A Tale of Two Halves
Feb. 25th, 2003 11:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravenYesterday, I went into Liverpool with Becca. She wanted to buy trousers ("Let's go to the big-people shop!") and I wanted to buy beads. She was marginally more successful than me. I mean, she bought trousers, that were cute, that fitted, that she could afford... and I... didn't.
It's not to say I didn't buy beads. I did. I got two 7g bags of seed beads and some slightly bigger ones, along with the letter beads. The problems started when we got back - we left at two fifteen for lack of things to do, and it took forever to get back because of the lack of trains. But yes, the beads. The seed beeds look gorgeous but are a holy nightmare to put on thread. And of course, the thread turns out to be non-elastic. I was pissed off. We managed to make two bracelets, one of which later broke, so there are now beads everywhere.
And to make things worse... Becca was trying to spell out the letter beads - it was fairly impossible to guess what they were supposed to say, so I told her. "Blame Hawkeye" - to make![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cucharita and purplerainbow giggle, of course.
But, as always happens - I'm missing a bloody bead!
Therefore, Becca has written on the whiteboard: "Buy 'H' and get brain."
Last night was spent eating pizza (avec ma mere) and watching Cruel Intentions. We started watching it fairly early, and my mother had to walk in at the moment where the two girls kiss. She went out again, and walked back in at the moment where the two guys are in bed together. I should mention my mother doesn't know about any of my slight... tendencies... so this was a little bit of a revelation.
Becca made me watch Shooting Stars. I didn't "get it." She then proceeded to inform me I have an American sense of humour. I complained that that can't be right, the Americans have no sense of irony. I explained that with how you can't smoke in the Statue of Liberty, and then she said, "You hate everyone."
Maybe I do.
And that is that. Except - Becca and I did try our hands at fairy-tale writing, for some reason that is yet to be explained. I leave the gentle reader to guess what was whose contribution:
A Tale of Two Halves
Half One
Once upon a time, in a kingdom round the corner, there lived a pale princess with big feet and glasses. She had had a curse placed upon her at birth, not girth. The curse was placed upon her by a chiropractor, with shoes, not issues. Being a chiropracter, he had a lot of shoes in a closet with his feelings..............for men. One day he would come out of the closet, but that is a tale of more than halves. He had feelings for his long multiplication teacher who was straight, but had a hat and not a cat. the hat sat on the mat, rather oddly, as hats cannot sit, or stand, so maybe it would make more sense if he had a cat, but this is not a cat friendly book (dogs............).
The princess, who during the long multiplication lessons sat on a cat, sewing and being quite unaware of the tormented feelings that had led her chiropractor to place a curse upon her, much like in days of yore. She believed the world was flat, and men who kissed other men were a figment (not a pigment) of other men's perverted imaginations and girth. Girth was very important to the princess who was much like an enzyme, and very picky.
This led to strife in the kingdom as it was currently World Girth Appreciation Day and people felt (full) the sooner (the better) the princess left the less girth related suicides there would be among the alternative community. She used the people, used the people, yes the people, abused the people, abused the people, not the people, for the people, by the people, against the people, one nation under God (with girth issues) united under the flag for which we stand.
In a normal tale, the people (yes the people) would now live happily ever after, but this is not a normal tale, and there is another half to write.
Half Two
Twice upon a time, the princess was still cursed, the chiropracter, with his unexplained magical powers and his large collection of shoes, is still in the closet (which is very roomy with air conditioning, do not worry) together with his shoes and his secret rainbow g*y pride badges and his autographed picture of Elton John.
The long multiplication teacher is still unhappily married (yes he was married in the first half, we just couldn't possibly find a slot to explain the personal life of the long multiplication teacher, as we felt the chiropracter's collection of shoes and feelings for men were much more, in fact significantly more important issues to deal with) to Gillian Anderson. Whilst mowing his lawn, the long multiplication teacher suddenly heard a bang (not the Big Bang, he is not that old). The bang was his exploding heterosexuality, along with Gillian's, all on the lawn. The long multiplicatiobn teacher, whose name was actually Bernie, was immediately propositioned by a salivating chiropractor, and the explosion of Bernie's heterosexuality was soon forgetten, in fact immediately transformed into homosexuality, meaning he was gay and they could live in a pink palace (on loan from the princess, who left the people, yes the people some time ago) forever and ever, world without end.
The wedding was beautiful, and Elton John could not be happier to give Bernie away to the chiropractor, whose name was Mr.Chiro Practor. Bernie lovingly stated, "I take thee Chiro," (not the place) and that was that.
The princess was still cursed, but the curse was only to have big feet, with a big girth so she was happy.
Gillian Anderson also left the people, and began an acting career, after someone told her (Bernie actually) that 'The Booth Is Out There', which she misinterpreted and then some guy called Chris Carter agreed passionately, and then they lives happily for 30 years or so, when the plague suddenly took over, so why write this tale?
The point of this tale was to warn people to AVOID ANYONE WITH THE PLAGUE!
I can only apologise.
It's not to say I didn't buy beads. I did. I got two 7g bags of seed beads and some slightly bigger ones, along with the letter beads. The problems started when we got back - we left at two fifteen for lack of things to do, and it took forever to get back because of the lack of trains. But yes, the beads. The seed beeds look gorgeous but are a holy nightmare to put on thread. And of course, the thread turns out to be non-elastic. I was pissed off. We managed to make two bracelets, one of which later broke, so there are now beads everywhere.
And to make things worse... Becca was trying to spell out the letter beads - it was fairly impossible to guess what they were supposed to say, so I told her. "Blame Hawkeye" - to make
cucharita and purplerainbow giggle, of course. But, as always happens - I'm missing a bloody bead!
Therefore, Becca has written on the whiteboard: "Buy 'H' and get brain."
Last night was spent eating pizza (avec ma mere) and watching Cruel Intentions. We started watching it fairly early, and my mother had to walk in at the moment where the two girls kiss. She went out again, and walked back in at the moment where the two guys are in bed together. I should mention my mother doesn't know about any of my slight... tendencies... so this was a little bit of a revelation.
Becca made me watch Shooting Stars. I didn't "get it." She then proceeded to inform me I have an American sense of humour. I complained that that can't be right, the Americans have no sense of irony. I explained that with how you can't smoke in the Statue of Liberty, and then she said, "You hate everyone."
Maybe I do.
And that is that. Except - Becca and I did try our hands at fairy-tale writing, for some reason that is yet to be explained. I leave the gentle reader to guess what was whose contribution:
A Tale of Two Halves
Half One
Once upon a time, in a kingdom round the corner, there lived a pale princess with big feet and glasses. She had had a curse placed upon her at birth, not girth. The curse was placed upon her by a chiropractor, with shoes, not issues. Being a chiropracter, he had a lot of shoes in a closet with his feelings..............for men. One day he would come out of the closet, but that is a tale of more than halves. He had feelings for his long multiplication teacher who was straight, but had a hat and not a cat. the hat sat on the mat, rather oddly, as hats cannot sit, or stand, so maybe it would make more sense if he had a cat, but this is not a cat friendly book (dogs............).
The princess, who during the long multiplication lessons sat on a cat, sewing and being quite unaware of the tormented feelings that had led her chiropractor to place a curse upon her, much like in days of yore. She believed the world was flat, and men who kissed other men were a figment (not a pigment) of other men's perverted imaginations and girth. Girth was very important to the princess who was much like an enzyme, and very picky.
This led to strife in the kingdom as it was currently World Girth Appreciation Day and people felt (full) the sooner (the better) the princess left the less girth related suicides there would be among the alternative community. She used the people, used the people, yes the people, abused the people, abused the people, not the people, for the people, by the people, against the people, one nation under God (with girth issues) united under the flag for which we stand.
In a normal tale, the people (yes the people) would now live happily ever after, but this is not a normal tale, and there is another half to write.
Half Two
Twice upon a time, the princess was still cursed, the chiropracter, with his unexplained magical powers and his large collection of shoes, is still in the closet (which is very roomy with air conditioning, do not worry) together with his shoes and his secret rainbow g*y pride badges and his autographed picture of Elton John.
The long multiplication teacher is still unhappily married (yes he was married in the first half, we just couldn't possibly find a slot to explain the personal life of the long multiplication teacher, as we felt the chiropracter's collection of shoes and feelings for men were much more, in fact significantly more important issues to deal with) to Gillian Anderson. Whilst mowing his lawn, the long multiplication teacher suddenly heard a bang (not the Big Bang, he is not that old). The bang was his exploding heterosexuality, along with Gillian's, all on the lawn. The long multiplicatiobn teacher, whose name was actually Bernie, was immediately propositioned by a salivating chiropractor, and the explosion of Bernie's heterosexuality was soon forgetten, in fact immediately transformed into homosexuality, meaning he was gay and they could live in a pink palace (on loan from the princess, who left the people, yes the people some time ago) forever and ever, world without end.
The wedding was beautiful, and Elton John could not be happier to give Bernie away to the chiropractor, whose name was Mr.Chiro Practor. Bernie lovingly stated, "I take thee Chiro," (not the place) and that was that.
The princess was still cursed, but the curse was only to have big feet, with a big girth so she was happy.
Gillian Anderson also left the people, and began an acting career, after someone told her (Bernie actually) that 'The Booth Is Out There', which she misinterpreted and then some guy called Chris Carter agreed passionately, and then they lives happily for 30 years or so, when the plague suddenly took over, so why write this tale?
The point of this tale was to warn people to AVOID ANYONE WITH THE PLAGUE!
I can only apologise.
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no subject
on 2003-02-25 06:48 am (UTC)I like working with beads, but I always seem to spill them everywhere....either that or a cat will come by and decide to disrupt the proceedings by batting them off the table and onto the floor. If you've ever tried to round up beads while having a cat play hockey with them, you know the type of frustration of which I speak.
I've never seen either of those two movies; maybe I should seek them out. I liked things like "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" and "To Wong Foo With Love". There's another that I'm missing, but I sure can't remember the title right now, only that it was sad. It was about four gay men and their lives together as they share a house in the country.
Your friend is mistaken; YOU have a sense of humor. Americans in general have none.
Re:
on 2003-02-25 09:19 am (UTC)Sorry about the brain-hurting - that's all Becca's fault! And thanks, I'm glad you think I have a sense of humour. I'd hate to think I didn't!
Apologizing in advance for the following incoherence:
on 2003-02-25 09:13 am (UTC)Yes, sorry, I had a late night. Back on track...
*heh* "Blame Hawkeye" is good. I've never made a MASH-related necklace, but I made a Harry Potter one on comission once, and a few MST3K ones a while back.
I *still* haven't seen Cruel Intentions. I must make a note to see it now. My mom has walked in on me and my friends watching Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss (an absolutely delicious romantic comedy) when one guy was introducing another as his new husband.. ^^;; Death stands outside my bedroom door and laughs. STOP LAUGHING!
...I object to that statement about Americans. I have a sense of humor, albeit a sophomoric, rather dumb one at time, *and* a sense of irony... I think... maybe it's just sarcasm turned sideways? Hm. Well, America is like a high school-- you have the smart people, the well-dressed people, the individual people, and then the other 95% of the people. Oh, maybe my sense of irony is just cynicism that thinks it's smart! XD
I really liked that fairy tale. Might just be because I'm very, very sleep-deprived and just suffered through Participation in Government, so anything soul-reviving is like the Holy Grail right now, but... I'm gonna read it again! Whee!
Re: Apologizing in advance for the following incoherence:
on 2003-02-25 09:27 am (UTC)I love bracelet making -
Cruel Intentions rocks. You'll love it. Just don't do what I did and leave the door open.
I'm sorry if I offended you with what I said about Americans, it wasn't meant that way, honest. It's just a general statement about the country as a whole, which I suppose wasn't a wise thing to do, but yeah. I have spent quite a while in America at various points, and I always find people my age have a very different world view to me. I'm not making sense? Ignore me.
And finally.... the fairy tale. Mostly Becca's lunacy, so I'll tell her you liked it. And I hope you slept well!
Re: Apologizing in advance for the following incoherence:
on 2003-02-25 10:36 am (UTC)If you had likened us all to Ferret Face, I would have been offended. If you called my mom Hot Lips, I might be offended. If you told me I was as short as Radar... well, he's taller than me, so nevermind that. But accusing us of having no sense of humor? *throws down the rubber glove* That is simply inexcusable! ...no, surely I jest. I make general statements-- not usually about countries so much as social groups-- but hey, with our political mugwumps and general mock-ability? Go ahead and say anything you like about America. (Just invite me to Europe sometime soon. o.o;; )
And I plan on sleeping well-- I have physics next class. XD