In which the use of "omg" has ceased to be ironic.

[raven]

Why My Life Is Currently Seventh Level Of Suckage, by Raven aged nineteen and a quarter.

1. EXAMS. Are horrendous and have not even started; whilst people at other universities seem to have not only finished theirs but had time to plan lazy jaunts to tropical climes in meantime, mine do not even begin for five days. I have spent ridiculous amounts of time in libraries, reading rooms, huddled away over books away from sun, and in true Socratic fashion have discovered that all I know is that I know nothing. Jesusgod. Nothing at all. Am faced with past papers of Doom. ("Do you know you are reading this question?", "Is morality demanding?", I don't know leave me alone ohmygod.) In fight between them and me, past papers winning by mile. (Have added link to them in LJ sidebar as concession to my rational self.)

2. REVISION CLASSES OMG. They are awful. First of all they are either at 9am or 7pm or else in the middle of the day so cannot do work before or after, and second of all they are always advertised as wonderful drop-in surgery-type-things where all your problems concerning exam technique will be solved in an instant, but in practice are two-hour sessions of boys talking over each other whilst hammering one tiny miniscule omg I don't care infimitesmal point into the ground. (Case in point: today's class, meant to be on political theory in general ended up as two hours on fucking conception of exercise concept self-realisation in republican freedom ohgod who cares.)

Also: BOYS. I hate them indiscriminately. Every revision class (or tutorial, recently) features boys, because they are not boys but MEN, omg, they are MEN, and they have TESTOSTERONE, and they have PENISES, and so are better than everyone else, and can talk over everyone else, and women we are as nothing shall we go and make you a cup of tea please master. Last tute-but-one, female-PPEist-who-is-not-me started to make excellent point about benefits of monopolies. Boy next to her interrupts, jumps in, says, "But isn't that...?" and proceeds to say the EXACT SAME THING.

She says, naturally, "Isn't that exactly what I said?"

He looks uncomfortable. Does not apologise.

The next tutorial, I had not said anything for forty-five minutes due to fact every time I opened my mouth, one of (five) tute-partners would talk over me. Finally, polical theory tutor said to me, "What were you going to say?"

I opened my mouth and said, "Well, I was-"

And was soundly talked over by lugubrious male Marxist on either side of the room. Aaargh I don't care what you think about historical class struggle I was talking - but I didn't say that, but sort of slumped down into couch and gave up.

Later conferred with other three female PPEists, who confirmed I am not imagining it. They are doing it, and yes, they only talk over women.

In addition: I am beginning to realise that despite doing stupid amounts of work, or at least what I thought was work, I don't know anything. I can't follow what the others are talking about most of the time. I am, I have concluded, quite stunningly mediocre. And omg when I hear people carping about how they can't get their marks of 75 up to 80 (my highest mark ever in one of these is 67) I think about killing people and then think that would be a bad idea as I would probably fail miserably as clearly am as inept at homicide as I am at everything else. I will not fail but only because these exams are so hard to fail. I have done this whole year all wrong and I have nothing to show for three terms of work.

(I had a dream last night that Pat shot me. I don't know what that was about.)

3. SUGAR. Well, not sugar exactly, but I am putting on weight and I hate that. Not something that usually worries me as I don't weigh much to begin with, but some calculation concerning rate of putting on weight has revealed will weigh half a metric tonne by time am thirty. This does not seem right but the numbers have it.

Also, Ben said I have the greatest liking for sugar of anyone he's ever met. It's strange how you don't notice things until someone else points them out, but this is true. I still eat pick 'n' mix and occasionally eat sugar straight out of the box, and yet am still continuously hungry.

4. CLAIRE CURTIS-THOMAS. Has not got back to me despite the fact I've rung and emailed once a week since March. I have reached the conclusion that while she was very nice in March, she was messing me about; I have no job, no internships, nothing at all for the summer except lounging around being useless. And it's not for lack of trying. I even went to see the university careers people. They said maybe I should get a job with my local council.

Wow. Other PPEists between them are a) moving to China b) riding Trans-Siberian railway or c) working in Daddy's investment bank or, indeed, d) doing all above plus directing opera.

Et moi? Licking envelopes for fucking Sefton Council. Joyous. Am not only useless and mediocre but laughably provincial, too. Complete with silly accent.

5. THE INDIAN HIGH COMMISSION. Who will not process my dual nationality application until I produce a 35mmx35mm passport photo. Such things do not exist, according to every photography shop in Oxford. The High Commission are not only horrendous bureaucrats but also magnificently incompetent - FAQs on their website include this gem:

Q. I need to apply for dual citizen. I am holding a British passport and i need your help on how to go about to get the citizen of India.

A. Pls visit our website for full details.

How do you reason with people like this?

ARGH. Must run. Revision class to go to. Ohgod.

Comments

[hathy-col.livejournal.com]

History boys are like that too! The depressing trick is to be exactly like them and play up the fact that you're provincial. It stuns them into silence and then you make the devastatingly intelligent point you were going to make whilst the accent miraculously wanders 200 miles South. There is a reason that I vaguely remember from English Lang about this - men, especially POWER CRAZY PPE (or International Relations With Modern History which seems to be our rough equivalent in terms of competitiveness etc) BOYS, talk over women because they have the hideous combination of being, well, power crazy, as well as being horribly male and due to the way in which society works generally presume that they rule all. But yes, these are probably more like immature wee boys who have just got out of home and must carve their way in the world by being VERY LOUD in between going home at weekends for Mum to do their washing.

(Note to self: stop reading feminist literature)

Castrate them all with a spoon. You'll feel better for it.

Also my summer job thus far has been cleaning chalets and it will then probably morph into MacDonalds. OH YAY. The council won't hire me, the bastards, despite having done so when I was 14. Sefton might be more friendly, though. And you might get something good - hang on in there. There is nothing wrong with being provincial (note to self: stop listening to father re: superiority of North) and nor are you mediocre or useless.

I will go away now. Given my summer plans basically consist of 1. Go on cheap holiday to Cambridge where I have admittingly had fun 2. Pretend to parents I did a really good job of dog-sitting and hopefully get some money or duty-free alcohol out of them THE CHEAP BASTARDS and 3. Pay off overdraft I am feeling your pain about that on.

(Oh, and about the food thing: sugar won't fill you up, no matter how much you crave it. Fruit is apparently a very good substitute, but it's crisps and chips that do it for me so I'll be quiet. Maybe try eating lots of carbohydrates and bread and stuff to try and fill yourself up?)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*smiles* Good to know it isn't just me. How long are you in Cambridge for? It sounds terribly fun.

Is it just me, or has it been absolutely ages since I've seen you? I honestly can't remember the last time. It's ages 'til I'm home, oh woe. This place is getting to me a bit.

(Ah, the food issue! I am now always hungry even when I've had a full meal. It's awful.)

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

Exams are evil. At proper uni I made a habit of just passing, and since then I seem to have made a habit of dropping out of courses before I even reached the panicking about exams stage.

Meanwhile there will be Alternate Oxford exam-stress fic as soon as smtfhw recovers from having her house invaded by nutters of various nationalities during the British GP (I may fiddle with it again today, if she hasn't beta'd it yet).

At a later date there may be fic in which bad things happen to the other males of James' tute group. He will obviously deny all responsibility (probably from under his fringe and/or behind his shades).

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Heee. *g* I wish I had tutes with him. He sounds like my kind of person. *g*

(While I'm here, tell me about the novel! Is it up for publication?)

[icepixie]

*is glad to not have run into these horrible kinds of boys* *then again, did an English degree; the gender ratio was about 3:1 in most of those classes*

Also glad to see someone who shares my sugar habit! *usually puts four teaspoons of sugar in a cup of tea and then lets the bag steep for 20 minutes*

*shares in lack-of-job woe*

Wow, that dual nationality website is on crack.

[biascut.livejournal.com]

A typical English seminar where I did my degree was two or three boys and six or seven girls, and three loudest people in the class would still always be the boys and me. And it was the same in the seminar I taught, too: the two boys and one girl would talk just as much as the other six girls put together. Even though the boys were saying cool queer feministy things, they would still talk more than most of the girls. And I had no idea what to do about it as seminar tutor (though I hope I would have noticed if anyone was blatantly interrupting). GGAAAARRRGH.

Iona, I think you and the other girls women should have a Strategy. You could all start yawning loudly whenever one of the boys interrupts. Or, whenever you do get to speak, finish with a very pointed, "And what do YOU think, OtherFemaleName?"

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I don't put sugar in coffee, but I do in everything else. It is like crack, but legal and less than a quid for a kilogram.

PPE is probably the worst degree here for gender imbalance, barring perhaps the hardest sciences. It's awful.

Re: the website, YES. YES IT IS. Who they pay to write these things, I don't know.

[snowballjane.livejournal.com]

Our accent is not silly! Although mine is dwindling to the point where people don't go "wait - are you from up north?" until we've been chatting for about ten minutes.

I hope the summer job situation improves, but my underwhelming summer jobs extended to cleaning surgical equipment at Whiston hospital and working in admin for a couriering firm. And now look! All those posh boys who talked over me in seminars (grr!) envy my job (which is totally the kind of job they think they're entitled to and I constantly find people are astonished that a Northern Woman could possibly do).

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Heh, mine sometimes never comes up in conversation at all! Except when I get nervous, of course - and then it's thicker than treacle.

I am very, very jealous of your job, so that is very reassuring! *g*

[the-acrobat.livejournal.com]

BOYS. I used to 1: throw things and 2: shout "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE!" when they would speak over me like that. Or just flail.

SUGAR. No shame.

And to the rest, a million, billion hugs to you. Best of luck on the exams!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*g* More with the flailing, than anything else. I shall have to learn to shout. It will be good for my self-esteem. *nodnod*

O sugar how much I love thee. *worships it*

[the-acrobat.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I think your accent is very pretty.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you! (And thank you for the good wishes, up above; I totally forgot to say!)

[me-ves-y-sufres.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain, re: boys in politics. I was the only girl in the politics extension class in my college, and one of only two people who hadn't gone to a private secondary school. The lads there were incredibly arrogant. One particular incident involved a guy repeating the term "a priori" over and over again, and then treating me like dirt when I asked what it meant. He used to act exactly the same in each of the extra-curricular activities I saw him in: debate club, English extension, and history extension. (I may have been a little smug when he didn't get past interview for PPE at Oxford. Only a little bit, though, and only in the privacy of my own head, because there but for the grace of god go I, etc etc.)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

"A priori" is the worst phrase ever. Seriously. People use it to death and I'm never sure that they know what it means.

Be smug! You are obviously BETTER than him. *g* But we knew that anyway.

[amchau.livejournal.com]

The only upside I can offer is that the longer you have in the summer to hang around and do nothing, the higher the chance that it co-incides with my 'travel around and see people' free time, and therefore the chance that we can get together at some point.

Is that quote really truly from a formal website? Pls tell me they are joking and have not used 'pls' in their main FAQ. Because if they have, then I suspect that you're never going to be able to reason with them.

[amchau.livejournal.com]

P.S. FYI, I am now in Glasgow. If you'd like a phone call, I can promise to be avalible, but you'll have to text me to confirm.

[wildestranger.livejournal.com]

That boys are stupid and taught to behave like immature idiots is an unfortunate fact of life. However, you can feel comforted by the fact that at least, by virtue of begin female, you don't need to spend most of your time playing with your penis.

That said, I'm very glad that my field (eng lit) has more women than men. Saves me from the trouble of crushing male egos all the time, fun though it is. ;)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Heeee. Penises, I believe, are massively overrated.

(Eng. lit boys tend to be nice, I find, if somewhat Byronic. *g*)

[ceciley.livejournal.com]

Boys: That is why I am interested in applying to Newnham. Debating is largely populated by disconcertingly self-assuring private school males, and I have developed an unfortunate habit of automatically screeching "SHUT THE FUCK UP" whenever interrupted. Occasionally does the trick, except when it happens in a heated discussion with friends in the pub, and they go "...". Especially since I am considered relatively shy / quiet.

Second thought

[ceciley.livejournal.com]

PPE's catholic subject matter must involve a module on feminism, right? Or something?

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

Give me some time to learn to drive and I will kill people for you *nods* All I ask is sleeping space on the floor XD
And *hugs*
xx

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Heee! What a wonderful offer! *hugs*

[kuteki.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Hang in there, only a few more days and then sub fusc, stupid flowers and before we know it, all is over. And you do know a lot, of that I am sure, though I know how you feel, like past papers are evil and impossible and everyone else seems perfectly fine with them and also seem to have a lot more free time than me, which I don't have but still end up wasting hours (I read a huge fic today, haven't read fic in weeks, why today?!) I hate revision classes, they are just a waste of time, I want to be in the library all day long dammit, as when I am not there revision doesn't really happen. (Okay I will shut up now, you certainly don't need my frustration, how did an encouraging comment end up like this? Why am I still writing. I think it's time for me to go too bed)

Good night! ♥

PS. Ohgod how can British politics questions be so difficult?! I am meant to be able to do politics...

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I was reading fic today too! It was awful! And word, word, word on the rest of it. Everything is evil and awful and why dear god is it not Tuesday afternoon already omg?!

We're hanging on in there. Watch us hang. *g*

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

GRAR. I feel your pain on the boy situation. It hasn't happened to me so much in college, I suppose because--like a lot of people above--I'm doing English, but for my other twelve years of schooling, those people were EVERYWHERE. Particularly in history/politics; WHY IS THAT?

Quite frankly, you are one of the smartest people I know or have known, and while I really don't know what your exam marks mean, I do know that a lot of people who happen to get high grades/marks are just hacks, plain and simple. You are smarter than most of them, and what's more, you are more interesting and have more perspective on, y'know, that thing called life. So say I.

I hate people who have exciting, interesting, or otherwise bearable summer jobs. Let's start a club to kill them. Vigilante justice, of a kind.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I DON'T KNOW. I wish I did. History and politics seem to bring out the whole "OMG I am right and you are wrong" side to them. And economics isn't much better; one might argue there isn't that much room for manouevre in that field, but they find that room and try to do twenty-three point turns in it. (Very bad metaphor, but I am woefully tired.)

Ah, thank you for the nice words. I think I need the perspective on how exams aren't important, because right now I am seriously considering jumping into the Cherwell (not for the purpose of killing myself, you understand; for the purpose of running away to sea!).

Oh, yes. Let's kill them all, starting with the lawyers. *g*

[troyswann.livejournal.com]

see, I'm totally sympathetic, and yet, you are still clever enough that in the midst of my sympathy I read sentences like

but some calculation concerning rate of putting on weight has revealed will weigh half a metric tonne by time am thirty. or the bit about the dual citizenship FAQ and I find myself laughing because of the wit and then I want to give you a noogie and a foot rub.

First years are terrifically traumatizing and ridiculously stressful. I thought my first year at university was going to kill me. But it gets better. It really does. I've had a lot of first year students sitting across my desk over the years saying just what you're saying, and by and large, I get to shake their hands at graduation.

Hang in there, man.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! *g* It makes me feel better, that I can be witty when I'm stressed. I sometimes worry I entirely lose my sense of humour at times like this.

*clings to Sal* I'm hanging on. Just four days left of this year!

[foulds.livejournal.com]

Ahem.

Not to be overly serious or anything, but this is a pet hate.

Please do not make comments about 'all men'. I understand it seems to be generally considered acceptable to make blanket comments about men for some reason, though I fail to see why.

I would see it as unacceptable, as, I'm sure, would you, if somebody tried to suggest that girls made awful tute partners because, say, 'they have VAGINAS, and OESTROGEN, and God, they suck, and nag and whine'. Because there are girls in the world that nag and whine, but not because they are girls, and there are boys that will talk over you, but not because any of us are awful.

If, therefore, it's unacceptable to generally slag off your gender, I'd appreciate it if you could not slag off mine, and thus me. Kindly do not use modern equality in freedom of speech as an excuse to make sexist statements against a gender who now can't, or we really haven't got anywhere.

(hope it's OK to jump in - )

[biascut.livejournal.com]

loneraven was obviously exaggerating for effect, but it doesn't quite do to reduce the whole thing down "there are some nasty boys but there are some nasty girls too". What she's describing is a system of privilege which has been observed over and over again in mixed-sex education settings: on average boys will talk more, and louder, and for longer that average girls. It is to do with privilege, and it is to do with generations of the belief that having a penis entitles you to things that people without penises aren't entitled to, and it's not exactly unrelated to the fact that there are vastly more men than women in parliament and that men earn significantly more than women.

And for that reason, whilst I don't generally condone, "Oh, all men are bastards" kind of talk, there IS is a big difference between women saying that about men and men saying that about women. It's a structural and systematic difference between the way that men are taught to express themselves and the way women are taught to that consistently privileges men - not ALL men, but many men - and if people don't get angry about it then it won't change.

So, I agree with your point about making generalisations, but you need to distinguish between making unfounded generalisations about a group and noticing and describing systemic difference. And you do yourself a disservice if you won't make that distinction when you complain about generalisations.

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

I still eat pick 'n' mix and occasionally eat sugar straight out of the box, and yet am still continuously hungry.
Oh god, I am so glad other people still do this. Not eating anything with gelatine barely helps - I hoard sugar lumps from cafes, occasionally eat honey out of the jar, and frequently eat at least four sherbet tubes in a row (hence the Facebook photo). It's awful.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

It is awful, yes! I need sugar, goddammit. I like the sherbet tubes, but not as much as I like actual strawberry sherbets. Mmm. I can get through bags and bags of them.

(And WORD to honey from the jar, ohgod.)