy. (Which I'm reliably informed was just the qualitiative internal experience of the homunculus in my head waving Placard G in response to Input Y178, but it makes no functional difference so never mind.)

4. Remus J. Lupin. Yes, I appreciate this is not an entirely new sentiment on my part, but Remus really is great. And there are new pics from the OotP film, and Thewlis actually looks like Remus. I can't put my finger on exactly why or how he does now, when he didn't in PoA, but oh, my, yes.

5. Baths.

Actually, baths should not go on the list. Which is not to say baths are not great, because they are. I love hot baths, they do nice things to my head, such as making me stop thinking about Life and Work and The FutureTM and start thinking about Nail Varnish and Fanfiction and Salad Dressing, and as such I crave them much in the manner of chocolate or sushi or sex, but they don't go on the list. I don't have a bath in which to take baths any more - unlike last year, when I had a bathtub but no shower, the converse now holds - and I'm actually missing the previous state of affairs.

From which I can only conclude that I'm coming perilously close to thinking far too much about things, and should probably go to bed.
raven: [hello my name is] and a silhouette image of a raven (misc - ppe)
1. Leave home convinced will do lots of work on train, indeed, yes, hence put lots of books and files in bag. Spend journey doing Grauniad crossword instead, and arrive in Oxford having done no work whatsoever.

2. Walk through city in glorious spring weather, past tourists and field trips and open days, arrive in flat to discover flatmates cooking something that smells delightful, resolve to revise after dinner.

3. Dinner is delightful, is accompanied by all flatmates save one wanting to hear about New York, wanting to tell you about what they did on their holidays. (In brief: working in archives, moping, going out, travelling India, almost getting married for academic purposes, utterly failing to revise for collections.)

4. After dinner, pick up books, venture forth to Social Sciences Library. Forced to venture back again upon discovery of last flatmate, newly arrived and in need of help carrying extensive and bizarre quantities of stuff inside. (Featuring, among other things: full-length mirror, orange refrigerator and several sticks of bamboo.)

5. Make it to Social Science Library. Sit there forc an hour, getting steadily more sleepy and unproductive; when bell rings, go home convinced that will get early night and revise in the morning.

6. Despite going to bed utterly exhausted, stay awake. Fall asleep, cranky and miserable, at ridiculous o'clock in the morning and fail to wake up before lunchtime.

7. Realise have a) no food and b) no idea when collections actually are. Venture forth to college, print out stuff to revise from, go to Sainsbury's, buy food, return home, discover have forgotten a) milk and bread and b) to check when collections are.

8. Groan.

9. Return grumpily to town to achieve these honestly quite simple tasks.

10. Fetch books and papers and wander barefoot across the Master's Field, to generally-agreed-upon claimed spot at the far corner, next to the wall with the climbing flowers. Stretch out in sunshine and the quiet, listen to birds singing, open books. Work for two hours, breaking occasionally to sort out philosophical tangle in head, whilst all the while unconsciously noticing the cricketers on the far side, knocking balls skywards with gentle thonk noises, the tennis players, the groundsman playing with his dog, the few picnickers, the flowers, the huge expanse of green. Roll over in the warmth below great cloudless dome of sky, and relaaaaax.

Thus, I have given up. No more work. Am feeling a bit swamped at present, because I have a ridiculous amount of things to do, and far too little time to do them in. For my own reference:

to do )

And, also: are OULES auditions soon, or am I mistaken? Because I am crazy and want to be involved this time round, y'see. Somebody please advise.

Ohgod collections. Sleeeeep.

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