one minute there was road beneath us and the next just sky

[raven]

It occurs to me that there is a misunderstanding that I might have to clear up. A few people lately have been doing the ten-things-I-assume-you-know-about-me meme, which I have done in the past. But this is not ten things, this is one thing. I am a finalist. This means that in five weeks from now, I have Finals. When I use that word, it has a capital F. It is not like, as I have been explaining more than once recently, the American concept with the same name, which does not have a capital F.

The reason for the initial capital is this. A lot of Oxford degrees - certainly the "classic" arts degrees, English Literature, History, Greats, etc., and to my sorrow, PPE as well - operate off a truly spectacular system of assessment. At the end of my first year, I took my Prelims. They weren't particularly important. Three exams, which I had to pass, or else be chucked out everyone's favourite institution of higher learning. The pass mark was, um, 40%. Don't laugh, I nearly failed my Economics. I got two firsts and a third, which gave me a perfectly average 2:1, and everyone went home happy, including the department of economics on the grounds that they didn't have to teach me any more.

But it was Balliol who told me my marks for my Prelims; the University itself didn't actually record them. All it wanted to know was if I'd passed or not, and once it'd found out that I had, that was that. And that is the sum total of assessment that I have ever had while here. Since then, I have been reading for my degree for two years. I have - ostensibly - done eight papers, five philosophy and three politics, I have written many essays and gone to, oh, nearly fifty tutes, and the occasional class, and every so often I've even dragged myself out of bed for a lecture.

And now I have Finals. Eight three-hour exams in a seven-day period, and these by themselves will dictate my degree. They are now five weeks away. This, just so it's entirely clear, is why I am crazy. This is why a great deal of my friends are crazy. These are the things you do, when you're a finalist:

(Note: not all these are me. I'm not saying none of them are me...)

-Eat a lot of pick 'n' mix. Also ice-cream. And raspberries. And vanilla fudge. And Maryland cookies. And cheese. And drink a lot of tea. And peppermint tea. And coffee. And more peppermint tea.

-Swear, copiously, at anyone who gets between you and any of the above.

-Have conversations like this over breakfast:

"I had a dream last night."

"Yeah?"

"It had a monster with enormous pointy teeth."

"...yeah?"

"Um. I think it was the Second Public Examination monster. Um. Is that wrong?"

-In something of a dreamy-eyed daze, decide that you really do love your subject, but after days of very dry articles and frantic memorisation of propositions, you probably will lose sight of this fact; consequently, it seems a good idea to print off Plato, "philosophy begins with wonder" and stick it to your door.

-Paint your toenails. A lot. As in, a lot. As in more than you did when you were twelve.

-Get very drunk, and cheerful, and merry, and gain an irrational compulsion to phone one of your friends in particular at three in the morning and sing Happy Birthday to them, even though their birthday was four months ago, and having sung it once, launch into it again but break off halfway to say, "Oh, I found a blueberry!"

-Discover that said friend is reduced to choking, tearful, hysterical laughter at the words "happy birthday" or "blueberry" or indeed "a million a thousand three four". Take advantage of this almost-Pavlovian reaction wherever possible.

-On a quiet night of revision, go out to college to print something, leaving your best friend and your boyfriend peaceful with their books and papers, and at the threshold, say, almost absent-mindedly, "I'll be back in a bit, don't seduce or traumatise him whie I'm gone."

(Be unaware that you'd left a tube of lipgloss out - 17; cherry - below the mirror.)

And when you get back, half an hour later.... yeah.

-Say things like:

"There is a significant lack of pandas failing to copulate in the Middle East."

"Truly, America is a land of opportunity. You can get chocolate-chip pancake and sausage. On a stick."

"The first recorded example of sexual spanking in art! Oh, isn't that exciting!"

-Do odd things to your hair. Bonus points if you look like a) an Asiatic Pippi Longstocking or b) an escapee from a kibbutz. Double-plus bonus points for volunteering your curls to a sixties lesbian fancy-dress costume.

-On a quiet afternoon, go out to college to print something, leaving two finalists behind busy with their books and papers. Say, almost absent-mindedly on the threshold, "I'll be back in a bit, no trauma while I'm gone."

Get back half an hour later and take two bemused seconds to notice they've swapped clothes.

Notice with further interest that four hours pass before they swap back, and the wrong one still looks like he's escaped from a kibbutz.

-Discover, to your lasting horror, that there is no year zero; that you've been misusing "deontological" your whole life; that there is such a thing as a nonce word; that "nonce word" is a nonce word; that the British Museum station was haunted by the ghost of an Egyptian mummy; that you might be a geek; that you might also spend too much time on Wikipedia.

-Notice that, in possibly a similar frame of mind, your next-door neighbour has, in a dreamy-eyed daze, stuck a piece of paper that says "philosophy begins with wonder" to her door. Procure a piece of paper of your own and stick it to your own door with the words: "bacteriology begins with an unhealthy fascination with yoghurt."

-Sleeeeep.

Yes, sleep is good. I go and sleep now. Not crazy really.

Comments

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

I adore you, y'know. ;)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, dear. I adore you, too. :P (Besides, I never would've fallen in with this bad set without you, so. *g*)

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

Funny how that worked out given I'm 5,000 miles away, but the world is so very small, isn't it? :)

(Wish it were a BIT smaller and then plane fares to get around it would cost less, grumble grumble.)

[brewsternorth.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

And here was I thinking a nonce word was something Gene Hunt would take delight in mispronouncing.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thankee! And, yes. The OED is very careful to distinguish between the two senses of the word.

[icepixie]

I DO NOT GET your odd system of tests and horribleness. Comps at my college were bad enough, and I just had to pass those bad boys. And it was only one day of testing and a separate paper.

I say the management over there needs to be introduced to the concept of the participation grade. *g* (Seriously, it would've made my year at Exeter Uni much better. People would have talked in class! We might have had discussions instead of silence!)

Anyway, good luck! (Also? Totally with you on the "too much time on Wikipedia" thing, OMG.)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

NEITHER DO I OMG. It's truly, truly ridiculous. I imagine Exeter was saner than here, because everywhere is. Everywhere, everywhere in the world is saner than here.

And thank you! I need that good luck, I do.

[isiscolo.livejournal.com]

*pets you*

No, we don't have anything like that, that I know. But when I was in graduate school, in order to become an official PhD. candidate, I had to take what they called the Comprehensive Exam - a four day take-home, a research paper, and an oral (in which a team of professors quizzed me on the things I'd screwed up on the take-home and my paper). I was in such a state of panic leading up to this, I know exactly how you feel.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

It's awwwwwwwwful. And it makes you crazy. And it makes everyone around you crazy. And they reinforce your crazy. So you get crazier. And make everyone around you crazier. And.... you get it. Oh, dear.

[that_mireille]

I grasp the panic--I had to go through a *much* smaller version of this when I got my BA, with my comprehensive exams, and I can't even imagine doing it at a place like Oxford. My school was bad enough. :)

*hugs you*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, love, I do appreciate the hugs. I tell myself that this is the hardest thing I'll ever do, most likely. I don't know why this is a consolation, but there you go. :)

LOL

[sparkly-stuff.livejournal.com]

Truly, America is a land of opportunity. You can get chocolate-chip pancake and sausage. On a stick."

I am sorry to say I have spent almost my entire life in America and have yet to have had a chocolate chip pancake and sausage on a stick. Or even seen it. But that sounds really good! I could probably go buy some pancakes and sausage and make that.....mmmmm....

Re: LOL

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I have to admit, we did suspect it was a hoax. Apparently it wasn't. It was truly horrifying.

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

And this is why you will do well, love. Hang on to all of those things, they are, in the long run, what matters. Everything else is collatoral. Promise.

ilosophy begins with wonder"

Yes. Yes. The more often you can fall in love with what you are doing over the next five weeks, the more often you can surprise yourself, the better it will go.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*cliiiiiiiiings* Thank you, sweetie. This is really nice and reassuring to hear.

[chiasmata]

*pats you* Like TOAST. I told you.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

AARGH. LIKE TOAST. *loves*

[the-acrobat.livejournal.com]

*HUUUUUGS*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

<3 <3 <3 you're coming to see me! this is WIN!

[stupidore.livejournal.com]

May I add,
Develop an obsession with tidying your room and cleaing the house.
Decide that the best possible thing to do is organize and colour code all your notes from previous years.
Decide that you really would feel happier if your sock drawer was sorted by colour and laid out in terms of the colours of the rainbow.
Develop an interest in cooking elaborate dishes involving much time and many ingredients.
Stay up all night watching TV you haven't seen since you were a kid.
Sit in the library ignoring your reading and people watch instead.

Not that I've ever done these things you understand...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh god yes. Especially the people-watching. It's getting ridiculous.

[sir-rosealot.livejournal.com]

Yay! One of those is me!

[tau_sigma]

YOU ARE GREAT. And, um, I am glad that my degree is accumulative.

Although, I'm quite envious of you, going through this with a whole set of friends. I'm suddenly feeling a little left behind by the fact that a large proportion of my friends at Durham are finalists this year, but I am not; ok, there are others who are not, and who are good friends, but still: an awful lot of people are stressing over exams for the last time, and leaving for the big wide world, and although I don't want to be doing either of those things just yet, I'm kind of sad that they're all moving on without me. Does that make any kind of sense?

I do not like nonce words on the principle that 'quark' was once a nonce word, and anything related to quarks in any way cannot be a good thing.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

That makes every kind of sense. There is a strange joy in not doing this alone: I mean, people really do bond in adversity.

anything related to quarks in any way cannot be a good thing.

Er. Isn't everything made of quarks? Doesn't that mean there are no good things?

(Or, I don't know, maybe things like democracy and justice are good, but nothing, y'know, tangible. *g*)

[tau_sigma]

Everything is not made of quarks. I think. Leptons (electrons + heavier versions; their associated neutrinos) are elementary particles in themselves. Um. Everything else may well be made of quarks, but I DO NOT CARE. Maybe I'm being very philosophical and championning friendship and love (truth, freedom, justice and a hardboiled egg!) over material goods; maybe (more likely) I'm just driven mad by revision and homework and the fact that everything, even the little simple things like buying a new monitor, are becoming vast ravening monsters. Yes. I think it's probably the latter.

[http://users.livejournal.com/selina_/]

As a fellow Finalist, and a fan of your LOLKANT on Mrkgnao's LJ, consider yourself friended.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Hello there! Good to meet you. What kind of finalist are you?

[http://users.livejournal.com/selina_/]

A Psychology & Sociology Finalist at Reading, 3 weeks away from never having to revise ever ever again...