all I remember is my hands at my side

[raven]

Friends! hello. I feel like I don't talk much about things as they go past, these days, and I ought to. My new year's resolution this year was to enjoy more about my charmed life as it happens to me, rather than always driving towards something new. So I am in the habit now of making lists of things that make me happy each day - and if that all sounds rather nineties-self-help-book, the one rule of the game is that it has to be something that did make me happy, and not something that ought to have done. So the lists are all things like "new flavour of Kellogg's breakfast biscuit" and "I got a desk at work today" and "my boss said my grounds of defence were beautiful" and "there was an extra egg in my soup" and "my new dress has a cute dipped hem" and "Jack and Phryne flirted in tonight's Miss Fisher" and "A. told me I was pretty".

(I don't actually think small things are enough for happiness. I think you need deep water for contentment. But I'm no good at surface ripples and that's what this is.)

So I was on holiday! Several days in New York - we got an Air BnB in Williamsburg, which was super hipster but kind of delightful with it; we bought a lot of books at the Strand, hung out with macadamanaity, went to bars, sat in parks, and really didn't very much of note. It was what I wanted. And after that we went to a wedding! Some of you met my cousin N. at my wedding; well, she's married now, after a four-day extravaganza in Indianapolis the week of the Indy 500. I'm not sure what I thought of it. It was very impressive and there were a lot of people, and she seemed very happy, and I suppose that's the part that matters, so. I liked her fiancé very much. He's a nice guy from the south, where wedding traditions are very different. One of my favourites of the southern traditions is the one where the groom gets up early the day before the wedding, gets his umbrella, stick and dhoti, and declares to all that he's going to Kashi (otherwise Varanasi) to be a holy man. Oh no! shout the bride's brothers, chasing him down the street holding pictures of their sister. Don't you dare. Come back and get married.

Okay fine, he says, after they have extolled her virtues to the skies. And everyone comes back and has a decent lunch and lives happily ever after. Unless you have no brothers and have to enlist my male cousins (and my partner) to play the role, and also that your fiancé is very charming - so the boys go to get him back from Kashi, and come back declaring they, too, have seen the light, and wish to renounce all material things and walk barefoot to Varanasi with nothing but what they're standing up in. (Luckily, a family friend has a seventeen-year-old son who was quite the most sensible person in the wedding party. He single-handedly persuaded them all to once again take up the shackles of this life.)

It was a lovely wedding, actually. Lots of ceremonies and a lot of outfits, more than my tolerance for femme, but it had many sweet grace notes in between all of those things. I liked all the hanging out with my cousins, late nights and jet-lagged early mornings. And the outfits are much more bearable in retrospect. Here is a picture of me on the steps of the Indiana Statehouse:



[image: me in a pink lehnga chholi, with the bright light behind]

We were due to return on the Sunday, 31 May, and accordingly decamped with an entourage to the airport. After the wedding, just getting to talk to people without rushing about and worrying about outfits and ceremonies was lovely, and I was really sorry, leaving behind my cousins and uncles and aunts and parents at the airport Starbucks. As we went through security, I turned to Shim and said, "That was fun, I wish we'd stayed another day."

Four hours' delay on the domestic. "Oh, well," said the gate agent, "you're going to miss all the transatlantic flights tonight, but we can put you in a hotel for tonight in Newark..."

"No," I said, very firmly, and we picked our bags off the carousel, went downstairs to arrivals, and met my dad doing the next of the day's runs to the airport. And it's funny how these things work, but that extra, halfway-there day, is going to stay with me as one of my favourite things that's happened to me. We went back to the house, where there were still enough guests for a moderately-sized party. We were around to see the bride and groom off on their honeymoon. We ate dosa and sambar in the cool light of the evening. In the morning we went via Dulles - where we were stuck for ten hours, four of which were spent in a plane on the tarmac with malfunctioning air conditioning - and in the end arrived home 28 hours later than planned, but you know, I don't mind? My boss answered my frantic not-coming-to-work email with, try and enjoy yourself, also I got stuck in Nigeria one time for five days, don't worry.

And I didn't. Being on the ground for that extra day was settling. I am trying to stay settled.

Comments

[via_ostiense]

Sounds like it was a great celebration! How funny that your cousin's silver-tongued fiance persuaded the folks that were meant to persuade him; the even-more-persuasive 17yo has a promising future as a charmer, methinks.

[raven]

It was! :) Silver-tongued charm is a cross-family trait - I think N's new husband is going to fit right in. Also the family friend's son is stubborn and practical as anything, which helps with dealing with my family. :)

[musesfool]

You look gorgeous! And it sounds like a lovely time. <3

[raven]

Aww, thank you!

[lovelythings]

This made me very happy, and you look very pretty and content, even if the lehnga chholi is not your favorite thing to wear.

[raven]

Aww, thank you very much. I think I'd have enjoyed wearing it more at an evening do, with air conditioning, rather than at 8am in the broiling heat. :)

[lemon_badgeress]

so pink.

so very pink.

it's so good to hear you happy.

so pink.

[raven]

I have a much nicer one in red and black. :)

[hannah]

I know that sometimes having that delay in getting back makes it easier for me. I don't know if I can articulate why, though, just agree with you.

Though next time you're in New York, let me know ahead of time - our schedules might not be compatible for a fancy dinner, but I could at least see about some tea and conversation.

[raven]

It might be a little while before I make it back again, but if I do I will be sure to let you know. :)

[soupytwist]

I am very glad you wrote this up - I like hearing about your life! And that's a great photo. Pink is a tough colour to rock!

[raven]

<3 <3 thank you lovely!

[isis]

You are pretty in pink!

And that tradition of the fiancé declaring he's going to run off to be a holy man and the male relatives talking him into getting married, after all, sounds like a much more interesting set-piece than speak now, or forever hold your peace.

[raven]

I thought I had written this comment before, but apparently I wrote it and then closed the tab. *shakes head* Thank you! And you're right that it's a set-piece - the important part I think is that the boys do get to stand there in public and talk about how wonderful their sister is, which is really lovely.

[sir_guinglain]

I think you have the most fantastic life.

[raven]

Me too, most of the time. <3

[hokuton_punch]

The wedding sounds terrifically fun indeed! Congratulations to your cousin. ♥

[raven]

Aww, thanks! It was pretty great.

[qian]

You look nice! I'm glad you got back home eventually. D:

One of my favourites of the southern traditions is the one where the groom gets up early the day before the wedding, gets his umbrella, stick and dhoti, and declares to all that he's going to Kashi (otherwise Varanasi) to be a holy man. Oh no! shout the bride's brothers, chasing him down the street holding pictures of their sister. Don't you dare. Come back and get married.

That's hilarious!

[raven]

Aww, thank you! And, yeah - I think south Indians get married much more delightfully than we do!

[rhivolution]

Sounds like a wonderful time, and good that you had somewhere to stay with travel woes! You look fantastic too.

[raven]

Thanks so much! :)

[fyrdrakken]

Glad you had a lovely time, and that you had that accidental extra time with family instead of spending the entirety of your delays stranded in an airport or on a plane. And you look lovely in that dress, even if it was a bit too warm for the weather.

[highfantastical.livejournal.com]

Lovely picture of you! Beautiful! YOUR COUSINS ARE EXCELLENT; I really, really liked every single one I had the pleasure and privilege of meeting. :)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Awww, thank you on both counts! I remember them fondly as kids but it makes me so happy what ridiculous and charming adults they all are now! S & B are (probably) getting married next year, hopefully - I'm already kind of excited. :)

[biascut.livejournal.com]

Oh gosh, you are gorgeous the colour is gorgeous the outfit is gorgeous what a gorgeous photograph!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Awww! Thank you very much.

[littlered2.livejournal.com]

Luckily, a family friend has a seventeen-year-old son who was quite the most sensible person in the wedding party. He single-handedly persuaded them all to once again take up the shackles of this life.
This is wonderful. Hurrah for sensible seventeen-year-olds!

New York sounds lovely (my sister was just there as well! I wonder if you overlapped), especially the book-buying.

Here is a picture of me on the steps of the Indiana Statehouse:
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE YOU MIGHT SEE ON THE STEPS OF THE INDIANA STATEHOUSE?

I hope you continue to be settled and happy, and that this increases.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

New York was delightful. I did not see anyone who looked like you but perhaps I wasn't looking hard enough. :) And YES I DO KNOW AND SO DID MANY OTHER WEDDING GUESTS. :) :) :)

[littlered2.livejournal.com]

We do look less similar than we used to. Apparently we sound the same, though; once when I was still volunteering at Brownies one of them came up to me and said, "We had fish and chips at the weekend and the girl in the shop sounded just like you!".

That photo of you is really lovely, by the way.

[enname.livejournal.com]

Luckily, a family friend has a seventeen-year-old son who was quite the most sensible person in the wedding party. He single-handedly persuaded them all to once again take up the shackles of this life

I think reading this story makes my list of things that have made me happy today. That and now I want dosa.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Hee! I do believe he has a bright future ahead of him.

[mirabile-dictu.livejournal.com]

You look fantastic! I'm so pleased for you.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, lovely!

[amnisias.livejournal.com]

Ah, the unexpected and unplanned has a way of surprising you with those calm and quiet but memorable moments! And may I say, you look mighty pretty there!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[macadamanaity.livejournal.com]

It was great to see you! I'm glad the rest of your trip went well.

I did googling after our walk in the park and have determined that yes, European and American Robins are entirely different birds, so-named because the Europeans who came to North America saw a bird that reminded them of robins back home and decided to name it that, even though they're not really the same.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

You too! Thank you for looking after us. A. is bizarrely happy about the robin thing. He just punched the air and said, "Robins. It's all about the PR, with robins."

[khalinche.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't you look lovely! And good for you for seizing that day to spend on happiness.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you very much.