(no subject)

I have finally realised what my problem is. It's awareness. I'm too aware of everything, because I analyse everything to death, hypothesising and extrapolating and I always have to think about tomorrow, what's going to happen tomorrow... I can never react spontaneously either - I have to think about everything I do and say.
I can't lighten up, like people sometimes tell me to. That's not in my nature, and that's why I get depressed - because I can see everything that's going to happen, and I don't like it - I'm depressed because there's no way out of it.
I'm so aware of myself and what's going to happen to me, I have to hold everyone at arm's length - and that might be why I'm afraid of hugging! I can't hang by a moment - that's all I ever want to do, but I can't. And my eccentricities come from the whirling thoughts inside my head - I think so deeply and so much that I can't concentrate on here and now. That's why I hold a kettle the wrong way, that's why I sometimes take a hugely complicated route when a simple one would suffice, it even explains why I use long words when short ones will do.
I can't stop myself from doing all these things any more than I can stop myself from breathing.

(no subject)

Seeing as all of my journal entries have been ruthlessly self-indulgent so far, this one will be no exception. I have spent a pleasant twenty minutes making lists, which is my favourite way to waste time.
So, these are my top five lists of, well, everything, starting with:
Books

• Prozac Nation, by Elizabeth Wurtzel
  
• The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
  
• The Prisoner of Zenda, by Anthony Hope
  
• Round Ireland with a Fridge, by Tony Hawks
  
• The Robots of Dawn, by Isaac Asimov
  
  And then,
  Songs - which change on a daily basis, but at the moment they are:
  
• Silverchair - Suicidal Dreams
  
• Jack off Jill - Angels Fuck, Devils Kiss
  
• Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold
  
• Meredith Brooks - Bitch
  
• Staind - Outside
  
  Going on,
  Television programmes - and these aren't my favourites, these are the only ones I watch:
  
• Frasier
  
• Friends
  
• Stargate SG-1
  
• Will and Grace
  
• Star Trek: Voyager
  
  Then, my favourite
  Words
  
• angst, as ever
  
• pretentious
  
• extemporaneous
  
• surreal
  
• defenestration - this word completely rocks. Just say it: "Defenestration..." See?
  
  Websites
  I only go on three websites:
  
• Heliopolis
  
• Hotmail
  
• Livejournal
  
  Colours
  
• red
  
• silver
  
• white
  And as everyone knows, if it's clear, I'm going to like it...
  
  And lastly,
  Foods
  
• Cinnamon mints- down to my last box, God bless America....
  
• Mocha - not a food but it should be...
  
• Fruit 'n' Nut chocolate - the one substance I wouldn't mind drowning in...
  
• Prawns
  
• Strawberries! There's a conspiracy - the world is against me having strawberries...
  
  
  That's all. Good night!