(no subject)

[raven]

So over the weekend I accidentally came out to my mother. I say, "accidentally" - it was more like when faced with a direct question about that, I just can't find it within myself to lie. I made out like I was surprised she didn't know, but honestly I'm not: she's not very observant, and doesn't like me (the real me, I guess) much.

Anyway I tweeted about it because I was so struck and felt so changed, and I think a bunch of people thought she was the first person I'd come out to, but actually she was the last.

So I'm out. Actually out, to the whole world. No one to hide from. And even being in a little bit of a closet was oppressive, and I didn't know that! It's a cliche but I feel freed. I want to mark it, somehow. I could hold a coming out party. K says I should get a tattoo, not with any deep significance but just as something to mark a queer body. I like that idea. I welcome suggestions for other ideas! But what a time, to be entirely out at age 36. I want to cry at the queerphobic society that means 36, not 16, but this is where we live and I'll take this.

Comments

[wychwood]

I was thinking about your tweet on this, and then read mrissa's review of Sabrina Imbler, How Far the Light Reaches: A Life in Ten Sea Creatures and it seemed like something you might have an interest in at this time??

What kind of tattoo do you think would be right for this occasion?

[rmc28]

Skating party. With rainbow laces etc.

[lovelythings]

<3 <3 <3 I see and cherish the real you!

Maybe a small squiggly line? Or an abstract flag? What queer symbols speak to you most?

I miss being on Twitter mostly because I feel like I never see anything from you and A and K anymore.

[princessofgeeks]

Congratulations! Family can be soooooo hard.

[dolorosa_12]

It's really wonderful to read how freeing you describe this as being. I'm really happy for you!

[philomytha]

<333

I think if you want a party, or a tattoo, or both, you should have that!

[goss]

<333333333

*hugs and cake and confetti*

[sir_guinglain]

I am so, so, sorry that this had to happen the way it has done, but yes to the positivity you find in it.

[velithya]

I'm glad that on the other side you feel better! (Is "congratulations" appropriate? If so, congratulations! ♥)

I don't have any ideas, but I hope the party and/or tattoo (or whatever you decide to do) is fun and joyful for you :)

[musesfool]

<333

[asakiyume]

I know exactly what you mean about not being able to lie when directly asked something. It's awkward.

But this is all for the best, and it's truly a glowing best, a wonderful best, as I said on Twitter <3 (And I was one of those people who thought she was the first person! In fact it took rereading this entry for me to register the important fact that she was, in fact, the last.)

I can only imagine that having a family member as important and near as a mother not like you much must really hurt. But I think you're marvelous.

[celli]

I fully support both the party AND the tattoo!

<333333

[runpunkrun]

💜💜💜

[macadamanaity]

<3

[zero_pixel_count]

<3 Tattoo or piercing, both very traditional.

(And - I don't remember the year you were 16 very well, but where we are now is better than where we were when I was 16 and you were 9; writing set in the 90s keeps reminding me of that; the backlash is backlash against progress.)

[skygiants]

K's tattoo idea and a coming out party are both brilliant, I think. I am so glad you are who you are, I am so glad you get to be that completely and entirely, and I think it's deeply worth celebrating! <333

[kass]

I do not know your mother, but I am super not impressed. If she does not notice the real you (and, apparently, does not like the real you?) she is not worth your time or energy. Ugh.

But mazal tov to you! You are tremendous. Unlike your mom. Clearly.

[chestnut_pod]

Oh, mazel tov -- I am very happy to hear you describe that sense of freedom. <3

[silverhare]

Marking freedom, marking honesty and existence is wonderful. I hope you find the perfect symbol or image for you. Also? You fucking rock and I'm glad I know the real you.

[raven]

I am thinking about something unsubtle, like a curl of flowers in Pride colours! Definitely something dramatic and colourful, and if I use text, it will be text by a queer author. Thank you very much for the book rec - I have put in a library hold.

[raven]

If I had not sprained my ankle this week like a FOOL, this would be perfect. :) :) to be deferred a few weeks perhaps but def an excellent idea.

[wychwood]

Sounds delightful!

I hope you enjoy the book.

[raven]

<3 thank you, I do feel cherished, by you and all of my queer community. I think it's the colours that speak to me most! whatever I get, some rainbow colours will be involved!

[raven]

Mine, very much so. :) thank you. <3

[raven]

Thank you! It is a wonderful place to be!

[raven]

Oh, friend! Thank you so much.

[raven]

Thank you very much!

[raven]

Heee, I should make arrangements! I'm so happy about it all!

[raven]

<3 <3 <3

[raven]

Thanks very much. <3

[raven]

I think congratulations are absolutely appropriate, thank you so much. <3

[aria]

That's genuinely so lovely, and I think K's tattoo idea is fantastic :D

[raven]

Thank you so much for these lovely, cherishing words. I was out when I was 12, kind of, but I still feel so beloved of my community right now at the end of my journey.

[tau_sigma]

All my words are inadequate. I'm sorry it wasn't 16 but I guess it's better than 56? I'm glad you're more free. (As always, I'm so glad you're here.)

[raven]

Ah, without having met her you're not wrong! The difference between 36 and 12 is having had the time to learn it. Thank you! I'm so happy to be here now.

[raven]

Oh, absolutely. I am obsessed with Quantum Leap right now, as my other socials may have indicated, and a nonbinary main character born in 1995 keeps making my heart hurt, from how different their life has been from mine. Such progress.

[raven]

thank you friend. <3

[raven]

<3 <3 <3

[pauraque]

I can relate to the relief of not having anyone left to come out to, and sadly also to the knowledge that a parent doesn't like the real you. Congratulations and solidarity.

[zero_pixel_count]

I'd never have guessed :p

The LRP I do photography for has a bunch of nonbinary folks on the crew who are in that sort of age range and yeah, it's... emotional.

[umadoshi]

Hugs and congratulations! And I hope you find something wonderful for a tattoo. *^^*

[duskpeterson]

From one late comer-outer to another, congratulations!

(I was in my teens when I told her I was bi, but she had to wait another quarter century to hear I was nonbinary.)