all the anger and the eloquence are bleeding into fear

[raven]

Oh, so much woe. I hate fifth week. I hate it, I really do. I hate sleeping for fourteen hours and still feeling tired, I hate seeing the world through a haze of grey. It's funny, how you can write two essays a week for four weeks consecutively, no trouble, and it's essay no. 9 that's the killer. It's safe to say, I think, that I will never write this essay about Soviet relations with Eastern Europe. I have been trying all day to read, and failing. And I guess I should be grateful I live here now, where there is maybe twenty minutes more light than there is in the north, but it's still so dark.

(I had an odd moment this afternoon, thinking: this has been, and will be, my life, this swing from manic, crazy term-time to long holidays of recovery, back to can't-breathe crazy and ruthless optimism, then back to my family by the sea, but it won't last forever. An Oxford degree is three years. It won't always be like this. As always, I'm not sure how I feel about that.)

I think I may be nurturing some sort of viral population, which I do NOT NEED right now, I have too much to do as it is. I can't write this essay, or even read for it; I can't be bothered writing this personal statement, I am British, I self-deprecate, fitting yourself into the norms of another culture is too tiring so the papers just stay on my desk and get more and more covered in dust and coffee rings, and I'm supposed to be doing some artwork for Tiptop, and I'm sort of angry about it - I do their design for nothing, save comps; I do it because I can help them out, and now they're pissed off because I won't do this design before next week when I DON'T HAVE PHOTOSHOP and am nurturing viral life forms, oh, everything is rubbish and awful - but mostly just filled with woe. It's going around. My flatmates are eating cupcakes and watching Al Pacino movies, Maria and I spent an hour dismembering a crab. Piece by piece, with chopsticks and a nutcracker, and I probably shredded my hands with it, but I hate fifth week and it was fun.

Urgh. This sort of woe is so dull. Even for me, I assure you.

Comments

[rosariotijeras.livejournal.com]

I have nothing to say beyond I love you madly, dearest, and I swear that that post card is on its way!

[foulds.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Need somebody to come round and quietly drink tea in the same room at all?

[withiel.livejournal.com]

I have Photoshop, and can get you it. Also scanners. Also time - don't take this the wrong way, but if it needs to get in, I can put in a few hours and do some of the donkey-work. Because design in Oxford is Hard, and people Don't Forgive.

[shimgray.livejournal.com]

(Mmm, scanners. We had a visit today from a guy running a digitisation firm. It was marvellous to see someone who wasn't actually a salesman selling stuff - he had no presentation, no glossy brochure, just a laptop and a lot of questions and sheer enthusiasm.)

I: do feel free to install anything you need to on the laptop. (If you can't get photoshop running, gimp certainly will work okay, and I hear 2.4 is almost usable)

[absinthe-shadow.livejournal.com]

*many hugs*

Coffee and squee when we both feel up to it? I'm back now. No pressure at all though, I don't want to rush you - let me know when you have some time.

[tau_sigma]

*hugs* I hope your woe doesn't last too long. Tiptop sound like they should take you for granted a bit less; there's only so much you can do, and you do it of your own goodwill; no-one should be getting annoyed with you. You, my dear, are AWESOME. *squishes*

[balthaser.livejournal.com]

I was going to say that if you wanted it, I have a not quite legal copy of photoshop 7 (I think) on my harddrive that I could send you, or if you'd prefer, the boy has photoshop CX (I think). Just let me know if you'd like me to send it to you!

[chiasmata]

You are great. Listen to the Russian national anthem again. xxx

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Would tomorrow - Wed - be too soon for you? I'm desperately in need for things to look forward to, and I've got to work all day but could definitely spare an hour for coffee after about 1 or so...

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

I loooooove you. I picked up your essay crisis kit just today--because I fail at checking my mailbox regularly--and it has helped so much, I can't even tell you. Seriously. I'm devouring some of the chocolate right now.

What exactly is fifth week, by the way? Is it the halfway point in your term? Or... something else? Whatever it is, it sounds horrible, and I hope it passes for you soon.

Until it does, though, dismembering crabs is a valid response, because dismembering crabs is deeply satisfying. As I can personally vouch from a LIFETIME of experience, and perhaps an email or two detailing the joys of same. ;)

[absinthe-shadow.livejournal.com]

1pm in borders again? Would love to see you!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you sweetie! It's probably the Royal Mail that are holding it up.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you for hugs, and for the text last night. I ended up moping at Laura and sleeping a lot, and stuff is marginally better now.

See you tonight?

[foulds.livejournal.com]

Yep :)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you. If Loki is not fixed by this weekend, I will definitely take you up on it. I would rather not install Photoshop onto Shim's laptop - is it possible I could use it on your computer?

Amen on the Not Forgiving, siiiigh.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I let people do it, and I don't know why or how, but it's probably why I'm made of woe right now. *squishes you right back*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie! It's not so much not having Photoshop, but not having my own laptop to run it on. I can probably cadge someone else's copy, but it's not the same. Thank you very much for offering. xx

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Where's James when you need him? Thank you, sweetie. Oh, re: dinner sometime - when would be good for you? xx

[withiel.livejournal.com]

Absolutely - just drop in whenever and take over for a bit - I can put my hands on a copy of Illustrator if you need it. RE: Amen - since the Xenu thing and the Brope incident, I suspect I'm finished round these parts.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am so glad! There was so much that I just couldn't put in it - myself, fr'instance - so I'm really glad it was of help regardless.

Fifth week, oh dear. Well, as we all know to our sorrow, Oxford full terms are eight weeks long. Most people are around for the week before - noughth - and the one after - ninth. (People are in the habit of counting off weeks and referring to days not by dates but by "Wednesday of fifth", etc.) So fifth week falls right in the middle, when all the momentum from the beginning has gone, and yet Christmas is nowhere in sight, and you're still at the grind and everything begins to get utterly overwhelming. What amuses me - in a morbid sort of way - is that it's such a documented phenonmenon; people actively schedule their lives so they'll have more time off in fifth week, and you think it's a myth but you come home and everyone is just so utterly miserable, and it's contagious too. Urgh.

Weeks end on Saturdays at midnight. Which gives me three days, eight hours until it's over. Once more into the breach!

Oh, and yes, yes, you were right all along, crab dismemberment is of love. Our whole kitchen is strewn with carapace and viscera. It is very satisfying, indeed. :P

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I really appreciate it. If is needed, will probably be over early next week. What was the Brope incident?

[withiel.livejournal.com]

Oh, similar to Xenu one - director did not communicate properly until night before deadline, I explained that I was able to make the changes necessary and gave a (reasonable) time (they called me at 11pm the day before the deadline, I said I'd get it in for 2am, which I did). Woke up the next day to find out the changes had been made by someone in MSPAINT. Phoned up to find out what had gone on, director had "got worried" and gone to bed an hour before I said I'd deliver, and had her boyfriend ineptly make the changes. Later discovered that apparently this was a result of my "unprofessionalism".
Hate. Hate. Hate.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

ICK.

MS Paint? Srsly?

Ick.

[withiel.livejournal.com]

Yes. I spent a week working out how to imitate a malfunctioning Victorian printing press in Pshop, and then it was edited over in MSPAINT. Not in the same resolution or font, either. That would be unprofessional.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Alex my dear, could I take you up on this, maybe on Monday evening? I only need it for a couple of hours or so, after which it will be DONE, thank FUCK.

[withiel.livejournal.com]

Yes. Come down whenever. 351b Cowley road. Ring me on 07772702019 if problematic.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Er, yeah. I am a moron and meant Sunday. Thank you, this is a lifesaver.