baby's first day at law school

[raven]

I am feeling rather fragile at the moment, having fallen afoul of everything today from crockery to topography to the local constabulary. The last straw was probably the collapsing of the top shelf in the cupboard where we keep the plates, so poor sebastienne had a dozen heavy ceramics land on her feet and the rest of us thought, for a long, long moment, that the apocalypse was beginning in our kitchen. I had a bath, but it didn't really help; next door are having a screaming row in inimitable, husky-voiced fashion, and the cat has just pulled out my power cable. With her teeth.

I got my last training contract rejection yesterday. Part of me wants to jump up and down and wail what's-wrong-with-me (actually, at the moment, a lot of me wants to do that), and part of me is being more rational (well, no, there's a different part of me who met someone today who has a contract with Freshfields and thinks, shockingly, that she's a bitch) and saying, well, it's not that bad, it's really not, I have a two-year window for this, it's not the end of the world, but. But, it's still rather unhappy-making. shimgray points out that I was in nursery and then in ESL education and then primary school education and then secondary education and then in higher education and now in vocational education and next year in professional education - and maybe having 2010 off will be good for me. I have no doubt he's right, and there is a wonderful, ethereal allure to wondering what I could do with the time, what adventures are out there to be had. But right now I'm grumpy, and wish the world would stop getting at me today.

Today was, however, my second day of law school. Yesterday was spent mostly doing admin-related things, like enrolling and finding out what my email address is and signing forms, that sort of thing, with an hour in the afternoon to explore, so I went out into the sunshine and had a look around. The campus is stupidly, ludicrously beautiful; it's at the top of a hill, set out immaculately with flowers and water among stonework with a view stretching off for miles of open country all around. I ducked in and around paths and trees and almost lost myself more than once, but it was beautiful. I returned in time for a two-hour lecture on the common law, and spent my day today being lectured on sources of statutes and the idiots' guide to contract, and to my amazement, enjoyed it all. I've not been in a classroom situation for years - sitting still for two hours! do not want! - but you get used to it again quickly, and it helps that I enjoy the material itself, as well as enjoying the process of learning. For the first time, I'm getting to learn a lexis and a process, not vaguely but specifically, so I can clearly the shape of how in nine months from now, I will be a baby laywer, I will have that body of technical expertise. I'm kind of tired of being a liberal-arts dilettante. I want to be good at something.

And, also? Today I knew stuff. Today I sat in a group situation and told three men they were wrong, something I have never been able to do easily even when they were wrong, and it was a persnickety, arsey, technical point, and they were wrong. And it's different, being a graduate, even if you aren't doing a real postgrad degree; it gives you a kind of inner reassurance that no one ever told me about. Sort of, you did your Finals, nothing will ever be that bad again. Yesterday I was sitting on the grass with two other women on the course, and this boy came along wearing a student-union t-shirt, and he pounced. "Freshers!"

And proceeded to tell us, at great length, how great freshers' week is, and how drunk you can get, and how crap central Oxford is, because it's all run over with people from Oxford, and how crap they are, so boring, did we know the type?

Having done my absolute best not to burst out laughing at any point, I finally said, as lightly as possible, "I was at Balliol. And she was at St. Hugh's, and she was at Lady Margaret Hall."

He slunk off, embarrassedly, and I felt suddenly very old. It's funny; most of the time I don't feel any different from my eighteen-year-old self, but... yeah. I'm older, in more ways than the obvious. There are a lot of former PPEists knocking around, and even more Oxonians, and it's quite nice; the people are mostly nice, actually. I don't know what I expected, but I had a very first-day-at-school feeling about it all - "What if no one likes me? What then?" - but I met people and talked to people and came home at the end of the day, tired, with five textbooks of a thousand pages each (contract, criminal, EU, land law, and contract again) but I made it through the door. I might be okay at this.

In short, I might be okay at this, and am probably not wholly unemployable. I'm just feeling gloomy, so I'm clearing out of the Mousehole tonight. It's a cold night, clear, lovely.

Comments

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

Dude, I maintain that something will come along. But if we both end up being unemployed cat ladies in 2010, I will live in your cupboard and make tomato-based hot meals. xxx

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

ooo, and GIC :P

[rosariotijeras.livejournal.com]

Iona, you are eminently employable. Shush.

Kind stranger, your icon!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I endorse this event or product. Today I nearly bought sundried tomatoes. It was very exciting.

Miss youooooooou. <3

[walkertxkitty.livejournal.com]

You've come a long, long way since I've met you. I remember a girl so shy that the idea of even talking to a stranger put her in tears and now here you are....very, very proud of your achievements. I think this will be a long, productive career for you and you seem to be quite good at it.

Don't worry about the contracts; I'm sure something better, just right for your needs will come along (though, after all these years, I still don't claim to understand the English education system...obviously it works better than ours but that's all I've gotten out of it!)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you. You're very sweet and very soothing, as always. :)

[birdsflying]

I just want to say that it more than likely really isn't you! Law firms are having massive trainee problems at the moment - my former work, Wolfram and Hart is cutting trainees down like woah (and in fact, has a not insignificant number of trainees that they may have to pay off because they don't have seats for them right now, despite offering them their trainee contracts two years ago...) - and the current economic climate is not helping.

It sucks but it's hitting everyone in the legal sector.(aside from fee earners, the bastards.)

ps. should you need the services of a law librarian, do not hesitate to poke me with a stick....:g:

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, that's really reassuring. I'm hoping everything will have calmed down a bit - not a lot, but a bit! - when the cycle comes round again for applications.

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

*smiles* *cuddles* I don't think we could - at eighteen - have quite imagined this. I found myself noticing that this week, even with such small things as driving into town and wandering about on my own, and then driving back. Simple, but free. I could do it all on my own, and it didn't matter. It was wonderful.

I'm so glad you've started something exiting that you'll enjoy. I'm sorry you're feeling low right now. *cuddles*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*squish* Thank you, dear. Despite minor setbacks, I'm feeling pretty good about the grown-up thing right now.

[selenay]

I'm sorry that you didn't get the contracts, but it sounds like you're really enjoying law school and you've got time so it's not hopeless. I'd count it as a major positive that you're feeling confident and enjoying what you're learning as well as the learning process - it sounds like you're going to be an excellent baby lawyer.

And cats will always choose the worst possible moment to do things just because they can *nods* Evil beasties. Er, which is why I'm going through the adoption process, obviously...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. :) And yes, yes, cats are good! Ours is one of the best things in my life at the moment.

[subservient-son.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this will make you feel any better, but I'm failing completely at getting a job, I haven't even managed an interview yet, and The Times today even had an article about how difficult it is for graduates to get jobs right now.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Not that I want you to fail at getting a job, but it does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one. I think my situation is profession-specific - the way the recession is shaping the legal sphere is interesting (amazingly enough, lawyers who enjoy the highly specialised area of insolvency law are quite cheerful at the moment!) - but generally, stuff sucks.

[subservient-son.livejournal.com]

Ah well, you've still got time to find things, and at least you've got something to focus on for now. We'll see if ex-wifey and I can't help cheer you up in a week and a half's time.

PS. Become a criminal barrister - It's ethical

[chiasmata]

You are awesome, Ms Housemate, and will overcome all this training contract related nonsense.

(Also, the kitten has spent the latter part of the evening very neatly removing the power cable from my computer with her teeth. Who'd have thought there was a downside to the easily-removable magnetic Macbook cable?!)

[shimgray.livejournal.com]

It's a toy!

Unfortunately, any way of telling her not to do it seems to be interpretable (if you're a cat) as you playing. Yay, unfortunate positive feedback.

[ktroo85.livejournal.com]

When our still very kittenish Burmese was younger, we used to have to keep a spray bottle filled with water nearby. A single squirt (on the face if possible) would normally stop him. (we discovered how much he hated water the day he decided to get in to the bath while i was running it!)

[chiasmata]

Ah yes! I've been intending to buy one of those for the past couple of weeks. It's good to hear it works...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

You are awesome too, my dear. (Also, oh god: I fed the cat when you were in the bath. Did it happen again? :P)

[chiasmata]

No no, I heard you do it, so ignoring her mewling! (Little bugger.)

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

Not long before I graduated from university, which would have made me nineteen, I was asked by a waitress if I wanted the kids' menu at a restaurant. I admit I just stared at her slack-jawed for a while. ;)

As for job hunting, that universally sucks. We'll endure it together, albeit remotely.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. Oh, god, that is awful. It happens to me too - someone assumed a few months ago that I was a sixteen-year-old school leaver. I'm a graduate!

(Solidarity! Job-hunting is made of crap.)

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

Just adding my voice to the chorus above: job-hunting sucks. It always has and it always will, but especially right now. But, as you say, you have a little window of freedom, you don't have to know right now--so enjoy it. Enjoy law school. It sounds like it's going to be great for you.

Isn't it weird to be older (read: more mature) than you ever really expected to be? The other day I was coming home from work on the bus, in the dark through the Haight, talking to my mother on the phone, and she told me that the latest home drama is that my sister's flipping out about riding the DC metro to school each day. There was a pause, and then she said, "...I guess that seems kind of like a silly concern to you now."

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Law school is great, and surprisingly a good thing in my life right now. Job-hunting seriously does suck, though. Seriously.

Yes! Yes, this. I had a moment a while ago when I was simultaneously trying to read a bit some law, fill out a tenancy agreement and reading a friend's account of a fetish night she went to - and then sat back in my chair and thought, shit, I'm a grown up. How does this happen, seriously?

(Also! Package for you. Should be in post this week.)

[mrkgnao.livejournal.com]

Not being an undergraduate is, in many ways, a wonderful experience...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Yeah! Why did no one tell me this? :)

[the-acrobat.livejournal.com]

As someone who spent the first 23 years of her life in school without a single break, I have to say: shimgray has a point.
As others have said, the problem isn't you, it's the job market, and before long there will be room for you in it. In the meantime, keep being the best baby lawyer you can be.
From the sound of this post, actually, I think you spent today kicking ass. Knowing stuff, and telling boys whose right... I have trouble with all of those things. You are pretty amazing.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

You are great. Thank you. And you and Shim both have a point, of course you do. *hugs*

[mi-guida.livejournal.com]

*hugs* you are going to be an awesome baby lawyer. Also, do not worry about no training contract, I know many people on LPC who applied while doing GDL and only just got one before this year. The nice firms will back date refund your GDL too (NB my firm do this; CC do not, for example).

there's a different part of me who met someone today who has a contract with Freshfields and thinks, shockingly, that she's a bitch
I have classes with some. I know/have met only one Freshfields girl (who was in PAris with me and is nice) who is not either one or both of (a) a bitch and (b) annoyingly blonde and perfect. I am reassured by non-Freshfields types that annoyingly blonde and perfect is boring, and also they are bitches.

If you ever want to talk to me about any of it, please please give me a shout. I am happy to listen to rambling/structured discussion/offer advice/tea/hugs as needed.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

This comment is so cheering I can't tell you. :) And, and, she's also annoyingly blonde and perfect! They are CLONES.

I may well take you up on this offer, you are great. Thankyou. <3

[mi-guida.livejournal.com]

And, and, she's also annoyingly blonde and perfect! They are CLONES.

This! This is so true. I had bad feelings about Freshfields from the very first drinks reception and now I understand why.

My firm is full of mildly crazy people, my intake has someone who did a PhD in 1930s cinema, an ex-chef from a Michelin starred restaurant, someone who keeps American Cool Ducks, and a guy who was a sailor on merchant vessels out of Africa for about 15 years before he decided to be a City Lawyer...! And then a small percentage of full on geeks ;)

I'm always glad to help, though, and I'm glad the comment was cheering *hugs* x

[tau_sigma]

In short, I might be okay at this, and am probably not wholly unemployable. - well, that is a good start. *hugs* I'm glad your first couple of days went well, and I'm sorry that you haven't got a training contract yet. Is that it for this year, and try again next year, or do you still have chances to apply this year?

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

This is probably it for this year, I think. I'll try again next summer.

[antediluvian]

Friend, I hope very much it is not too terribly strange that I am reading your old law posts, but I am reading them and feeling so comforted by them. And this bit so perfectly sums up an important core of why I want to do law and i am very grateful to a younger you for writing it.

For the first time, I'm getting to learn a lexis and a process, not vaguely but specifically, so I can clearly the shape of how in nine months from now, I will be a baby laywer, I will have that body of technical expertise. I'm kind of tired of being a liberal-arts dilettante. I want to be good at something.

You are such a good. <3

[raven]

Oh, friend, it was a little bit of a shock to suddenly hear myself aged 21. I feel quite old -- and older still to hear myself say the same thing eleven years ago! I'm glad, though, that this old stuff is useful to you. if it helps at all, "baby lawyer" is the GDL; "toddler lawyer" is the LPC; "law pre-school" was my Masters and "law little league" was my training contract. <333

[antediluvian]

Oh friend I am sorry! A bit like a skeleton leaping from your closet bellowing "YOU INSPIRE ME"

And yes that helps very much thank you dear one <3

[raven]

Oh, no, don't apologise! It was surprising, not bad. <3 I hope all continues well.