raven | "I should have said I'd not come back here."

hownovel learnt being me.

I was worried she might not click with all of you, especially as so many of you are friends-locked and so your utter coolness is hidden from the world, but everything appears to have gone well. She called me "sweet and adorable." I am both extremely touched and entirely mystified. Have also discovered she is exactly five days older than me. Strange.

This week we have the AS resits, although the A2s have started, and because there is no formal study leave for the sixth form (but there is for the Upper Five who are only doing mocks) the atmosphere is somewhat tense. Because of the people doing resits, I find myself listening to all sorts of things I'd forgotten I'd ever learnt (and will have to relearn for the synoptics). And the library is being invaded by people, which worries me. My own exam preparation is a royal shambles, as I literally know nothing after a Christmas holiday spent being ill and lazy. My Biology mock wasn't as bad as the other, but they're still bad. In a spontaneous burst of eloquence today, I likened A2 Chemistry as a "wilderness I am helplessly stumbling through", but the imagery doesn't mask the severity of the situation. I will be extremely upset if I don't get an A in this module. I understand it's harder than last year, but I'm supposed to be older and have more experience with it. It doesn't make sense. What can I do but revise, now?

In all of this, I didn't notice certain things; like, the days are getting longer. I only realised this evening when walking home and noticing I could see colours rather than dim sodium-yellow, and the sky was faded blue rather than black. Everything is fresh all of a sudden - the wind is strong enough to have blown down several tree brances and half the fence overnight - and I seem to be waking up at a time when everything else is sending me to sleep.

In the afternoon, I walked out of English claiming I was writing my coursework commentary, when I actually went to the computer room to distract Miranda. My text transformation appears to have impressed Mrs Myring - "literate, pleasing, well-structured" - which is of the good, as writing original fiction is hard for me. The commentary is something I will not think about until after exams are over.

We went down to the library afterwards, where it was quiet again. Exams had restarted. When I was in Politics, Mr Evans was in mid-flow, clarifying something he'd written in his notes. "Seem to have got a bit verbose there. Probably because I was listening to one of your conversations in the library."

He said it so innocuously it took a minute to sink in. Still, I was amused.

I'm bored. Going to watch Angel (I've Got You Under Your Skin), and following Miranda's advice, not watch it alone or in the dark.