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Memento mori - remember you must die
May. 14th, 2002 10:44 pmThere's one passage in Prozac Nation I keep referring back to. I've read the book twice, but that passage I must have read about twenty times. It's simple, beautifully written, horrific, disturbing and utterly fascinating. It's a description of how the author wants to commit suicide.
She wants to listen to Bruce Springsteen and the Velvet Underground, and while she's doing it, she will run a steaming hot bath. Then, she'll change the music to the Beatles' Strawberry Fields, for the sake of one line by John Lennon - "Let me take you down..."
Then, she'll take a knife or a razor blade, and slice into her wrists, cutting lengthways, not across, and then she'll turn out of all the lights and get into the bath, and let herself bleed to death in the water, the darkness, steam, heat and music.
When I read this, all I can think of is the heat of the water on the wounds in her wrists. She wants to die like this, and all I can think of is, won't the heat burn her wrists?
And in the end, of course, it's all an anti-climax. All she can do is lock herself in the bathroom, swallow a handful of orange Mellaril tablets, which is the hardest drug bar none to overdose on, and she sits on the bathroom floor and waits to die.
This story, a true story, reads like fiction written by an obsessed, angst-ridden writer, apart from that fact it has a happy ending.
There are happy endings in the real world, though precious and hard to find. There are also happy beginnings in this world, that don't always live up to their early promise. There are people who are born knowing how to live, there are people born waiting to die, there are people who don't know how to do either. There are people who live life, and people who think about it, and people who are afraid of it, and people who embrace it.
I believe in reincarnation. Which is a lie, because I don't believe in anything except myself. I believe in the basic right of humans to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, I believe humans are blessed simply because they are human. I don't believe we only live once. I believe that after the end of the universe, it will all begin again in a new Big Bang. This one will be exactly the same as the old one in every way, everything will happen as it has happened before, for ever and ever, world without end...
So if you want to live your life, get it right the first time. It's the only chance you've got.
She wants to listen to Bruce Springsteen and the Velvet Underground, and while she's doing it, she will run a steaming hot bath. Then, she'll change the music to the Beatles' Strawberry Fields, for the sake of one line by John Lennon - "Let me take you down..."
Then, she'll take a knife or a razor blade, and slice into her wrists, cutting lengthways, not across, and then she'll turn out of all the lights and get into the bath, and let herself bleed to death in the water, the darkness, steam, heat and music.
When I read this, all I can think of is the heat of the water on the wounds in her wrists. She wants to die like this, and all I can think of is, won't the heat burn her wrists?
And in the end, of course, it's all an anti-climax. All she can do is lock herself in the bathroom, swallow a handful of orange Mellaril tablets, which is the hardest drug bar none to overdose on, and she sits on the bathroom floor and waits to die.
This story, a true story, reads like fiction written by an obsessed, angst-ridden writer, apart from that fact it has a happy ending.
There are happy endings in the real world, though precious and hard to find. There are also happy beginnings in this world, that don't always live up to their early promise. There are people who are born knowing how to live, there are people born waiting to die, there are people who don't know how to do either. There are people who live life, and people who think about it, and people who are afraid of it, and people who embrace it.
I believe in reincarnation. Which is a lie, because I don't believe in anything except myself. I believe in the basic right of humans to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, I believe humans are blessed simply because they are human. I don't believe we only live once. I believe that after the end of the universe, it will all begin again in a new Big Bang. This one will be exactly the same as the old one in every way, everything will happen as it has happened before, for ever and ever, world without end...
So if you want to live your life, get it right the first time. It's the only chance you've got.