ficlet: om nom rom com
Sep. 29th, 2009 05:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravenFor some reason, I do things that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jacinthsong asks me to. Even when she decides she wants a fic featuring Leeta entitled "om nom rom com".
ficlet:: om nom rom com
by Raven
PG, Deep Space Nine. Leeta & Rom, and Dax, and Jake. And Quark. It's a regular romantic comedy, really.
Seducing a Ferengi was, apparently, more difficult than it looked.
"Oh, it's easy," Jake said, visiting the station. "Just rub their ears. They like that."
But when she tried out oo-mox on Rom, from behind as to take him by surprise, he just stuttered and looked embarrassed, and found an excuse to be somewhere else.
"You could try offering to chew his food for him," Dax said. Leeta wanted to know if she was speaking from experience in dating Ferengi, and Dax said not exactly, but there was that the-personal-is-not-political-but-cultural-diversity-is-kind-of-cool thing that Emony had gone through, which was interesting, Leeta conceded, but hadn't it been fifty years ago? Yes, Dax said, but it wasn't as if Ferengi culture had changed much in ten thousand years and did she want to stand on the promenade discussing sociopolitical norms on Ferenginar, or did she want to get Rom into bed, and Leeta conceded that too.
But when Leeta offered to masticate Rom's tube grubs, he stuttered, looked embarrassed and ran away.
Dax pointed out that while the Ferengi Commerce Authority still didn't want women to wear clothes, it was all about context, and a glimpse of, say, Vulcan ankle had most male Ferengi reaching for their lobes. Which meant what, Leeta said. Which meant, Dax said, maybe she ought to try more conventional humanoid methods.
But when Leeta looked at Rom with that look she reserved for the most high-rolling customers at the bar, and looked deep into his eyes, and reflectively at his lobes, and asked if he wanted to go back to her quarters and compare accounts, he looked like he would cry, stuttered, and ran away.
"When it comes to a Ferengi's accounts," Jake said sagely, later, "size matters."
"And Rom isn't…" – Dax made an expansive but somehow very precise gesture.
"But I don't care about that!" Leeta yelled, and went back to the promenade.
Quark said, when she'd screamed at him for a while, and they'd argued about the exact parameters of the employer-employee relationship and whether this included sex with family members, and he'd threatened to dock her pay if she ever mentioned Rom and sex in the same sentence again, it was putting customers off their drinks, and she'd threatened to send the FCA a copy of his ledgers, and for good measure, tell Odo about the loose floor-plate behind the bar, if he even thought about docking her pay or mentioning this to Rom, that she was missing the point.
"The point?" Dax said.
"The point," Leeta said. "Have you ever said anything to Rom that didn't lead to him stuttering and running away?"
Next time she saw Rom, he didn't say anything, because she didn't ask him any questions, and he didn't run away, because she had tight hold of his hand, and he did look a little embarrassed, because Dax, Jake and Quark were exhibiting various facial expressions at the bar, but he started to smile, a slow, sweet smile, as she led him carefully up the stairs.
end.
jacinthsong asks me to. Even when she decides she wants a fic featuring Leeta entitled "om nom rom com".ficlet:: om nom rom com
by Raven
PG, Deep Space Nine. Leeta & Rom, and Dax, and Jake. And Quark. It's a regular romantic comedy, really.
Seducing a Ferengi was, apparently, more difficult than it looked.
"Oh, it's easy," Jake said, visiting the station. "Just rub their ears. They like that."
But when she tried out oo-mox on Rom, from behind as to take him by surprise, he just stuttered and looked embarrassed, and found an excuse to be somewhere else.
"You could try offering to chew his food for him," Dax said. Leeta wanted to know if she was speaking from experience in dating Ferengi, and Dax said not exactly, but there was that the-personal-is-not-political-but-cultural-diversity-is-kind-of-cool thing that Emony had gone through, which was interesting, Leeta conceded, but hadn't it been fifty years ago? Yes, Dax said, but it wasn't as if Ferengi culture had changed much in ten thousand years and did she want to stand on the promenade discussing sociopolitical norms on Ferenginar, or did she want to get Rom into bed, and Leeta conceded that too.
But when Leeta offered to masticate Rom's tube grubs, he stuttered, looked embarrassed and ran away.
Dax pointed out that while the Ferengi Commerce Authority still didn't want women to wear clothes, it was all about context, and a glimpse of, say, Vulcan ankle had most male Ferengi reaching for their lobes. Which meant what, Leeta said. Which meant, Dax said, maybe she ought to try more conventional humanoid methods.
But when Leeta looked at Rom with that look she reserved for the most high-rolling customers at the bar, and looked deep into his eyes, and reflectively at his lobes, and asked if he wanted to go back to her quarters and compare accounts, he looked like he would cry, stuttered, and ran away.
"When it comes to a Ferengi's accounts," Jake said sagely, later, "size matters."
"And Rom isn't…" – Dax made an expansive but somehow very precise gesture.
"But I don't care about that!" Leeta yelled, and went back to the promenade.
Quark said, when she'd screamed at him for a while, and they'd argued about the exact parameters of the employer-employee relationship and whether this included sex with family members, and he'd threatened to dock her pay if she ever mentioned Rom and sex in the same sentence again, it was putting customers off their drinks, and she'd threatened to send the FCA a copy of his ledgers, and for good measure, tell Odo about the loose floor-plate behind the bar, if he even thought about docking her pay or mentioning this to Rom, that she was missing the point.
"The point?" Dax said.
"The point," Leeta said. "Have you ever said anything to Rom that didn't lead to him stuttering and running away?"
Next time she saw Rom, he didn't say anything, because she didn't ask him any questions, and he didn't run away, because she had tight hold of his hand, and he did look a little embarrassed, because Dax, Jake and Quark were exhibiting various facial expressions at the bar, but he started to smile, a slow, sweet smile, as she led him carefully up the stairs.
end.
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I really do not hate you
on 2009-09-29 04:59 pm (UTC)My favourite paragraph is the one about Quark. (Though, after that, should the dialogue be Leeta-Quark respectively?)
xxx
Re: I really do not hate you
on 2009-10-02 09:42 pm (UTC)Re: I really do not hate you
on 2009-10-03 09:46 pm (UTC)What episode is this from? I just keep watching it and emitting high-pitched noises.
Re: I really do not hate you
on 2009-10-03 10:42 pm (UTC)Re: I really do not hate you
on 2009-10-03 10:56 pm (UTC)We just watched http://memory-alpha.org/en/wiki/In_Theory . AWWW.
Re: I really do not hate you
on 2009-10-03 11:12 pm (UTC)This is kind of the inside of my brain at the moment. (barring dodgyness at 0.28)
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on 2009-09-29 09:07 pm (UTC)You should post your ficlets here more often, it made for a nice afternoon reading.
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