Moderators

I am tired and cold and ill and drained, and have just had a horrible, sadistic, frankly nauseating maths exam. I may have been stressed about maths exams at other points, but I never left one thinking I'd got about half marks at the most before.
And in the afternoon, I have history.

I didn't update yesterday because of a general feeling of depression, which hasn't really abated, mostly because once again I have raging insomnia and want to curl up somewhere and sleep, despite the fact it's lunchtime and I have another exam in about forty-five minutes.

Becca, lucky bitch, has gone home to contemplate the disaster of the maths in peace, and there is no-one else in school with the possible exceptions of Hel and eniddy that I am in the mood to talk to. I want them all to fuck off, moderators who patrol the hall, footsteps all the time, tap, tap, tap, laying silent hands on the desk and going through pencilcases and startling me out of a deep trance.
They're like great big marauding hawks. All they want is to startle you and trick you and turn you into a gibbering wreck.

I want to go home, dammit.

Plucked

I'm bored.
So, so tired.
Would give anything to just go to sleep now, but even I know that won't do the insommnia any good.
The history this afternoon wasn't too bad. It was like I thought it would be, maybe even better, and I'm not panicked about it. It's the maths I'm still freaked about.
I have nothing to say. I would try to keep myself awake, but I just don't want to stay awake. There's nothing to be awake for.
It's Helena's birthday on Wednesday. I hadn't realised it was so close.
Thanks to me, her new favourite song is Suicide is Painless.

Tomorrow is French and English Language (again). I need to write my coursework piece tonight. I have a strong urge to just leave it, and not do it, and see what happens.
But I have to, I know. I also have to read over the anthology of poetry.

I enjoyed my walk home today. I was free. It was cold, and clear, and windswept, and I was free.

I'm only going to be free for another eighteen hours or so.

I've been downloading stuff again. I got Jimmy Eat World's Praise Chorus, and also Plucked, Bad Days and Airports, all by Something Corporate. It occurred to me I'm on the way to having every song they've ever recorded.

Anyway. Sleep.