Kangaroo court

[raven]

Today, I have achieved precisely nothing at all, having meant to go to a meeting on LexisNexis (I was asleep), a meeting on Amicus (I was asleep) and a meeting for Innocence (I was... er, yeah). I, um, don't win. While today wasn't what you would call the best mental health day ever - lots of sleeping and hiding - in general, I'm on a bit of an upswing. Certainly, I have been getting more stuff done. And I have been trying to, well, revamp my life in other ways. (Step one: throw out clothes. Really. More on this anon.)

But generally speaking, life is, if not good, quite a bit better. I am snowed under with work and it is raining twenty-four hours a day, but I have a bowl of raspberries by my bed and a cat asleep with her tail on my knee. Today is shimgray's birthday (he has just looked up from his book to ask, "Are you writing about me?", and I have just admitted, yes, yes, I may possibly be writing about him) and he is, one may remember, the most difficult person in the world to buy for. (I remember bemoaning once to jacinthsong, "I'd get him a book, but he has them all.")

So, I did not get him a book. I got him a hat. He has asked, however, that I tell the story of how I got him this hat, having been somewhat (and unjustifiedly, I say) horrified by it. You see, he left his hat on a bus. He was very upset about this. I was quite upset by this. It was a rather fantastic hat. It was large and leather - I once complained about his having led a procession into a field of belligerent cows while wearing it; they were understandably upset - and waterproof and just a Very Good Hat. Finding a replacement for it was the first hard part. (The original came from Ecuador, not a place I can easily get to.) But that was managed. (I ended up on the phone to a very nice man in Wales, who apparently runs a small hat business all on his own and was desperately upset that I, presumably his only customer that day or week, had happened to buy a hat off him during the five minutes that the website was between servers and thus given up in disgust.) "I'll send it to you!" he said. "You don't have to pay postage! Please say you still want it!"

I thought I would probably be going to hell if I didn't buy said hat, after that. However, how does one ask someone tactfully for their hat size? This took thought. (I rejected the thought of measuring around his head in his sleep on the grounds of there's dedication and there's Basic Instinct.) In the end, I had lizzip, through a Machiavellian plot of her own, very cleverly get Shim to measure round his head with a piece of string (when he was at work, no less), and relay an answer. In the meantime, sir_rosealot had kindly agreed to tell him that the kind of hat he was looking for was hopelessly difficult to obtain in this country and if she were him she'd just give up now. It was marvellously dispiriting.

I was feeling very pleased with myself, and then the hat didn't come. I waited, I waited, I waited some more, then emailed the man grumpily - and was surprised at eight o'clock the next morning to be woken by a cheerful Welsh voice on the phone. "It's about your hat!"

"Bleeerugh?"

"Is the person you want it for there with you?"

"Urgh."

"I'll send you another one!"

And he did, indeed, send me another one. It hid in plain view in my room for two weeks, was not noticed at all, I managed to misdirect him by the simple expedient of outrageous lying - he did not believe I was getting him a diver's helmet, or a solar panel, or a baby tiger, though seemed briefly unsure on a Wheat Thin the size of Lake Tahoe - and today, gave him his large brown kangaroo-leather hat, two bags of glacier mints and a Michael Chabon novel. I think I feel good about it. Happy birthday, dear.

Tomorrow, I shall go to class! And to lectures! And do some work, omg, and do my criminal coursework, omg, and generally Be Productive, and possibly sit down and tell the internet all about my astonishing throwing-out-clothes plan. But, hey, okay days, and I'm still here.

Comments

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

I am very amused by the story of the replacement hat, and love the Big Block of Cheese reference. I got my older sister hooked on the West Wing - over the space of many weeks, and on two continents, we have watched the first three seasons together.

With regard to the getting rid of clothes, I can enthusiastically recommend the Swap-a-top concept. Viz:

Step 1: gather a group of female-identified people in a room. Provide food and beverages.

Step 2: everyone dumps their clean, unwanted clothes in the middle of the room.

Step 3: the divvying up. This can take two forms:

a) a free for all. Fast, but chaotic. May result in fights where hair is pulled and unkind words are spoken.

b) someone acts as auctioneer, holding up each item of clothing. People bid for it. If one person wants it, it goes in their pile. If it's disputed, it goes in a to-be-decided pile. Anything left in that pile at the end is either disposed of via step a), or through negotiation, emotional blackmail and outright bribery.

Step 4: anything that remains unwanted at the end goes to a charity shop, and thus our collective conscience is salved.

I used to have these evenings occasionally with my friends, and they were a lot of fun!

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

Iona, if you do this on a weekend, I will totally come! Let us momentarily ignore the part where I am two sizes bigger than you.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

It's great, isn't it? I am totally going to do this, and on a weekend, yesyes.

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

The more people who come along, of various shapes and sizes, the more chance of finding clothing that fits you. And there are always sundry accessories, if nothing else fits...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

This is EXCELLENT. Yes. I will DO THIS. Thank you! (And, omg, it is a great shame you will be in NZ when I do!)

(And, hurrah for The West Wing!)

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

Well, if you can schedule it for this weekend (Sunday perhaps?) I'll still be here. I leave on Thursday next week.

Unfortunately I already gave away all my clothes to charity shops, but it would be a lovely opportunity to see people before I depart!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

This weekend is, alas, ridden with criminal coursework! You are getting people together before you go, right? Don't go without dragging everyone to G&D's or some such!

[deathbyshinies.livejournal.com]

ZOMG! Yes! After a year of being the unoffical Little-Sister-Who-Gets-The-Hand-Me-Down-Clothes of pridehouse, I could make so many valuable contributions to such a scheme!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Your clothes would fit me! Mine would fit you! We are DOING THIS.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Srsly. Would the weekend after this one suit you?

[lizzip.livejournal.com]

Hee! Successful hat is successful! :) I congratulate you on it. (Gosh, you make me sound interesting. :p)

Good luck with tomorrow. And I am pleased that your day had raspberries in.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you again for humouring my whims. I appreciate it was a somewhat bizarre request...

(And, yes, raspberries are a recent but very welcome addition to life. They should be prescribable.)

[amchau.livejournal.com]

who apparently runs a small hat business all on his own

I now cannot shake the image of a lonely Welshman running a shop which sells nothing but hats under four inches in diameter.

Also, do you see GNeil being a law geek in his latest post?

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I did not! I shall go and check this out in short order!

[vampire-kitten.livejournal.com]

Picture of hat (with optional Shim attatched) pls.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I imagine said hat will form basis for a daily photograph soon...