Alton Towers

I was wet. Oh, I was wet. Mere words cannot describe how wet I was.

To begin from the beginning... the morning was Not Good. My mother was convinced I'd be late, when I was fifteen minutes early, and refused to believe me when I attempted to persuade her otherwise. So we parted company on a faintly sour note, and I ambled off to the newsagent. I ought to point out here that I'd looked out of the window after getting up, seen the rain, but I'd reasoned that I live by the sea, it's always raining, and Alton Towers is a hundred miles from here, it'll probably be brighter later. So I got dressed - "Emily - I want you to leave me alone" top, red hoodie-thingit, jeans, chains and boots - and considered which coat to take. I have two black ones, one that's thin and hood-less, and the other one, which I wear most of the time - thick, long, heavy, with hood, and makes me look like a complete vamp. I took the first one, and kicked myself on a regular basis thereafter.

Everyone arrived on time, more or less, and we left at five past eight. Megan and Kat abandoned us (whoo-yay) and I was with Becca and Yusra and Bev and Saria and Enid, lots of people, and while we started off talking, somehow they managed to play a video to us on the coach. It turned out to be Miss Congeniality, which passed the time, as did some random conversation about geishas and X-Men, and we arrived at the place at about half past ten. The very first thing that happened was Bev saying, "Iona!"
"Ja?" I said.
"I need to go the toilet!"
I think I groaned. Bev's bladder is legendary in its inadequacy. It was still raining, and because Bev wouldn't stop talking about it, most of us were soaking wet inside and out.

We found the loos eventually, not until after a lot of argument and misdirection, and following that, Enid's plan was to head towards the other side of the park and the big rides. She wanted to go on Air, particularly, so we went that way. However, for some reason, along the way Enid, Becca and I lost everyone else. They never explained where they'd gone, which was rather galling, but we made it to some rides, and were just joining the queue for Air when the fucking thing broke down. A little dispirited, we went the other way and went on that pirate ship thing - you know the one, it swings back and forth and throws you up in the air - and I really love that ride. It was enhanced by the fact we were the only people on it. I mean, who else goes to Alton Towers on a soaking wet day at ten thirty in the morning? We would have gone on the ridea few more times, but the man wouldn't let us.

So we decided in our innocence to go towards Oblivion and the other rides, which would involve crossing the park, so we thought we'd take the Skyride, a cute little cable car thing that takes people across. We queued for about an hour, and then it broke down. Much swearing all round. So we lifted our feet and walked. Down, down, into the gardens, pretty, make that gorgeous, in summer, but horrible in dripping rain, down, down, steps and stairs and slopes, across, past the many ponds and mini-flash floods, bouncing over puddles, then up, up stairs and steps and slopes, more rain, more rivers, more water. It took twenty minutes, and by the end of it we were all three extremely pissed off. This was made worse by the time we reached the base of Oblivion. Ella was there, being her usual self, and I was annoyed and suddenly at a loss for anything to do. Enid and Ella wandered off, mainly because Enid wanted to see the Tweenies show. I've given up enquiring into her fondness for the Tweenies (after all, I do have an old love for the Wombles) but I never found out whether it was the Tweenies on ice, or Tweenies on land. I wouldn't be surprised either way.

Anyway, yes, there we were at the base of Oblivion, Becca and me, and we'd just discovered Bev and Loz and everyone were in the Oblivion queue and we couldn't join them, and Becca wanted to join the queue. I refused point-blank. Oblivion is a very ordinary rollercoaster up the point where it takes you sixty feet above ground and suspends you for a second, before dropping you vertically into a dark hole in the ground. Um. no. So that pissed Becca off, which in turn pissed me off, because a phobia is by definition an irrational fear. Everyone knows I have too many phobias, but that's the way it is. I wanted very much to go on the ride, but I physically couldn't. Anyway, Becca and I had an argument, our first one in a while, I'll admit, and then stomped off to the toilets to sulk and recuperate. While Becca was in a cubicle and I was moodily trying to dry my hair with a hand dryer, Fidan, Angela and Saria walked in and I've never been so pleased to see them. They were going towards Nemesis - we went with.

By the time we reached Nemesis - yes, more trees, rain, and water - the mood was clearing although the weather was getting worse. The weird thing was the advertised queuing time for Nemesis was about two hours, so we planned accordingly, but we reached the front of the queue in twenty minutes. It was the first pleasant surprise of the day, methinks. Fidan and Angela queued to go at the front, while Saria, Becca and I went wherever. The seats are arranged in groups of four, so we had one other person, a boy of about eleven who had obviously barely made the height requirement, and he was beyond adorable. He was so sweet and polite, and he said it was his first time on a big rollercoaster, and he was on his own, and awww. He was lovely. Anyway, the thing started moving, I started freaking out, and whoosh.

It was over within a minute and a half (I timed it on the ground, not when I was up there!). I was flipped upside down a few times, but I honestly didn't feel a thing. All I know is when we saw the photographs that were taken of us, I look like I'm having the time of my life. The weird thing is, I always look bizarre in photos, but in a photo taken on Nemesis, I look normal! That makes no sense.
While waiting for Fidan and Angela, Becca and I had coffee. We were so very wet and cold by that point, it was impossible for us to get any wetter, and the coffee was a godsend. Becca and I had made up wordlessly as usually. She bought me the coffee, I paid her for it, and all was well and caffienated.

We went to Air next. Air is a normal rollercoaster too, but you're lying down when you're on it and apparently it feels like you're flying. I don't know, we never went on it, as the queue time was two hours and the ride had broken down four times that day already. We retreated, and headed over to the river rapids next. Becca later said we enjoyed it more, because if we'd been dry we'd have got pissed off at getting wet, but seeing as we were already as wet as we could be, we could enjoy ourselves. We did, too. Saria, however, shook her head at something someone said while we were on it, and her glasses went flying off and into the water! No-one could quite believe it at first, but as they weren't in her bag, in her pockets, in the boat, we had to draw that conclusion. She thought it was funny. I wouldn't have!

We followed that with the runaway train, another ride I'd have liked to go on twice but there wasn't the time. And following that, we got Saria a hot chocolate (into which she stirred seven packets of sugar) and met up at the front of the park. Apparently the teachers enjoyed themselves, too. Mrs Williams dragged them all onto everything. Even Mrs Jones looked like she had fun, which I'm glad about because it seems like she's always being dragged places on school trips and she wasn't too fond of Jerry Springer, if I remember rightly.

They showed us another film on the way back - My Big Fat Greek Wedding - and after it was over, when we were nearly home, Becca suddenly said, "We've been friends four years this month."
It's true, we have. Four years have gone by, so quickly, and it's weird to think I'm no longer in U5W, I'm now nothing but candidate 4485, everything's changed.

In the morning, just after the first few puddles we had to jump over, Enid said something along the lines of wondering what I'd make of today when I came to write about it. This is it. At the time I would have said "unmitigated disaster." Now, I think "awful, got worse, then got much, much better."
Six hours of carbonic acid has not done my hair good. I actually had to put conditioner in it, something I haven't done for years. But there was a bizaree benefit. In the morning, my nails were revolting, not to put too fine a point on it. They were caked and encrusted with dirt, and the tips were going yellow. After a day of rainwater, they've been washed clean. They now look as if I'd taken the time to clean them thoroughly and paint them with clear nail varnish. Wonders never cease.

My school life seems to be over for the time being. The next time I go to school for a school day will be September 4th, and the next time I go to school with cucharita will be... never.

This is it, this is the end, and the fix is in...