into the night

[raven]

It's getting light. It's five in the morning, of course it is. I have been at this the entire night, and I'm not quite halfway through doing what needs to be done. At my current rate of progress, I wouldn't finish this in double the time I have remaining.

But I am calm. I am serene. I am zen. I am very very zen. Things cannot get worse. Of course I said that last week and they did, but I think I mean it this time. I cannot get given more work to do. I suppose I can, theoretically, but they tried to teach me differentiation from first principles last term and some of it stuck, and there's a lot of things about some value n tending towards a limit infinity. Everything tends to a limit, and this is mine. Hence the zen. I think. I don't often see five am from this side and make sense.

I can't remember what I was talking about. Zen. Yes. Me being calm and serene. At the beginning of term, I had a problem about my collections being a bit shit and still having large portions of the syllabus to cover, and the solution was to divide my time up neatly into half and do lots of revision in one half and the syllabus in the other. And then there was a new, improved problem in that I didn't have one essay a week, I had two or mostly three. And the solution was to do twenty minutes of revision here and there around essays so I'd done something in the way of it and henceforth not fail my prelims.

Now the problem is I have so much work I don't have time to sleep, and I am out of ideas. It is a very liberating feeling, being out of ideas. It is like the latest round of Raven vs. The Rest Of The World, and I have lost. The Rest Of The World has just stridden out of the ring, banging its chest and making King Kong noises, and I am lying on the canvas with my eyes closed and thinking: well, at least that's over. Liberating. So there is calmness and serenity.

Flu-type thing is not going away. I think that's why I'm feeling so cold. It can't be that cold in here. I had the window open and now I'm shivering.

Um. Economics is really dull. It's really very dull. Almost as dull as botany. Actually maybe it's slightly more dull than botany, because botany at least has sex-crazed taxonomists saying Freudian things about plants with pointy leaves. Which is quite interesting. But econcomics is just dull. I was telling this to Claire earlier today and I think she thought I was talking total rubbish.

I still am talking total rubbish. I think I just am rubbish. But I am feeling very calm about it.

Comments

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

You ain't rubbish, it's them thats rubbish. Something really needs to be said about it because from the sound of things, you don't party or time waste or anything, most of your time is work-spent. You wouldn't be there if you weren't ready, willing and able to work, y'know. But it's them who've fucked up.
If you've given up, does that mean you'll sleep now? Because all-nighters are really bad things. Ask the girl who used to wander Edinburgh at night and not go home till she was ready to drop.
*hugs*
xx

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

I went on and checked to see if you were still online, because it's 3:00 a.m. here and I have to, like, learn the history of Reformation literature. You aren't, but still I send all the good thoughts in the world (or this side of the world, anyway). Hang in there. It ends, you know? At some point.

[kuteki.livejournal.com]

Wow, I really, completely understand how you feel. The strange calm of being completely screwed time wise and yet carrying on, the impossible huge workload, even the damn illness. So, I will try to give you advice, because omg do I empathise.

Having 3 essays a week is fucking hell, (my philosophy tute was moved a day forward as it clashes with an micro revision class, have 1 day for econ reading+essay and one day for phil reading+essay, both nights I am busy...)I think that if you can't complete all on time, that is more than understandable, as long as you do all the reading before the tute or the essay if you normally have to do it 24 hours before then the tutor has to understand.

You can't just do work, it is impossible and unhealthy and it is Trinity for god's sake there has to be fun, punting, picnics and pimms! I tried to do work and little else but 1)My friends got really worried about my constant presence in my room and kept visiting, ie no work was done and 2) Half the other PPEists are constantly outside playing croquet, damn them. I know a 5am post doesn't reflect how you really feel but a balance is necessary if we are to survive. And we will survive!!!

You should sleep, sleeping is really important and lovely *misses bed like whoa*

Economics is dull. Whoever invented it was also dull, also really, really evil. And maths is even worse, but soon never again.

Okay, I am going to shut up now, go read about the open economy and sorry about the humongous comment! Oh. Since we don't have lectures anymore and I never see you, we could go for coffee/G&Ds sometimes for a study break and to complain if you want?

[tau_sigma]

If you have flu-type-thing and immense loads of work, get thee to a personal tutor/senior tutor/chaplain or someone?! Whoever you have to talk to, please do, it isn't worth working yourself into the ground, especially when you're ill to start with. *hugs*

5am can be a beautiful time of morning, after spending the whole night awake, though. *smiles*

[foulds.livejournal.com]

No no no, you are not rubbish, you are an Oxford student, and thus we can be great and still fail miserably from time to time. Did until 5.30 not so long ago, and didn't realise it had got light until I turned off the lights. Spent a good bit of time talking to the morning light on my balcony, actually. Things will all work out, x

[pinkishmew.livejournal.com]

[cuddles poor overworked Raven] You're not useless. It's Oxford, that bizarre 'we shall work you until you die' work ethic. Actually, I don't know of anyone else who has regular essays, except as assessed coursework, which is what I have.

... To be honest, that's really not as comforting as I intended. Bugger. [shuffles off]

[comes back for more cuddling]

[anotherusedpage.livejournal.com]

Just echoing the cries of 'it's not you, it's them'.

Don't overwork yourself, it only acheives the same end as not working at all...

*hugs*

[foreverdirt.livejournal.com]

*points up* What she said.

Also, *more hugs*

You can get through it. People who are a lot less fabulous than you do. *nods*

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

I'll second the 5am can be beautiful thing. In Edinburgh I was frequently out all night, just walking and enjoying the quiet.
xx