Imagine I've put something witty here

[raven]

Is five thirty too early to go to bed? Too late for a nap? I don't know. I think coffee will have to do. Black, at that, because I don't want to go out to buy milk in the pouring rain. It rains a lot more Oop North that it does in Oxford. I'm not sure if I like it or not.

Anyway. I am sleepy because I keep going to bed late, because I'm still on holiday this week, but getting up early because I'm going to work. Work is becoming something of a French farce, it must be said. I called up last week, Tony was delighted to hear from me, said can you work Monday and Friday, I agreed with pleasure. I worked on Monday. On Tuesday I went to the village to buy a Mothers' Day card, and popped my head in to see who was working. Tony, bless him, was busy with a rep in the back room and wanted to know if I could stay five minutes to keep Deb company. I agreed. This was at two o'clock. I got home at six with seventeen unexpected pounds jingling in my pocket. On Wednesday and Thursday... well. I do not learn. So I am now about eighty pounds richer, surprisingly, and I wouldn't have minded anyway because, as I have said many times before, I love my job. The reason I am doing so much of my job, though, is the bit that's farcical. It seems that Mike, as well as being almost on his deathbed himself (he sounds an awful lot like he's ready to expel his lungs through his ears), is busy looking after (read waiting hand and foot) on his other half, who went to Estonia and broke his arm. I asked how, exactly, he went to Estonia and broke his arm there; Mike said he slipped and fell over whilst escaping from an icicle about to fall on him. More suitably surreal details are not forthcoming.

However, we have an advantage in working in a shop that is twelve foot square - you can carry on a conversation from any point in it. So I sat on a shelf and dotted books, Mike manned the till, and we argued vociferously about Pratchett whilst Tony occasionally puts an oar in from the back room. It has been thoroughly enjoyable. Mike is very grateful to me for making him watch Firefly - he's a big Mal fan - and wanted to know if I'd seen Life On Mars and spotted the fact it's a ripoff of Night Watch. We agreed on that, and then spent some further time arguing about whether or not Night Watch is any good. More of this next week. The only jarring notes so far have been an inept sixth form Media Studies film crew, and a wannabe SAS recruit who fancies me and makes no secret of it. We shall see.

Yesterday, I made it home from work in time to swallow some coffee and run out again, for I have decided to be proactive and Do Something about my future, and with this in mind, I rang up my MP's office and demanded to see her. Well, it wasn't so much demanded as asked nicely, and I got a next-day appointment, which impressed me. So off I went, and it was one of oddest things that's ever happened to me. To start with, I was pretty sure I'd have to go in there and start explaining things from scratch, but she - that is, Claire Curtis-Thomas - gave me a chair and a cup of tea and asked, conversationally, "So how long is it since I saw you last?"

It took her forty-five minutes to tell me about it - she talks a lot, and is rather brusque and motherly, telling me to sit up and stop chewing my hair - but what she's going to try and do, in essence, is get me a parliamentary pass for the summer and put me to work in her Westminster office. Quite apart from the thrill of that by itself - working in the House of Commons for a month! me! - it's not an envelope-licking job. Rather, it's going to involve running a proper project, with proper politicians involved, although she was understandably vague about the details. I'm not letting myself get properly excited about it yet, because it's nowhere near certain, but if it does work out... squeeee. A summer internship in Parliament! Eeeee. I'll know for sure on Monday.

So, basically, life is good on the work front. It is not so good on the academic front, because while I have done my data analysis project, I have done nothing else. From about Tuesday, I'm going to have to really work. I really am. I've been being much too lazy lately. It's quite, quite ridiculous. But the strange thing is, I actually feel like something has come unglued inside my head. After four months of writers' block, in the last two weeks I've written eleven thousand words, and there's more still spilling out over the floor, and it feels good. I don't think I'm ever really calm unless I'm writing. There's such serenity about it. And the other benefit, of course, is the writing itself. There's been lots of Life On Mars fic - I already posted Running From Themselves, but there's another piece that may be worth posting, and then there was my remix, which I did the day of the deadline, and the latest crackfic, and now... well, I shouldn't admit it. It's far too shameful.

Um. Yes. Three thousand words of Remus/Tonks. I'm losing my mind. I think it might be something to do with the fact I've spent the last few days re-reading Half-Blood Prince, and have reached the not-unexpected conclusion that it is a very good book. From my non-biased, non-fannish, critical perspective, it's still a very good book. It's much tighter than the previous one, much better, and well-paced with very consistent characterisation. It's got flaws, of course - it could be tighter still, and the prose occasionally has a tendency towards the workmanlike - but basically, it's wonderful. Above all, it's such a good story that you see beyond any technical faults. And, most tellingly of all, there is a bit of it I haven't read. It's the two or three pages following the bit where Dumbledore drinks the Horcrux potion. The first time I read it, I reached that point just as the plane landed; it seemed advisable to stow the book before Customs. But when I reached Darwin and carried on reading, I quite deliberately picked up again three pages later. And this time round, I had another go, and I skimmed it, sort of, but I just can't read that part. It's too intense, too painful, and I just can't. The other bit I think is almost too painful to read is the bit where Remus falls apart into his chair in the hospital wing. That's dark for a kids' book, but then, it isn't a kids' book.

So I am writing Remus/Tonks, and falling for Remus all over again. I was telling tau_sigma the other night that he's my most longstanding fictional crush - surely I'm not the only person who gets these? - as I have been in love with Remus Lupin since the age of twelve. (Since I was twelve, I mean.) I've given up trying to put my finger on why. It's something that just is.

And that is everything in the life of me, I think. The next post I make will probably be a recs post.

Edited to add: more spoilers in the comments, but really, you should have read it by now.

Comments

[me-ves-y-sufres.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on the internship, it sounds very cool! Will you be living in London?

Because of various college things, I've met the local Labour MP twice (actually, not my Labour MP, the one from the constituency next to mine) and both times have looked like an idiot. Once on national TV. I cringe to remember.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It's not certain yet, but it it does work out, then yes, I'll have to find somewhere to live, probably on someone's floor.

*g* Do I get details? What happened?

[me-ves-y-sufres.livejournal.com]

In the run up to the last election, the three major candidates came to our college to do a Q-and-A session in the lecture theatre, filmed by the Politics Show. Various students asked questions. I went last, stumbled to my feet in front of the cameras, hid behind my hair, and blurted out my question.

I don't remember exactly what the question was- something about Michael Portillo, immigration policy and the Conservative Party- but I do clearly remember that mine was the only question aired. And all you could see of me on the broadcast was this pair of glasses somewhere behind really, really long hair. Like Cousin It. (If I recall correctly, they filmed on my birthday, so I spent my morning opening presents and squeaking over books rather than, you know, paying attention to grooming and so forth.)

I feel slightly comforted by the fact that a couple of weeks ago the Labour MP popped into the college to give a speech about the impportance of the Youth Parliament, and all the leaflets she gave us had "parliament" spelled wrongly. Small things. This was the occasion where I opened my mouth to say something like "you two-faced weasel, I despise you and your spineless policies" and it came out as "can I have some information on joining Young Labour?". I couldn't stand to be rude, yet I also couldn't think of anything else to say.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Heee. Yay you for being aired, though! And I, too, ended up with many Labour leaflets following the last election. That's how Claire Curtis Thomas knows me in the first place. *g*

[pinkishmew.livejournal.com]

That's frankly amazing about the internship. Well done and congratulations. (I am thinking overly about summer jobs and have decided I shall sit and grow mouldy in my new wheelchair.)

Remus just.. is. He's so lovely. Am not personally in love, but can very much see why someone would be.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's not for sure yet, but we shall see. (Don't grow mouldy! Start a cottage industry knitting Tom Baker scarves!)

He is. I love him so very, very much.

[pinkishmew.livejournal.com]

Well.. I certainly can knit. :)

[elyim.livejournal.com]

Wow, how absolutely fabulous would it be if you got that internship?! Fingers crossed for you!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Awww, thank you. I have many, many bodily parts crossed myself.

[minttown1.livejournal.com]

I really hope the internship comes through! I will be sending good thoughts.

And what's this about Remus and the hospital wing? Admittedly, I was a bit in shock by the end of the book, but I can't quite remember it.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thank you, very much. I am on tenterhooks.

It's where Harry and Ginny come up to the hospital wing and break it to the Order that Dumbledore is dead. Remus just says, "No!" and sits with his head in his hands for the rest of the scene. The bit that gets me is a line that's something like, "Harry had never seen Lupin lose control before", and neither have we, and I was reading this last night and sniffling just a tiny bit.

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

Except it isn't exactly the rest of the scene; the part that gets to me is that three pages later he's telling McGonagall it's not her fault and generally going back to being an all-purpose consoling presence. Gah.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh god, yes. Remus as an all-purpose consoling presence is such a prevalent theme through the books, actually - I particularly like him soothing Molly throughout OotP - and it makes me think that either he's overdue a meltdown or that he's had one at some point offscreen.

[purple-smurf.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on the internship! Or even the possibilities of an internship.

And yes, Remus is someone more than worthy of falling in love with time and time again. I think I only read the pages following the potion section once, and then I skimmed it because yes, it is so damn painful. Although Remus!Angst is something I can always get behind -- even if he's gay, dammit.

::coughs:: I may have issues.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I still love him so much. *loves* And OMG YES HE IS GAY. YES HE IS. But I might be able to get behind bi!Remus. Because clearly, clearly he was in love with Sirius, and they got back together after Sirius came out of Azkaban, and it was all fucked-up and angsty, but they stuck with it, and things were getting better, and then Sirius died, and Remus was heartbroken and so was Tonks, and there was drunken sex with her looking like Sirius, and now they're bonding over that, and he has discovered long-hidden straight impulses, and, and, oh, you get the picture.

*also has issues*

[kismeteve.livejournal.com]

Good luck on the internship. It sounds like a fabulous opportunity. :D

Um. Yes. Three thousand words of Remus/Tonks. I'm losing my mind.

*evil laugh*

Hee.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And is that the good or bad kind of evil laugh? *g*

[kismeteve.livejournal.com]

It's an evil laugh of anticipation! (if that makes any sense...)

[amchau.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the internship. (Here's hoping you get to come to London!)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Here's hoping, indeed! *g*

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

Ooo, hope you get the internship. You're lucky to be on speaking terms with your MP! :) I wish I had finished my data analysis project. Arghydfg.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Aww, thank you. Is yours particularly horrendous? Which one are you doing?

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

Wages - possible reasons for gender gap (ohgod WHY could I not do a more original topic, it is embarassing). It shouldn't be this bad, but I was immensely lazy til a few days ago (as I always am) and am now number-crunching liek woah. It's just that...trying out models, levels, logs, etc just seems so arbitrary, when I don't really know anything about the wage model, and it frustrates me because I don't know where I'm going.

The moral of the story is: do more work in the first week of the holidays, or even in the term *pokes brain*

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I did that one, and have done no work in the holidays as yet. I feel the pain.

[jacinthsong.livejournal.com]

What else do you have to do? We have Macro exercises for first week (of which I have done a small amount) and then, um, I think just revision. For. like. ten hours of collections, as well as going over Micro *weeps*