er, I aten't dead?

[raven]

There seem to have been a lot of posts lately where people detail the various points and factoids whereby they can prove they are a) not sockpuppets and b) not dead? I would have thought the continued vitality in my typing fingers - middle finger of each hand, if you're particularly interested - would have been sufficient exemplification for the latter, but there does seem to be insistence on this fact. Anyway, to be quite clear about it:

1. I am not dead;

and 2. I am a real person.

That is to say, I am not, for example, an incredibly delusional individual who sits in a room somewhere and imagines all this babble.

Anyway, I hereby declare that I am exactly the person that I claim to be in this journal. I am a nineteen-year-old university student with a faintly dull life, I have never asked anyone to buy me an iPod - I have one already, so there - and neither have I ever faked my own death. And if you don't believe me, there are about fifty people with LJs who have met me at one time or another, fourteen of which have seen me in the last three days. And if you don't believe them, then I don't know what to tell you. You could perhaps check all the houses painted white situated on the English sea coast. Or indeed you could try Balliol College, Oxford, which is eight hundred and forty-three years old and thus outside my capacity to make up.

I would continue being flippant and ask why someone would want to pretend to have my life - but it did actually happen once. I was very surprised.

Anyway, in other news, I went to work today and got drenched coming and going; the shop is just the same, although it's been broken into twice since I was there last; and the best book we sold today was called "Hen and the Art of Chicken Maintenance."

Yep, that's it.

Comments

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

You seem real to me...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Awww, damn. I thought I was doing such a good job pretending to be a figment.

[icepixie]

Or indeed you could try Balliol College, Oxford, which is eight hundred and forty-three years old and thus outside my capacity to make up.

No way. You totally made it up. There's just this blank space somewhere in Oxford that you've filled with this fictitious "Balliol College." That H.H. Asquith guy who graduated from there? Your creation. You've just fooled all the writers of British history books everywhere.

Faker.

:P

[emily-shore.livejournal.com]

Everyone knows that the real college is "Baillie College," because Sir Humphrey Appleby went there!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Boo! I am foiled! Now buy me an iPod, minion!

[dougs.livejournal.com]

I'm very definitely a real person.

ursinehenry prefers the term glove-puppet to sock-puppet.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I'm sure he does. Bless his non-existent heart.

[hathy-col.livejournal.com]

You are so not real. It's true. YOU'RE ALL ACTORS ON THE STAGE THAT IS MY LIFE. I have never seen you. I have never visited you at university. I have certainly never crashed my car into your gates.

YOU ARE SO MADE UP!

(wheee painkillers. This comment was SO SLOW to write.)

[amchau.livejournal.com]

You are so lying. Iona is real, it's you and I who only exist in her imagination.

And besides, I'm totally not real, I'm a sock-puppet Neil Gaiman uses in his spare time.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

AGAIN MY CUNNING PLAN IS FOILED. *weeps*

(Speaking of people, places and things that do not exist - when are you coming baaaaaaack? I want to see you!)

[hathy-col.livejournal.com]

I will be home on... uh... the 18th? Or the 19th if I am too hungover to drive that day.

Term does not finish until 15th. SOB.

[chiasmata]

You mean you're not a figment of my imagination? Well, I'll be darned.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, no, no, I am a figment. As figments go, I make more noise and eat more chilli sauce than most, but still. Am resolutely Not Real.

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

Well, clearly I would never admit, while on public transportation, to sticking my arm up a cow if any REAL people were around. Thus, it logically follows that you are not real. I'm blowing the whistle on you!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*vanishes in a puff of cow-manure-scented smoke*

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

You are real and already have an iPod. I am, as we all know, a sockpuppet carefully created by you, and therefore you should give me your iPod. Yes.

/headache

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Yes. *nodnod* Your logic is indeed Earth logic.

[remey.livejournal.com]

so i'm going to assume someone is saying you're a sockpuppet? :S


um. they are morons. lol.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*laughs* No-one specific is accusing me, no. But there does seem to be a lot of it about.

[ressie-noldo.livejournal.com]

Oh, what, so you mean that there are real people on the Internet? Funny, I thought all of them were very complicated computer programs.

Incidentally, I have asked someone to buy me an iPod. They did. WOE, for by the standards of the Internets I apparently exist no longer. *vanishes in puff of logic*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I thought that too. I mean, clearly you are all 1s and 0s, and I am the only real person in existence. *nodnod*

SHAME ON YOU. :)

[hips-lips-tits.livejournal.com]

i could never pass for being fake. nothing cool EVER happens to me.

you, on the other hand, are most definitively a fictional character. i'm glad i made you up! ;P

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Heeee! I'm glad you did, too!

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

But, but, if you were fictional I could move you to 1989's Alt-Oxford and have you interact with James. And you could call round at the house to borrow a book and catch them being vaguely obvious and then get sworn to secrecy in a way that makes it all far more obvious. And then Imogen would call round with a new cake recipe for James to try (Imogen can bake, but not as well as he does) and all would be right with the world again.

Also the best book we sold today was called "Hen and the Art of Chicken Maintenance." I want that book. Even if it's less exciting than the title.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Heee! I would LOVE to be fictionalised and moved to Alt-Oxford. It would be fab! As it is I can only read about the extraordinary things that happen there. (How's the novel going, by the way? Are you anywhere near done, yet, or is there still a long way to go?)

It is a wonderful book. It arrived today and I spent five solid minutes engrossed in the mating habits of the bantam.

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

In spite of the chaos at work, I'm now 60% through what I hope will be the final edits. So I should be able to start submitting to agents in the New Year.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Marvellous! Do keep me posted!

(Sorry for incredible lateness - have just got last week's comment notifications in one go)

[living-yen.livejournal.com]

I also am not cool enough to be fake, and whether you are real or not (i'm presuming you are, since I presume Hathy_col is, who I found you via)I've enjoyed reading your tales of life in general and life in oxford in particular. I hope you won't mind if I add you and continue reading(i understand about workloads and friending, so this is merely to let you know, being polite etc)hope that's ok

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

hathy_col was real last time I checked. Hopefully she will say the same for me. And of course I don't mind if you friend me! It's nice to meet you. :)