everything then nothing

[raven]

It's kind of warm. I am torn between jumping up and down and shouting you-call-this-hot? (in defence of that point of view, it's actually twenty-four degrees Celsius) and agreeing with the general consensus that yes, it has warmed up a bit. Obviously this is not like Indian heat - why hello there, forty-four degrees and permanent unconsciousness - or indeed lots of types of American heat (there's an inhospitable continent), but an English summer is marked in that it's experienced by English people, who have no physical or mental infrastructure to cope with heat. So when it gets to not-wearing-a-jumper temperatures, people bask or complain but definitely do one or the other. I love living in a country where summer is a pleasant surprise (nearly) every year.

The other thing that marks an English summer is how beautiful it is, of course. I have spent a couple of days artfully draped over the Master's Field in an attitude of somnolent recumbency, which is supposedly a good idea for revision purposes - it keeps me away from distractions because I have to stand up and go up five flights of stairs if I want to get to any - but in practice not, because I have been lying looking up a sky blue from horizon to horizon, and watching the way the sun flickers through the leaves on the tree beyond my window, and noting the occasional thwap of leather on willow as the Balliol teams play slow lazy cricket, and... yeah. The heat unzips the tension beneath my skin so I just sort of flop, flat, with highlighers and notes in ineffective piles all around.

The thing is, I don't think revising inside makes any difference. I am at the point where I don't really believe revising at all is making any difference. Something about the heat, certainly, but I am now alternating between long periods of zen and waves of what would be depression if the cool kids let it hang out with them, but as is, is just crushing listlessness. All the reading I do at the moment seems to be an exercise in being a human Etch-a-Sketch - things get written on the very outermost layer of my brain, and cling, momentarily, and then effortlessly fade, leaving absolutely no impression. And it worries me more and more that I have been here for three years. Three years? And all that's left, intellectually speaking, is notes distilled and triple-distilled with no depth, or intellectual value, that I still can't learn.

The astonishing thing is, I am not suffering from insomnia at the moment. I was the week before my Prelims, I remember; it was later in the summer, and I was stressed out but less so (because, as everyone did, I had in the back of my head that the exams didn't matter, Finals were the ones that mattered) but it was a week like this one, suffused with heat and quiet lethargy, that scarlatti died. I remember thinking, then, that this isn't happening to me, this is happening to someone else very far from here. I am grateful that nothing like that has happened this time around - of course it hasn't, why would it, that happened at that time for no reason - but it's amazing, isn't it, how humidity and mood can bring back another time so vividly.

No, instead of insomnia, I am having extraordinarily violent dreams and waking up over and over and being surprised to be where I am, and during the day I'm feeling very, very, very calm. I really do want this to be over now. I have daydreams of sitting by the river all day reading trashy fiction, and of watching people splosh past on punts.

Comments

[sunlightdances.livejournal.com]

I am the latter. "Oh my god, WHY IS IT SO HOT?" *fans self* *pants* *cries quietly* I am just ill-designed to cope with heat. I'm white and English - I just can't handle it!

I have been wearing jeans for about eight months now; I'm simply not prepared to walk about semi-nude in the hot months. I suddenly have a body and oh god, people will be able to see it! No no no, I don't like this at all. I tried to wear a strappy top, and I felt very uncomfortable with so much visible skin. Had to put a large shirt over it, and then was far too hot. *sighs* *hides in the shade*

[tau_sigma]

I suddenly have a body and oh god, people will be able to see it! - oh, these are my thoughts exactly. It's so warm, but exposed skin after so many months of jeans and t-shirts and jackets is just wrong. *hides with you*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

It's acclimatisable, I feel. A few days of it and it starts to feel as normal as winter does.

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

Human Etch-a-Sketch is so accurate. Aha.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

...sigh. I know. I know, I know.

[tau_sigma]

The warmth is shockingly sudden, is my problem. It was cold and rainy and several-layers-weather, and then one day the sun came out and the clouds went away, and now I'm getting blisters from all my summery shoes and exposing strangely large amounts of skin, and it's all very odd.

Revision is ... eurgh. Unspeakable.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

See, this I find weird. Six weeks ago it was snowing! It really was!

[footnotetoplato.livejournal.com]

During our recent midnight punting session, we were discussing the matter of seasons. The consensus seemed to be that 'summer' for this time of year is really a misnomer - it's spring, and absolutely lovely at that. Indeed spring here tends to be nicer than summer; normally pleasant weather without being stifling, and still some blossom on the trees.

... I'm pretty sure there was some more depth behind that comment, but I can't remember it now. Oh well.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Midnight punting! Ahhhh. That sounds delightful.

[rosariotijeras.livejournal.com]

*pants from the American Southeast*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*pets* We fail, I know, I know.

[the-acrobat.livejournal.com]

*snuggles you*
In my opinion, 24 degrees is *perfect* weather. I think it's been that here on the continent, too, and I'm in *heaven*.
Stereotypes, from one of my English classes: "English people don't feel the cold. They're always cold. That's why they never, ever wear socks."
Of course, I've been basking too. Plan a lesson? Read an academic article entirely in German (which involves a dictionary and multi-coloured pens)? Visit a museum or other Important Historic Site (TM)? Hell no. I'm going to lie in the sun wearing giant sunglasses and read Kundera.
You're going to be fine. You're going to master this finals thing. Yes, yes, yes.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, love. I do appreciate the faith in me. *hearts*

[sir-rosealot.livejournal.com]

I am one of the complainers... I am in fact the Ebenezer Scrooge of summer. I am always thankful that I don't still live in Australia, however...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I never knew you lived in Australia! There's a contrast. :)

[sir-rosealot.livejournal.com]

I was born there, didn't move here/start school til I was 5 or 6. I went back every British summer between the ages of 9 and 13. People used to say, "poor you, you miss summer every year!" but I rather liked it...

Dreams

[luminometrice.livejournal.com]

where things from your course come to life, you are put into a difficult social situation with them and they are very accurately horrible to you in ways you never knew immune regulation or bacterial chemotaxis could be. Those kinds of dreams?

I miss the ones where i just got chased and killed.

It's not long now. We'll make some good cocktails and it will all go away.

Re: Dreams

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*pets* Me too, me too. Oh, dear.

Cocktails. YES. Lots of those. Oh, please, lots of those. I am babbling, but this is just because I desire to be emphatic. Yes.

Re: Dreams

[luminometrice.livejournal.com]

I medically-ish advise you to watch some singing slugs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-Aeb96mTyE&NR=1

Re: Dreams

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

That is DELIGHTFUL. Where on earth is it from?

[luminometrice.livejournal.com]

From 'Flushed Away;' hurray for my mother who also prefers children's films to grown-up ones. There are also singing maggots.

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

I looove you. You can do this. And in two months you will be here with me, omg.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I love yooooooou, too. Two months! Yes. I cannot wait. I just want this to be over.

[mo1ra8175.livejournal.com]

Your journal is beautiful!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you! That's very sweet of you to say.