Cherry blossom; or, I am back from DC

[raven]

I'm back! And despite the exclamation point, it's really only a whisper. I'm exhausted; it was a night flight, leaving Dulles at ten-ish and getting here at ten in the morning. I like night flights going westward, not inbound. The net result was of course that I haven't had any sleep in thirty-six hours and am getting just a tad twitchy.

Anyway! It was an interesting trip. Certainly one that will stay with me, for reasons that will become clear. It began with a trip down to London (it's much too complicated to explain why, but we flew out from Heathrow) followed by a morning flight on the Tuesday. It was without a doubt the worst flight in my experience. Not only was it insanely turbulent, with the aircraft dropping several feet like a stone every few seconds, righting itself for a few seconds, then doing it again, it was also plagued with horrible headwinds. Hence a six-hour flight became seven and a half hours, and I was stuck sitting by a pair of extremely noisy American children. I don't of course mean to imply American children are inherently more noisy than children elsewhere, only that I wasn't able to tune out their accents.

But we made it in the end. That first night was rather nice, as the city was sunny and bright and full of people; while my parents pottered around trying to get settled in, I ventured out to find a post office. They're very different over there, but I managed to dispatch a parcel of BSG discs to Ohio without major incident. Have just checked to see it did arrive, and I'm glad to see it did because the woman I talked to could not understand my accent. If I may pause for a moment to rant, I am BRITISH! I come from the country that invented the damned language! I am not that incomprehensible, and I rather think that tomorrow I will make a phone post to prove it. So there.

Later on my parents joined me in just wandering about the city. It was a lovely evening, and we walked up to Dupont Circle, which surprised me. Everything I'd heard about it suggested traffic-heavy urban ugliness, but although there was traffic, there were also wide pavements and greenery and people playing chess in the dying light. Every second person had an iPod. I really liked it.

[As a brief aside - in DC, they do not have red and green men to tell you when to cross. They have orange hands and then a white running man, but this is the good part - they tell you how long, to the second, you have to cross, and it counts down to zero at which point it turns over again. This fascinated me more than I can say.]

Also, there were bookshops. One of them particularly caught my eye because of the two rainbow flags above it, and when I saw the name - Lambda Rising - I got it. I drifted in, my parents trailing behind me, and lingered to look at books and rainbow streamers even when they'd disappeared. My mother was rather typical about it. I've told her so often that she can't work for the government and be offensive in any way, but it doesn't register. Anyway. I decided at that point I had to get back to the bookshop.

Which is easier said than done, when you're in a foreign city in volumnious wake of your parents. But it would appear luck of some sort was on my side; the next morning I woke up at quarter to six in the morning. Jet-lag, obviously; I decided to make use of it. I got dressed as quietly as possible, left a note pinned to the bathroom mirror and slipped out.

I had thought that there would be no-one about. But in the lobby, and in the streets outside, there were people going to walk, people on the phone, people peering at Blackberrys. From which I later concluded that in America, people go to work extremely early. I don't know why.

I walked back up to Dupont Circle thoroughly enjoying the morning, and obviously the bookshop was closed. I peered through the window in the manner of a girl who is well and truly closeted, and walked back. Didn't tell my parents, of course. But we went to quite a few bookshops that day, and I realised that Borders has a gay&lesbian section. The first book I found in it was Mixed Signals by minkboylove. It made me blink a bit.

Anyway, that was the day we did the tourist thing. I'm not going to write much about the memorials, as people much better than me have written about them, but I did find them interesting and worth seeing. It was fun, especially as the weather was lovely and they were talking about the cherry blossom festival by the Tidal Basin. It irked me that we were just a few days too early for the cherry blossoms - they're expected to bloom on April 7th - but the ones that had bloomed early were lovely.

My only regret is of course that neither Leigh nor Taf were in DC this time; meeting my LJ friends makes me very, very happy, but even if I don't get to meet them, I did notice one other thing. I use LJ as a means of maintaining a network of friends all over the world, and it's beginning to show. I'm slowly losing the ability to be a real tourist, as all the places I'm likely to go to are places where I have friends, where my friends have friends, places I've heard about and not seen but not places that are entirely alien.

A case in point is Leigh's comments a few weeks ago about the DC Metro system as compared to the subway in New York. I don't like the subway system in New York because it intimidates me; it's not so much the trains and the crush of people but the constant sense that it's not really a safe place to be - you get warned so much about pickpockets and murderers and escaped alligators that you can't help but worry.

In comparison, Leigh was entirely right about the DC Metro - it's very different. It's about a third of the size and five times less complicated than the Underground, and all the stations look like they were designed to house modern art installations. They're big and atmospherically lit and the trains are quiet and modern but still wail like Underground trains. And, amazingly, you're not allowed to take food or drink down into the stations. Consequently, they're pristine, like no-one's ever walked on them. The one thing that I couldn't get a grip on was the way the stations don't seem to have names. The one we were closest to, Farragut North, has a name, but lots of the others tend to have descriptions rather than snappy appellations.

This is all the fun stuff. The reason that I called this trip interesting rather than good is yet to come.

I managed to buy my "lesbian interest" books in the end, and I even got something for Hannah, but I was pissed off with myself for hiding it. So one night, in the dark and suddenly torrential rain, Pedar and I went out for a pizza and I told him. I meant to be sensible and precise about it, and say "I'm bisexual" with eyes up, but it came out all garbled and in the end I just told him I had a girlfriend, and who she is.

And now he's not talking to me.

Well, no, that's too simplistic. He is talking to me, and I guess an outside observer wouldn't notice anything wrong, but it's there. Suddenly we're not friends any more, and it feels horrible, all wrong, like a discordant note. I don't know what to do.

The last couple of days were ruined a bit by the rain. Apparently there was six inches of water; at any rate, they put back the date of the cherry blossom festival. The return flight was just as turbulent, and when we got back home I was feeling diesmbodied from tiredness. I still am.

I love and adore you, flist. However, I cannot read all your entries for the last week. I have read some journals and I've also read the friends page for colleen_show, but if something important has happened, don't assume I know about it. Tell me, I want to know.

And now I go to die from tiredness, thanking you all kindly.

Comments

[purplerainbow.livejournal.com]

Argle! I assume this was what you wanted to tell me, but couldn't. Argle again. I never thought your father would be the one to be funny about you and me. Any changes from your mother?

Apart from that, the trip does sound lovely. I'd like to see that bookstore some time! And I can't wait to see my present. :)

I'm very glad you're back, dear. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I missed you.

Oh, and look at all the pretty icons I have now!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Yep, this is what I was trying to tell you. I suppose I couldn't expect him not to bat an eyelash, but still, this is not good.

I'm glad to be back, as well. I've got the gift stashed away until I get to see you, which should be soon. :)

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

I'm at work. They didn't tell me this till today, and i start proper tomorrow afternoon. Thats about it.
And gah :'( I'm glad you had fun but what happened after sucks. *hug*
xx

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad I know about it.

*hugs back*

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

thanks *more hugs*
xx

[milieus.livejournal.com]

It's funny that the cherry trees haven't bloomed in Washington yet; there's quite a few in full bloom around here (Georgia). We've had just as crummy weather as Washington, apparently. Ah well.

And hugs & hope that things look up between you and your father. At least you could say it!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

The very earliest ones had; there just wasn't the big rush of blossom that there will apparently be later.

Thanks! Yes, I hope so too.

[flickgc.livejournal.com]

Don't worry. Give him a little while to get used to the idea and you two will be fine again.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*nods* I can only wait and see.

[the-acrobat.livejournal.com]

Oh! That so frustrating!
I think he'll come round, though, once he realises that you are still the same person you always were and that you aren't going to start wearing a rainbow tutu and dancing the cancan whilst singing, "I'm gay! Yay!" up and down the main street of your town while Hannah bellows into a megaphone, "Queering the world! Let's everyone get naked!" and spinning pirouettes.
Which is to say that sometimes it takes people, close family members especially, a little time to get used to a revelation like this, but that this horrible, tense period probably won't last forever.

I hope that first bit didn't come across as offensive - my goal with that was to make you smile.

Is it difficult to find lesbian interest books where you live? If it is, I could always tuck some in the mail for you.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Yes, it did make me smile.

It's not so much as they're difficult to find as difficult to actually buy. My parents see everything I order off Amazon, and people would ask questions if I bought them through Pritchard's.

[eternalwings.livejournal.com]

Sorry you're Dad acted like that, don't worry be cheered up that hitchikers adverts have FINALLY reached the televison. You can giggle at me and Cath fighting in the library *shes still not speaking to me- ???*
And I warn you ill be waxing lyrical about Shirley Manson shes my new idol.

[onceinafullmoon.livejournal.com]

sorry about your dad reaction - but cant be surprised ? it was expected - comming out is going to be hard - and if your dad doesnt accept it - thin k about relatives in Inid a! - but dont worry - things can only get better ! and i hope that ur parents realise that u r great whether gay or not !!

[ladyfalcon.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry your father reacted that way - for what it's worth, all it'll take is enough time for him to realize that since you've always been this way, you're still *you*, and he'll be fine and you can be friends again. It'll probably take a bit of uncomfortable time and talking, but it'll get there.

I'm glad you enjoyed your stay in the fair city that I've called home for so long - I'll definitely have to look into that bookshop! I believe it's the same as another of my friends (a beginning crossdresser) advised me to find, so I'm glad it comes highly recommended. The memorials can be rather blah, the best part is the museums (National History being the best because I worked there), and of course the Metro system is the one thing I look forward to most when I go home. I <3 public transportation. Is that weird?

[scarlatti.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry your father didn't take it well, and I hope he'll soon come to accept it. As others have said, you are still the same person you always were, and he should realize that eventually.

Darn, you were in DC and I didn't know it! I've got to start reading LJ more thoroughly. Glad you liked the Metro -- it's a pretty good system, and a lot less complicated than some, as you say.

I've been in Lambda Rising (used to hang around Dupont Circle a lot because I once worked near there), and it's a great bookstore. Sorry it was closed when you went back.

Yep, people around here tend to go to work very early, mainly because they want to avoid the rush hour traffic and/or crowds on the Metro. Another reason might be that it looks good to many bosses if you're at work for insanely long hours. Also, a lot of people commute from hugely long distances (because they can buy bigger and better houses the farther out from the city they go). I'm glad I walk to work now. :)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I hope so. It's not nice, waiting like this.

Insane is the word; people going to work at seven in the morning was something I couldn't get my head around. The Metro was wonderful and so was Dupont Circle. :) I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[just-the-ash.livejournal.com]

Pedar may well have been tired and stressed from the trip already, and then had, in the words of Dilbert (more precisely, Dogbert), his paradigm shifted without a clutch. I agree with those who have said that after processing it through a bit more, and watching you still be you, he will probably thaw out.

Frankly, your timing may have been a bit off, but I understand how Dupont Circle (god, I miss DC) could have brought about the desire to be understood and accepted as completely yourself.

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

First off, I am still awfully sad that I missed you in DC. I'll be in the area in just five weeks, and will be working right there in the city all summer. But such is life.

Second, it's very validating to hear an out-of-towner agree with me about the Metro. :) When I went up to NYC, our whole group was constantly rhapsodizing about the Metro, but we were all somewhat biased, having practically grown up on it! And I hear you on the way the world seems to have gotten a little bit smaller with LJ. I don't travel all that much, but whenever I do, I'm always aware of being in so-and-so's city, or so-and-so's state. It's amazingly comforting.

Where did you stay? I ask because I used to work right by Farragut North, so I know the area well. It's quite pretty, and you're right about Dupont. DC can be a really lovely city, but people don't always realize that.

The countdown at crosswalks, yes! I cannot tell you how much I miss that whenever I visit other cities.

I could go on for ages in this comment--oh God, I want to see the cherry blossoms again--because, needless to say--and Lambda! I've been there, too!--I am crazy with missing DC. This entry made me smile and sigh in about equal measure. In any case, the point is I'm glad you had a good trip, and thank you again so much for the package; it really did make a bad week much better. I'm sorry to hear that your coming out didn't go over as well as you'd hoped. For what it's worth, I admire you immensely for doing it, and I echo what people said above. Things will have to thaw out eventually.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

It all strengthens my resolve to drag you over here, or somehow get over to DC from Indiana in the summer. I'll state for the record that I loved the city to pieces, particularly the Metro system. Like so many, I have an unexplained love for underground public transport systems. I'm going to have to make you go on the Underground for purposes of comparison (admittedly, it's squalid and old and creaky, but I love it all the same).

I stayed at a hotel on Connecticut Avenue - the Mayflower. It was really very nice.

I see why you miss DC, don't worry. It's beautiful, and unlike any other American city I've ever seen. Thanks for the support on the coming-out; so many have told me to give it time, and I think that's my best option.

[walkertxkitty.livejournal.com]

Would it help to learn that most of us who were born in this country consider DC a foreign place? I've driven through it multiple times on my way to Philadelphia and it honestly baffles me. It's a fascinating combination of American culture and foreign influence (we've been lost on Embassy Row a few times, which is like being somewhere else entirely).

The second time we arrived in DC, it was evening and there were people everywehre even at that late hour. It seems to not have a lull time when most people are asleep. Many of the folk there go to work early to avoid traffic, which is awful. If you get in early you can leave early and beat the crowds around the beltway. Also, a lot of those people don't actually live in DC. They come to work from as far away as New York or Conneticut and so they leave at ungodly hours to get there.

Give your father time. You've dealt him a shock and he needs the time to assimilate it and understand that it doesn't change who you are as a person. In time he'll probably do the sensible parent thing and file it in the corners of his mind as something he doesn't need to think too much about.

Maybe come to Florida sometime? I can't promise the urban decadence of the Northern states but the next town over does have a really good women's book store and excellently stocked Borders and Barnes & Noble. If you're at all into things natural, my property is beautiful yet we're close enough to the city to get benefit from that too.

[tafkarfanfic.livejournal.com]

a. I posted more Daniel/Rodney to PegB.

b. I may be coming to London and Oxford this summer on a business trip.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

a. I love you.

b. Really? That's wonderful! I'll definitely be in London in August and in Oxford from October, and besides, a trip down south is easy to arrange. *bounce*

[amchau.livejournal.com]

*hugs*, my dear. I doubt it would really help, but I'm tempted to suggest that you give your father a link to this (http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/intro.html).

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, I've read that! It's brilliant.

[amchau.livejournal.com]

The internet is a very small world. I'm short on time now, but I have stuff to say to you about Padfoot and the Grim and folklore, and also there was something I've now forgotten about Abhorsens. Try and remind me to say them sometime.

[hathy-col.livejournal.com]

*huggles*

Firstly, don't worry. Honestly. Everyone's parents are strange for a while, but they do get back to normal. It's unfair that you have to tell parents that you have any kind of sexuality, frankly, because no one wants to even mention that to parents. And yes, it's weird for a bit (if it helps, my father was the same and my Mum was too nice for a week. Then it all settled down) but it does improve, I swear it.

And D.C is so beautiful, and yes, the Metro system ending up saving our lives on too many occasions. I love the little countdown on the traffic lights! By the way, did you go to Chinatown? I want to know if we wandered down the same parts. Chinatown is commonly referred to as Da Ghetto, or at least it was if you were me.

Please send thr code for new_who to me as you will OWNZ MY SOUL.

And I have a new piercing! La navel. That is all.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I hope it improves, as I'm not enjoying this at all. When did you tell your parents, by the way? It was long before Clare, right?

DC is absolutely lovely. I did go to Chinatown once or twice, yes, but mostly hung out round near Metro Center.

Code has been sent; if it doesn't work just let me know.

And, yes, navel piercing! Hannah was telling me all about it. You pleb, you. :) Seriously, better navel than nipples! Ouch.

[hathy-col.livejournal.com]

When did I tell my parents? You know what, I am can remember where it was, what I was wearing and what was on the TV (Hey Baby by No Doubt. Never again will I listen to that song without quivers of FEAR) but I can't quite remember when. I suspect it was when I was 15, and it was looooong before Clare. I've actually never told Dad - I just blurted it out to Mum and she said "Okay then." Then we had a long and somewhat dull to outsiders conversation. God, I'm getting butterflies again just thinking about it. It was scary and horrible and in some ways it's a big relief but it's as scary as fuck.

Chinatown in Teh Scary, but as an aside, did you go near Wok n' Roll? Cheesy name, good food.

My pleb piercing is totally your girlfriend's fault. And yes, better than nipples and miles better than both.

[biascut.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on telling your father. I know exactly what you mean about the weird atmosphere, and so would about a dozen of my friends, but isn't it also kind of nice that it's just done? I hope it is just a matter of time.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

I do, too. I just hope it is something he can get over, so to speak.

[pinkishmew.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel better, the furthest I've been is Ireland.

And you've missed precisely nothing from my journal. I have a life filled with coursework.

(Patters here) shoot me if you like but...

[(Anonymous)]

I know this is probably wrong and mean and possibly downright cruel, but...

Does you not find the whole situation more then a trifle amusing?
The image of you and your pedar sitting watching the telly together, both studiously trying to appear relaxed and chatting politley about things, while both your minds are racing ahead through the conversation, trying to avoid any pitfalls, is (in a very black and twisted way) quite funny.

Of course, neither of you will be seeing that, you love each other too much for it not matter hugley and if you want to kill me I'll be here all week. Your parents are extremly cool about things akin to this so I know its all going to come right and I'm going to stop now before it gets all schmaltzy.

[minkboylove.livejournal.com]

Fucking hell - so somewhere is still stocking that bloody book?

I hope your Dad comes round soon. Once you get talking, you should be fine, I'm sure. *hugs*