...squee.

[raven]

So, I just blew my entire week's wages in one go. Admittedly this is not as much money as it could be - I'm doing only three days this week, and that mostly sitting on the counter eating sandwiches - but it still represents a fairly hefty chunk of my current funds. But I don't care. I don't care at all. That is the best use I have ever put £71.50 to. It's gone on return flights from Indianapolis to Chicago on September 4th.

My parents have no idea why I wanted so desperately to go to Chicago for the day. (They said absolutely no way to Greyhound, I'm not entirely sure why, but flying is better than fine with me, naturally.) But I am losing sight of the point of all this which is OMG I AM GOING TO MEET gamesiplay AND the_acrobat. It's actually happening. It's actually happening! It's been the subject of idle daydreams for four years - wouldn't it be cool if we could meet, and we will some day - and some day's nearly here and I am so excited I can't think straight.

Just... omg. This is awesome. I haven't been so excited about anything in years. I have to get up in six and a half hours and I'm too wired to sleep.

Actually, given that I'm quivering with excitement here, I might as well use the energy for something productive. I'm wondering how easy it is for a non-US citizen to fly domestic - the last few times I've done it, I've been "random" searched - and what identification I'll need. I'll have my passport of course, but I'm tempted not to take it with me. Will my (EU) driving licence be acceptable? (No, I haven't passed my test, incidentally; I'm taking it in three weeks, and having failed it, will continue to hold a provisional driving licence.) Actually, one day I will sit and compose a long and impassioned rant about the sheer indignities I'm subjected to every time I step foot in the United States. But this is not the time. I'm too happy.

It'd be good to get some sleep, though. I haven't now for a long time, and it's beginning to show. It's partly the heat, and partly I-don't-know-what, but I can't sleep and can't be awake either, because I've come over incredibly agoraphobic and it's bizarre. I'm having trouble talking to people without panicking, I'm having trouble going past people on the street without panicking, I'm having trouble functioning through the constant headaches engendered by lack of sleep. I don't want to go anywhere where social interaction is a possibility, and it's making me cranky.

Today, I managed to get out of the house and go to work. Thankfully there weren't many customers, and I'm hoping to manage the rest of the week all right. Tomorrow I'll be in Oxford - hence getting up at the crack of dawn, hence sleep being a good thing - because I'm got a relative who wants to see it and needs a native travel guide, and I'm sort of looking forward to it because it's home, I'll feel safe there.

In fact, I think this is all a momentary mental blip. But it's why I haven't been around for a while, as there was a point where LJ comments were too much like interacting with other people. But yes, I didn't make this post to talk about the random misfiring of my brain. I made it to squee. SQUEE. September is too far away.

Comments

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

OMG OMG OMG.

There is seriously no other word in the English language (OMG is so a word) adequate to this occasion.

I hope your agoraphobia clears itself up (what an odd thing to just come upon you randomly); but if it doesn't, I won't mind because awkward is my middle name and we can revel in it together. Yes: together. !!!

OMG.

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

Oh, and a point of interest: I actually dreamt about meeting you two last night. And it was all tangled up with anxiety about getting enough sleep (?) and making it to work on time, and I was SO ANGRY because the gist of it was that I had to go to bed at midnight rather than stay awake talking with you guys because I had to go to my hellish job the next day. My brain, she is very transparent.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

That is so right. "OMG" is the closest to adequate expression of my feelings. But still not quite adequate. OMG. OMG.

(It is a bit weird! It's wearing off now, slowly, but for a while there I was getting pretty whacked. But we can revel in it together!)

And, hey: my brain is just that transparent. I dreamed about missing flights last night. Sigh.