MOPE.

[raven]

I shall have a scribble about Utopia in a minute, I promise. But right now I am sitting here, fresh off three nights' worth of hangovers and no sleep, with a week since the last time I ate a real meal that didn't involve sandwiches or Sainsbury's value brie, a week of OULES shows and rehearsals and cast party, a term of AIESEC and Cherwell and Cerberus and two essays a week, fresh off two academic years now settling down as dust after a crazy sleep-deprived tornado whirl. I'm living with my parents for a while now - at least to the end of July, during which I will decide what I do in August and September - for the first time since December of last year, and I... well, I don't know.

Outside, it's raining again, and it's quiet and cold all the way down to the sea. It looks very bleak, very lonely, and although I love it here - I do; I've missed my parents, and I've missed this landscape and seascape - I need to learn how to love it again. Right now I'm feeling like I'm the only human being for at least a mile's radius - and I very well could be - and all my friends are far away. I guess I should have tried harder to keep friendships going up here, but I'm away all the time and besides, Oxford takes over everything, doesn't it? hathy_col and I were having a good squee over Doctor Who just now, but she's still in Cambridge, and we're going to miss each other by a day or so, so it'll be three weeks until I see her.

Oh, I do hate transitions. During my last year of school, there were nine months between my being accepted and actually going to Oxford, and during that time I used to try and tell myself, every time I thought of it, that yes, you hate school and you're leaving it, but don't think going to Oxford will solve everything, because you'll take your problems with you; don't think it will be perfect. And of course I was right, because it hasn't been perfect. But two years on, I am defined by love for my friends and my life and my subject, for a city, and especially in the last two weeks but over the last two years, I've never been so and been so happy to be alive.

I'm not here from the end of this week, and my parents could only bring my stuff up today; I came with them, because there wasn't anything keeping me in Oxford until Wednesday, so I might as well. So, in conclusion, don't mind me. I'm just lonely and mopey and on a comedown, and missing Oxford. And in need of human company, I guess, 'cause I miss you aaaaaaaall. Oh, shut up, Iona.

Comments

[the-acrobat.livejournal.com]

I think what you need to do, after August, doesn't particularly matter when... when you have time... is come to Berlin. It beckons you. Or else perhaps meet a dear Canadian friend in Paris. :)

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

I miss you too! I ended up watching Doctor Who with your usual crowd of peoples, but it wasn't the same without you there...

[chiasmata]

Someone said to me once that her favourite thing about coming home to her parents' house was her bed, because it was the only thing that didn't change or require adjusting to. I think this is very true.

Was also going to say, was so nice to see you bubbly and happy again this week!

[amchau.livejournal.com]

May I call you today? It's been ages since we talked.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*squishes you* I can't wait. It's going to be marvellous.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Aww, I miss you too! Everything went so crazy that I never had a chance to see you, or to make horrified noises at your latest fic ideas!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*grins* Oh, my bed. It is the best bed ever. This is an entirely objective opinion.

And heeee, yes, I hit my stride this week, finally. It was a lovely time.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Can it be tomorrow rather than today? :) I have lots of time tomorrow and can happily spend an hour bending your ear...

[amchau.livejournal.com]

Yes, it can. It might be a bit late-- about 10-- but I'll call you.