Subtitled fruit

[raven]

Although I have normal hearing, it's a given definition of "normal" - that is, it's pretty low down on the normal range. We think this is hereditary as my mother has it too but worse. Consequently I have the habit of watching most television programmes and DVDs with subtitles. I've been doing this for so many years I've become a connoisseur of them, so to speak. There are good subtitles and there are bad subtitles. Bad subtitles are the ones that have stupid spelling mistakes - "your" versus "you're", argh - and miss out or paraphrase too many words. Occasionally you get the slightly surreal experience of watching a programme equipped with the subtitles of the wrong episode - this happened when I was watching Threads, and contributed to my general crankiness regarding that episode. There's a nice, silent fishing scene going on with the subtitles for a Jaffa rebellion. Bizarre.

Then there are good subtitles, ones that capture the words accurately and at the right time, make it perfectly clear who said what, whether they were on or off screen, and whether they sang it or not. And then there are the sci-fi nuances. Generally, each person has a different colour of text, with a black background. But computers have a red or blue background to their text, as do the computers in Star Trek (and Data in TNG, which struck me a nice touch) and also ascended!Daniel, which is weird. The Ashrak assassin in In The Line of Duty got some quite brilliant subititles - pink on a yellow background. I was impressed.

The Goa'uld get either different colours or the prefix [GOA'ULD VOICE] which I always find extremely amusing. And the reason for all this preamble is I noticed today while watching Family that the subtitles have got even more creative. That wonderful noise of someone stepping into a wormhole? It's rendered as [GLUG]. And, brilliantly, when a sequence of people go through, it's: [GLUG! GLUG! GLUG!]

Okay, so stupid things amuse me. But the best caption I ever saw on a television show was also Stargate. Specifically, it was the season three episode Legacy, which gave us the following delight:

[SOUND OF GATE CHEVRONS ENGAGING FROM INSIDE CLOSET]

I'll stop talking about that now. I'm going to talk about today instead, and now I feel moved to quote quackaquacka quoting me, if that makes sense:

"It's half term, I have too much to do, Pegasus B is eating my brain, and..."

"And we're going to buy fruit."

I blinked, nodded, then cracked up. Precisely. When life is hard, buy fruit.

No, there is method in my madness. It was, as I suspected, my turn on food for Biology today. Rice-Oxley (and everyone else) doesn't like the idea of lessons seven and eight on a Friday, so we take turns in providing refreshments. Only this week everyone's on Lent, barring a few, myself included. So there could be no chocolate or popcorn or Haribo; instead, there was fruit. And surely there's something wrong with the universe when said fruit costs more than the chocolate would have done.

Anyway, Miranda and I went to Sainsbury's at lunch and bought two bunches of grapes, some apples and oranges. They gave us another bag free, and I also bought an(other) Innocent smoothie. I blame Hannah. This one was cranberries and raspberries. And following that, we went back to the library where I realised we had too many oranges.

On my way there I met Patrick, explained about the fruit with some difficulty, and he was helpful and agreed to meet me next week. It occurred to me I'm going out with my ex on Valentine's Day. Sigh.

It's strange what will happen if you say to the room in general, "Anyone want an orange?"

Yeah, in a minute and a half they were all gone. "If you get orange peel on the floor there will be bloodshed," I said, and started internally beating myself up for sounding quite so maternal. Still, at least they're all well-fed and Vitamin-C-ed up for the day. I put the fruit in the library office and went to Politics.

Where I spent an hour tapping a pencil and scrutinising my smoothie bottle for lack of anything more interesting to do. And I made the sort of discovery you only make when bored to the depths of your soul and expending the entire force of your intellect in staring at a plastic bottle. I hereby charge you all with a mission - go and look at the base of an Innocent smoothie bottle. It says (and I couldn't make this up): "Stop looking at my bottom."

Turned out fruit wasn't the best idea ever today. Rice-Oxley is keen on making us look at simple reflexes this week, and accordingly spent some time last night collecting woodlice and earthworms from her compost heap. Sarah and I did all right with the woodlice, picking them up with paintbrushes and making them choose between wet and dry environments. And shouting at them, natch. When we were in Upper Four, we did the same thing, and named the woodlouse Buzz Lightyear. It's amazing the things I choose to remember.

Then came the earthworms. I gibbered a bit when Rice-Oxley grabbed one out of the box, and she asked, "Are you scared of snakes?"

I'm not scared of snakes. I'm full-blown phobic gibbering wreck terrified of them. Which is the only reason sorting_elite didn't put me in Slytherin, I seem to remember. Anyway, I wished she hadn't said that, because my brain made the association and it wouldn't dislodge it. Every time I saw the earthworm wriggle across the paper, I freaked a bit more. When it came to brushing my finger along it to feel the bristles (chaetae) and induce the simple reflex, I managed to do it, then totally lost it.

Rice-Oxley was very nice about it. "This is a simple reflex" - she tapped the earthworm on the nose, causing its entire body to contract - "and you're exhibiting a complex response. You have some sort of evolutionary fear of snakes, but your intelligence and experience are the reason you're not..."

"On the other side of the quad," I finished, and gibbered some more.

I gave my apple core to the worm. It seemed to appreciate it.

Lastly, on my way home I went to College Road library to avoid getting soaked, and picked up a book while I was there. I've heard good things about it - Ender's Game. Anyone read it? And my other book for half term is Lirael by Garth Nix. After all my quibbling it's finally come back in to the library.

I've got to go to work tomorrow. No fic-writing for tonight, methinks; it's time for bed and I feel like I haven't slept in a week.

Comments

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

My hearing's fine, but I've been known to flip on the subtitles occasionally, depending on how loud I want the volume at any given time, or just out of curiosity. You're right -- they really run the gamut between quite good, adequate, strangely truncated and utterly hopeless. (Captioning on live musical performances has had me in hysterics more than once. Someone, give these poor people a lyrics sheet. They're working hard here and slurred vocals really don't help.)

I compared the captions to the subtitles on the Princess Bride DVD once and was really surprised at what happened with the wedding scene. The subtitles spelled everything correctly, which COMPLETELY defeats the point. The captions, on the other hand, began with "Mawwaige....," and ran as pronounced from there on out. Much, much more helpful.

And the sound effects descriptions always get me, too. ;) [glug!]

[casirafics.livejournal.com]

(and I suppose if you want to understand what it MEANS, the subtitles were doing their job, but still. :)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*g* Lyrics kill me. Sometimes you can't help but laugh.

I've never seen the Princess Bride, can you believe? *shakes head* I plan to put that right.

[eternalwings.livejournal.com]

You misssed out Cath being bombarded by oranges- that was funny.
Hasn't that happened in some tv show?
*gets back to slash writing* I have a 12 chapter story to write, each chapter 2 pages. Gah

[cat4ian.livejournal.com]

oh thanx. 4 once i was bein quiet an readin an i get attacked with oranges. wat did i do to deserve that? an i do not no wat tv show but if it has fearne cotton in i gonna kill myself.

[amchau.livejournal.com]

Do you have half-term this next week, or the week after, or when? I'm on holiday until the Monday after next, and I'm also thinking it's about time you rang me rather than the other way around. So, when are you going to call me?

[amchau.livejournal.com]

Gosh, aren't I the demanding one today? Add a couple of 'pleases' and some tact to the foregoing, if you'd be so kind. ;)

[gamesiplay.livejournal.com]

I read Ender's Game and its assorted sequels and paraquels for the first time years and years ago; they were great then and I still think they're great now. I don't know if they're the sort of books you like, but I'd say they're worth a try.

For no real reason, I tend to watch my TV with subtitles, too, although sometimes I go through periods when they distract me too much to keep on. (Also, they drive me crazy when they actually anticipate the dialogue, thus sort of nullifying any element of surprise.) Kib does, too. My dad throws fits on a weekly basis about it, because he hates them and we always leave them on.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

There are sequels and prequels? Tell me more...

I'm not sure about the book, to be honest. I picked it up in the library to kill five minutes, but it really grabbed my attention so I took it out. And I've been reading it on and off since Friday entirely compelled, despite the fact I know this isn't the sort of thing I like at all. I'm a hundred pages from the end and really want to know what happens. :)

Subtitles bug me on occasion, too, but they're so damn useful that I leave them on. Pedar always moans and groans, but I catch him switching them on when I'm not looking. Out of interest, how do they work across the pond? How do you switch them on?

[likethesun2.livejournal.com]

Ender's Game is sort of the prequel to a later trilogy, composed of Speaker for the Dead, Xenocide, and Children of the Mind, which follows Ender (and other people) as an adult. After that, Card wrote a series of parallel novels following Bean-- have you gotten to him yet? Anyway, if I remember right, those are Ender's Shadow, Shadow of the Hegemon, and Shadow Puppets. I never read the last, because I started losing interest in the paraquels after a while. Ender's Game is by far the most famous, but I actually prefer the two books directly after it, Speaker and Xenocide. (CotM I thought was faintly silly.)

There's usually a button on remote controls here that you use to switch the captions on or off. Of course, recently our remote control has been--literally--falling apart, so if Kib turns on the captions, you often have to sit there squeezing the remote together and holding it at various angles to try to turn them back off. :D

[likethesun2.livejournal.com]

Er. Wrong journal, but luckily I don't have to worry about outing myself to you fannishly. *grins*