Clairvoyance

Meg just said, "You know Iona, she thinks of a posh way to say everything." Thanks, Meg(!)
So... I had something to say, but sadly I have no idea what it was. All I know was it was important. Very important.
Dammit! What was it? I was thinking about it last night, it was very important...
I think I'll go downstairs to the library in a minute.
What was it I wanted to say? It was something I thought about, something I dreamt about, and I don't know what.

Ooh, have a a M*A*S*H question. Is Radar actually clairvoyant?

Come to think of it, maybe that was it. Maybe.
I wish I'd brought Kajol with me. I could have got the bloody thing done and finished.
And yres - they were doing those Oasis aptitude tests this morning. I liked it - I wouldn't say no to any outside help at all in deciding what I want to do.

Meg just blew in my ear through a roll of paper. Thanks, Meg.

Cheesecake

There is nothing to say.
Not at all. Though I suddenly feel the need to secure my livejournal.
Was bored in English and began doing random drawing of stick man skiing down side of cheesecake.
It's not often I type the word "cheesecake."
Nevermind.

I did not cut and paste this! I typed it! So read it!

Apparently, some strange people with time on their hands have been researching what is the world's funniest joke. The answer they came up with:

Two gamekeepers are walking through the woods. Suddenly, a bear jumps out from nowhere and mauls one of them, drags him around by the hair, bangs his head about and then leaves him for dead, while his friend watches in horror. Once the bear goes, he runs down to his friend's side, whips out his mobile, and dials for help. The emergency services woman is very helpful. "First of all," she says, "make sure he's dead."
There's a sound of a gunshot, and then the guy comes back on the line. "Okay, now what?"

Is it just me, or is that joke not funny? I did laugh out loud at the runner-up, however, which goes as follows:

A dog goes to the post office and asks to send a telegram. He takes a sheet, and carefully writes, "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The woman who takes it from him notices there are only nine words. "You could send another "woof" for the same price," she says.
"Oh, I couldn't do that," says the dog. "That would make absolutely no sense at all."

I laughed at that. But then I carried on reading the article (it was in Time) which reaches the unavoidable conclusion that this is not the funniest joke in the world, it is the funniest clean joke in the world. The guy running the project had this to say for himself: "Well, I wouldn't have minded, but we were going to put the results on the university website, so..."

And that's that. However, in my humble opinion, the funniest joke in the world is one of the jokes that used to come at the end of the Vicar of Dibley. And here... *drum roll*... it is:

Superman is flying over New York one day when whaddaya know, he sees Wonderwoman sunbathing naked on a flat roof. So, being in that kind of a mood, he flies down, does the business, and then flies off again.
Once he's gone, Wonderwoman says, "What the hell was that?"
The Invisible Man climbs off her, and says thoughtfully, "I don't know, but it fucking well hurt!"

So sue me, I am easily amused. I loved this joke. Actually, I loved all the Vicar of Dibley jokes. What Alice says after this one is even funnier than the joke itself, but I'll ruin it if I don't quote verbatim, so I'm not even going to try.

"I'm so happy..."

Huh.

I want to call Becca, but I can't 'cause Thomas is online.

She's still ill, apparently, and I need someone to talk to.

Dammit.

Leaving

My mother is leaving. She has been frantically ringing round and looking online all evening for tickets, and she's got one. The flight leaves tomorrow morning at six am from Manchester, so she will actually have to leave at about three thirty in the morning.
She doesn't know when she's coming back.
She's in a panic now.
So am I. I want to go with her at least as fas as the airport. She won't like it but she can't stop me.
She says she'll be gone at least a month, maybe more....

A month

This is just so fucking awful. Didu has stomach cancer and secondary tumours spreading to her brain. My mother will be there by tomorrow night.
We have to get up at three - that's in what? Five hours' time?
And in the meantime mum is just throwing stuff into a suitcase - there's no time - she doesn't even want to go to bed, and I wish I could go with her to make sure she's okay. She never manages very well in airports. She thought about taking me with her, but over there, I'd be a liability. She knows that.
She's going to be gone a month.
That's it. I've got to help her pack.

(And a brief note to snowdrop24 and osiris13 - if you're going to bitch about each other and to each other, that's fine with me. Just try not to clog up my inbox).

I need to go and write down as many useful email addresses as possible for my mother.