In which kitchens are taking over the world

[raven]

[The scene - int, small village shop, day.]

PHONE: Ring. Ring. Ringring. RINGRINGRING.
ME: (slightly breathless) Hello, Pritchard's Bookshop.
SOME GUY: Hello! Would you be interested in a brand new kitchen...
ME: Wha-huh?
SG: ...subject to a free quote and estimate...
ME: (totally nonplussed) This is a bookshop.
SG: Oh. Sorry to have bothered you.

[He hangs up. Long pause.]

PHONE: Ring!
ME: Hello, Pritchard's Bookshop.
SG: ...never mind.

Some time later, I arrive home and meet my parents, who have also, contrary to all expectations, been shopping for a new kitchen.

MOTHER: ...and an island in the middle with the gas, with curved edges or straight I wonder? Maybe both... or would that take too much space...
ME: Shame I won't be here to see it, really.
PEDAR: Iona! Do you want this house as your inheritance?
ME: Ye-es...
PEDAR: Then show more enthusiasm!
ME: Okay... But if you didn't leave this house to me, your only daughter, who would you leave it to?

[long pause]

PEDAR (triumphantly): Infertility!

I'm off out to Colleen's big gay piss-up in a bit. I never want to hear about kitchens, gas ovens, coffee table books about Florence architecture or horizontal Irishmen again in my life.

Comments

[eternalwings.livejournal.com]

At least you didn't decided to go out and about in town with Catherines mates.
There was much wearing of black and girls hugging me and shouting my name which was odd as I had no clue who they were yet they appeared to know me.
Have I become a mini celebrity in Liverpool? Take the fact that a man rapping about religion (oh yes you heard me right) was shouting how we must all convert or go to hell. Surprisingly he was looking straight at me when he said the last bit and I think we can guess I'm not a celebrity

[ladyfalcon.livejournal.com]

My mom does a similar thing - whenever she's annoyed at me, she reminds me that the house isn't really my house, and that there's no rule that says she has to leave it to me.

ME: Who else would you leave it to, then?
HER: ... Your father?

Which begs the question of who he's going to leave it to. Perhaps his evil twin. Parents. -shakes head-

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*g* I think I prefer the evil twin option to infertility.