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ravenRain, rain, and more rain. I'm not wet, as I've been inside all day, but it's raining again, and this time with such ferocity it's running down the slope of the garden and collecting in a huge puddle at the bottom. Not nice.
The day has been okay, I guess. I've been reading To Kill a Mockingbird, and also reading through my notes. It's not something I feel is very very important but the exam is soon, so I figure why the hell not. At least it looks like I'm doing something.
Had another fight with my mother this morning. Guess I can forget doing Physics A-level. It also looks like I'm being a doctor, again. I begin to wonder if I really am making a fuss over nothing, as I won't die, won't be struck down by a thunderbolt, won't be harmed in any way. So I don't get to do what I want. At least there will be some peace and quiet, and that's what I want. We resolved the fight this morning, because I agreed with her, so there's been peace and quiet, and if I become a doctor that's what I'll get on a bigger scale. My mother really, really wants this to happen - so why the hell not. I know she'd like for me to make money and marry well and maybe that'll make me happy too.
I think that all I ever wanted was to be good, to do what was right, but I can be so self-centred when I want to be - I keep a public online journal which I update every day, QED - and maybe that's what this has been all about.
I don't want to think about it so much. I've just been looking at my livejournal calendar and noticed I haven't been updating as much - I have a feeling that trend might continue, as I don't want to put myself in a situation in which I may be forced to think about it.
The day has been okay, I guess. I've been reading To Kill a Mockingbird, and also reading through my notes. It's not something I feel is very very important but the exam is soon, so I figure why the hell not. At least it looks like I'm doing something.
Had another fight with my mother this morning. Guess I can forget doing Physics A-level. It also looks like I'm being a doctor, again. I begin to wonder if I really am making a fuss over nothing, as I won't die, won't be struck down by a thunderbolt, won't be harmed in any way. So I don't get to do what I want. At least there will be some peace and quiet, and that's what I want. We resolved the fight this morning, because I agreed with her, so there's been peace and quiet, and if I become a doctor that's what I'll get on a bigger scale. My mother really, really wants this to happen - so why the hell not. I know she'd like for me to make money and marry well and maybe that'll make me happy too.
I think that all I ever wanted was to be good, to do what was right, but I can be so self-centred when I want to be - I keep a public online journal which I update every day, QED - and maybe that's what this has been all about.
I don't want to think about it so much. I've just been looking at my livejournal calendar and noticed I haven't been updating as much - I have a feeling that trend might continue, as I don't want to put myself in a situation in which I may be forced to think about it.
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no subject
on 2003-05-17 09:29 am (UTC)You're not making a big fuss over nothing. It's good to be good, yes, but being respectful to your parents shouldn't mean giving up what you want. IMHO that holds even more true when you're not living in India anymore. Some social conventions need to be kept within those national boundaries.
This is your life, while your parents are here, and after they're gone. Trust me when I say that putting up a fight now will be worth it down the road when you're in middle age and your parents are gone and you're not stuck in a career you hate and you have no regrets.
no subject
on 2003-05-17 12:22 pm (UTC)Honest. *huggles*