How long have you known your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?

"What have I done? It's too late for that,
What have I become? Truth is nothing yet,
A simple mistake starts the hardest time,
I promise I'll do anything you ask... this time."

Quoted because I just this minute realised how very sinister those lyrics are. They're from a song called Chocolate, which is from an album called Final Straw, which is how I feel.

I've had a bad week. Since Wednesday, which was the last time I wrote in here, I've been swamped by work, my grandparents have left and my mother's been missing them and bitching about them by turns, and feeling more lonely than I have possibly ever felt. There is something to be said for fighting with people, this is true. You can fight, and make up, and cry over each other, and that's that. I haven't fought with anyone, and yet my friends are gone.

purplerainbow said a couple of days ago that we needed to do this thing called social interaction. I said yes, please, and carefully ditched all my homework against my mother's stalwart advice, and got out of bed early and everything, and went down to the station at the bright and early hour of five to eleven.

There were no trains. No buses. No things with wheels going anywhere. No public transport. I walked home and spent the next hour trying to get in touch with Hannah and her recalcitrant mobile phone. Eventually, I got to talk to her, apologise profusely and threaten to hit things, and when she'd gone to be the lady of mystery, I mused on how the smallest, tiniest things can be the things to make you fall apart. She bought chocolate raisins, you see, because we were going to the cinema, and strange as it may seem we've never been to the cinema again, and I like chocolate raisins and she knows that, and I never even got to see them.

Little things. I went to the beach after that, but there wasn't any beach there. It was high tide, and I couldn't climb down off the dunes because the sea had come up too high. So I walked down the edge of them, watching the waves come in, and then went home. I've been watching Bargaining parts one and two, moodily eating Leigh's jelly beans that are all the strange flavours, and leaving the windows open as wide as they'll go.

This is the lowest I've been in a while.