Red and silver stars

[raven]

So... I was sitting there staring into space, half-asleep, listening to Heart-shaped Box, and someone hugged me from behind.

My mother is home. She looks a little different - her hair is longer, she's wearing a dupatta over her clothes, she's more than a little over-emtotional, but she's here.
The very first thing she did was to look at my wrists to see if I had any new bracelets, and when I next looked at my wrists, I saw she'd already stolen the red-and-silver-star one. I'm so glad to see her. I've missed her; she looks around and says it's so quiet. She can't believe the silence in the house after the noise in New Delhi, and above anything she's glad to be home. I told about everything she'd missed - my parent's evening, the non-trial of Paul Burrell, the pictures on the wall, the firefighers' strike, my A-level choices, the death of Myra Hindley, SG-5...

She thinks my CD player is gorgeous, my pocket chains are odd, the bracelets are pretty, the house is clean, and she says she wanted to get me something but didn't know what, so she told me about it anyway. She told me everyone missed me - Dadu thought my emails were hilarious. Dadu, for those not familiar with my half-Bengali family, is my mother's father's younger brother. But my maternal grandfather died thirty years ago, so Dadu took the place of a father for my mother, to the extent of giving her away at her wedding. He calls her "Dipu" instead of Deepali. They're very close.

Anyway, I wrote to Dadu, in an email, something along these lines: "Dadu, would you do me a favour? Please tell my mother I miss her and I know how to work the washing machine."
Dadu thought this amazing. According to my mother, he told everyone who would listen: "That girl is pukka British. An ordinary Indian girl would say 'Dadu, tell my mother...' But no, she asks me to 'do her a favour!'"

Apparently, everyone agreed with him. Even Chintu did, who is currently in San Francisco and in no position to talk about cultural displacement.

Anyway, she's asleep now. I'm going to do some homework and then go to Yusra's party.

And oh, yes - happy birthday, purplerainbow! I hadn't forgotten, I love you just as much as ever, and I hope Alyson Hannigan jumps out of your cake...

Comments

[snowdrop24.livejournal.com]

Aaw...glad your mum's back
:):)

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Me too! *grin*

[tygermoonfoxx.livejournal.com]

Wow...you must have an absolutely fabulous heritage! I would love to have an extended family like that, but there's only me, my mother, a grandmother, and a sister still living. My husband's folks don't even talk to me!

I have all kinds of questions, but they're rude so I won't ask them :P You'd think after thirty odd years on the planet I'd stop being so curious.

[purplerainbow.livejournal.com]

Am thrilled that your mother's back.

And thanks for remembering me!
Love you too!
Unfortunately, I haven't got a birthday cake...
Oh well, she'll just have to use the door.

[flickgc.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm glad that she's back okay!

Re:

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Hey.. ask as many rude questions as you like, I won't mind.

I'm going to swallow my tactfulness and ask one of my own... why don't your husband's folks talk to you?

Peace,
~Raven

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Oh, so am I. She just came in and said, "Are you still on that computer? Brush your hair and go to bed!"
Never have the words sounded so sweet...
I'm so glad she's back!

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

Well, we tried to wrap her and put her in a box, but we thought she might suffocate, which would be a problem and cause the sort of stress you shouldn't have to suffer from on your birthday...

Re:

[purplerainbow.livejournal.com]

That's true...
I wouldn't want to find a suffocated Aly in a box.
But, if she was wrapped in purple wrapping paper, it would be so bad...

[tygermoonfoxx.livejournal.com]

My husband's folks don't approve of me. I was pagan long before I met him and out of the closet, though not in-the-face about it. I did my best to discourage him from following that particular path when we met (threw "Drawing Down the Moon" and "Spiral Dance" at him and then told him to come back when he'd read them both if he was still interested, figuring he'd quit after the first few chapters....I was wrong) but in the end th choice was his.

Secondly, I was not in the best of situations when he found me. I was critically ill and my young roommate was about to throw me out onto the streets of Boston in that condition. My husband took me to his home in Florida and nursed me back to health until I could get a job on my own. I was supposed to move out at the end of a set time period but he asked me to keep living with him.

His folks are devoutly Catholic and this didn't sit well with them. We lived together for two years before getting married and then got married in a civil ceremony --- basically eloped to Colorado and married ourselves. They also don't like the fact that I am, by his choice and mine, a stay at home housewife, that I am infertile, and that I'm fat. They consider me to be intellectually and spiritually inferior. They don't like my personal background, either, and view the adversities I went through as character weakenesses.

In short, they plain don't want to let go of their boy and let him live his life as a man.

I'm all kinds of curious about your cultural background; what's it like to grow up with such an extended family? And --- the pagan in me wants to know --- what kind of religous background your Indian relatives have? I've seen a lot of documentaries on Hindu beliefs but was under the impression that they are now relatively rare.

[loneraven.livejournal.com]

*sighs* Ick. Your husband's parents... well, he can't help his family. It's horrible that they've treated you that way, though - completely wrong.

As for me... well, I ought to make clear who I am and where I come from. I was born in England - Liverpool, to be specific. I've lived all my life in and around Liverpool, but I'm of Indian origin, half Bengali because my mother's family are Bengalii, but my dad's family are from Uttar Pradesh. Oh, yeah - Iona is a Scottish/Celtic nickname, just to add to the mix.

In answer to your question, I'm not quite sure whether I like being a displaced child. I'm glad my parents emigrated, but most of my family were left behind - in this country it's just the three of us. I've got family in Australia and Indianapolis, Indiana, but most of them are in India. My parents were both part of large families, but I've never really felt a part of my my mother's family because I don't speak Bengali, only Hindi, and that not very well. They try, I know, to make me belong, but it's always been an uphill struggle. My dad's family are easier to get on with, but I only see them rarely, once every two years or so.

As for religious background... again, I'm a mixture. My dad is a Brahmin and my mother is a Kshyiatra, which are two different Hindu castes - scholar and warrior. The caste system isn't as important nowadays as it once was, but the religion is still flourishing - having lasted seven thousand years already(!)

The difference that sets it apart from mosrt religions is you can't convert anyone to Hinduism. It's against every principle of the religion - you are born a Hindu. The main tenet to follow is one of tolerance above all things - everyone, whatever religion, sexuality, race, nationality, is to be respected. It's made into more of a way of life than a religion.

My grandfather was a strict Brahmin Hindu. In accordance with the scriptures, he believed that the destiny of every child is set at the moment he or she is born, and it can be read in the stars. He died before he had a chance to see me grow up, but he had a chart made for me of the stars at the moment I was born - it predicts I will grow up to be a thinker, a writer, a reader, a daydreamer. My given name is Pragya, which my grandfather gave me - it means "rich in knowledge" and he always said it was because of my star chart.

So there you go. Sorry for being so long-winded(!)

[tygermoonfoxx.livejournal.com]

Wow...how incredibly interesting. I sometimes think that Americans are horribly devoide of any kind of cultural shaping.

My own folks are Swedish in origin on one side and Black Irish on the other side; my grandfather had a disagreement with his father as a young man and so the Swedish and many of the customs along with the religion were never taught openly in my home. Even so, a lot of the folk customs survived and when I was older I was able to piece these back together and follow them back to paganism. My own beliefs are of Celtic and Norse roots but are placed within the framework of Wicca. I belong to a Tradition but we're a little more easy going than most and have a bit more flexibility.

I love the diversity and sharing that comes with interacting with different people; it's one of the things in life I value highly.