The nth degree
Nov. 8th, 2002 06:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravenI've been purposely staying offline today. I can't explain why. I don't know myself. Suffice it to say I am still here and I am still me.
It has been an unusual day. The weather was enough to drive everyone crazy - cold, grey, overcast and dripping wet. I felt lonely today; maybe it was the weather that started me thinking about it, but the people I know are growing up, changing, drifting apart. People were talking to each other about their A-level choices, and whether or not they're staying at Merchants' or moving somewhere else.
I asked Mrs Custard a question today, as I do nearly every day. I think it was about why the energy that holds an atomic nucleus together is so much stronger than the simple chemical energy in a chemical bond, for example - where's the immense energy coming from?
She looked at me for a while, and then said, "That's a good question, and I don't know the answer."
She is still surprised at how I told her I don't want to do sciences at A-level. "Who would you ask questions?" she asked.
I didn't say anything.
"You ask the kind of questions a brilliant scientist would ask. You always want to know about everything to the n-th degree."
She made me think about it. To be honest, I can't stop doing science altogether next year. I just can't. And she's right - I do have an unfortunate tendency to want to know the ins and outs of everything before I'll let it go.
I did think about doing Chemistry for A-level, but I don't know - I might do Physics. If Mrs Custard is still teaching me, I'd prefer it to Mrs Williams and her lemon yellow accoutrements.
I was talking about things that are changing. It seems extremely odd, but after the end of this year all the people I've known for so long will probably be dispersing. And a little more worrying is the fact I feel nothing about it. I'm so glad Becca isn't going - I couldn't face it without her - and I'm sorry Bev is going. But everyone else - that hasn't sunk in. I don't know if Enid's going or not.
And I don't know what to do with myself. I never thought I'd leave the three sciences and Maths behind me in favour of English and History and Politics... I rationalised it by thinking I was never that good at maths or science.
But now I'm having doubts.
I want to be a journalist. I think I do, anyway. This is, after all, the closest I've got to making a decision and sticking with it for a long time.
I guess it all boils down to how I see myself, and I don't know how I see myself.
I think I'll return to the mundane now. It might be easier that way.
The rain continued like a displaced day of the Great Flood... of course, the bus was late and I got drenched. Thankfully, Pedar had an attack of conscience in his office and decided he couldn't let me walk home in it, and he came to pick me up - only for the car to break down. Twice. The first time wasn't so bad, but the second time, we had to push it. Rather, he had to push it and I had to steer, which Pedar found inexplicably hilarious. Some lad on the other side of the street actually spent fifteen minutes helping us, which I thought extremely nice, as it was tipping down still. Thankfully, the car started a little further along, and we got home without incident.
I have to say I'm glad it's Friday. And I'm also glad to be home, and dry, and educated, and all the rest of it.
In case anyone is wondering, I have decided to try and leave spaces between paragraphs. Feedback on the innovation is appreciated.
It has been an unusual day. The weather was enough to drive everyone crazy - cold, grey, overcast and dripping wet. I felt lonely today; maybe it was the weather that started me thinking about it, but the people I know are growing up, changing, drifting apart. People were talking to each other about their A-level choices, and whether or not they're staying at Merchants' or moving somewhere else.
I asked Mrs Custard a question today, as I do nearly every day. I think it was about why the energy that holds an atomic nucleus together is so much stronger than the simple chemical energy in a chemical bond, for example - where's the immense energy coming from?
She looked at me for a while, and then said, "That's a good question, and I don't know the answer."
She is still surprised at how I told her I don't want to do sciences at A-level. "Who would you ask questions?" she asked.
I didn't say anything.
"You ask the kind of questions a brilliant scientist would ask. You always want to know about everything to the n-th degree."
She made me think about it. To be honest, I can't stop doing science altogether next year. I just can't. And she's right - I do have an unfortunate tendency to want to know the ins and outs of everything before I'll let it go.
I did think about doing Chemistry for A-level, but I don't know - I might do Physics. If Mrs Custard is still teaching me, I'd prefer it to Mrs Williams and her lemon yellow accoutrements.
I was talking about things that are changing. It seems extremely odd, but after the end of this year all the people I've known for so long will probably be dispersing. And a little more worrying is the fact I feel nothing about it. I'm so glad Becca isn't going - I couldn't face it without her - and I'm sorry Bev is going. But everyone else - that hasn't sunk in. I don't know if Enid's going or not.
And I don't know what to do with myself. I never thought I'd leave the three sciences and Maths behind me in favour of English and History and Politics... I rationalised it by thinking I was never that good at maths or science.
But now I'm having doubts.
I want to be a journalist. I think I do, anyway. This is, after all, the closest I've got to making a decision and sticking with it for a long time.
I guess it all boils down to how I see myself, and I don't know how I see myself.
I think I'll return to the mundane now. It might be easier that way.
The rain continued like a displaced day of the Great Flood... of course, the bus was late and I got drenched. Thankfully, Pedar had an attack of conscience in his office and decided he couldn't let me walk home in it, and he came to pick me up - only for the car to break down. Twice. The first time wasn't so bad, but the second time, we had to push it. Rather, he had to push it and I had to steer, which Pedar found inexplicably hilarious. Some lad on the other side of the street actually spent fifteen minutes helping us, which I thought extremely nice, as it was tipping down still. Thankfully, the car started a little further along, and we got home without incident.
I have to say I'm glad it's Friday. And I'm also glad to be home, and dry, and educated, and all the rest of it.
In case anyone is wondering, I have decided to try and leave spaces between paragraphs. Feedback on the innovation is appreciated.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2002-11-08 10:50 am (UTC)I haven't heard from you for so long. Where have you gone?
no subject
on 2002-11-08 11:24 am (UTC)So, if you decide to do sciences, what would you give up?
Is such a hard decision, isn't it?
And I admire your plans for journalism. I have considered it also, as my history teacher thought I'd be good at it, but I realised that it didn't appeal to me as much as teaching or lecturing, and it's such a competitive field that one oughtn't to try for it unless one really felt passionately that one ought.
Did you understand that, or were there too many oughts?
But yey you if you want to do that. We need some decent journalists!
no subject
on 2002-11-08 11:25 am (UTC)*Purposely* trying to stay *offline*?
I was punching the other computer yesterday when the internet was broken for the *whole night*! Yuk...
:)
no subject
on 2002-11-08 11:28 am (UTC)We spend too much time together...
no subject
on 2002-11-08 11:34 am (UTC)why aren't you on trillian Hannah?
and why are you set to away Iona?
no subject
on 2002-11-08 12:30 pm (UTC)You wanna teach, honey? I never saw you doing that, somehow... or maybe on second thoughts, I like that idea. Or lecturing, that's better.
I want to be a good journalist, myself. Not a crappy tabloid one. I guess I want people to have heard of me. I think.
no subject
on 2002-11-08 12:31 pm (UTC)I wanted some time to think.
no subject
on 2002-11-08 12:31 pm (UTC)Re:
on 2002-11-09 03:35 am (UTC)well, actually I can't remember, because it was yesterday.
I'm there now, but I notice that none of you lot aren't!!
Re:
on 2002-11-09 03:41 am (UTC)Find yourself a decent broadsheet where you can have your own column and rant about whatever you want, and people will love you for it.
And about teaching, I wanna, but I'm not sure.
What did you see me doing?
Re:
on 2002-11-09 04:08 am (UTC)A poet. I'm serious, I guess. I know you can't be a poet and not have a day job, but I think you should never stop writing. Your writing is so much less literal than mine - so much more poetry in it.
So, teach if you must, but never stop writing lest we all grow old and grey without songs and poetry to carry us away...
Re:
on 2002-11-09 04:14 am (UTC)I would never do that. I couldn't. Wouldn't we all go crazy?
But I'm not sure about poetry. I don't think I'm a particularly poetic person, although it's always nice to have someone say they think I am.
Sometimes my thoughts express themselves in poetry, but that's not intentional.
We're online at the same time, but we're a world away from each other. Only together in cosmos.
Just thought I'd say that.
no subject
on 2002-11-10 07:03 am (UTC)In my youth (long time ago now) I did Pure Maths, Applied Maths, Physics, Computer Science at A-level.
There was no provision in the timetable for me to combine Chemistry with double Maths, and I still rue having missed out on A-level Chemistry.
You could see if they can fit (say) Maths, Physics and Chemistry into the timetable alongside English. There's plenty of work for scientific journalists -- I take it that you read and enjoy publications like NewScientist and Scientific American, and that you follow bits of TV produced in the tradition of programs like "Horizon"?
You can study politics and history without being taught them: most of us do, even if we don't admit it even to ourselves. You can write, you know your sciences. You love writing, you love sciences. What better argument could there be for persisting with both? in your position, I'd combine them if I possibly could.
Hear the words of Mrs Custard:
> "You ask the kind of questions a brilliant scientist would ask.
> You always want to know about everything to the n-th degree."
Perfect qualifications for journalism, particularly in a field you love.
Now, go and find a history/politics nut and get the opposite point of view, and then make up your own mind.
(Spaces between paragraphs work well, by the way.)
Re:
on 2002-11-10 08:00 am (UTC)As for sciences in general, my parents are both doctors and they are also both very much into popular science, so they leave the books lying around the house and I learn by osmosis.
Anyway... I should think about this properly, I know. The politics nut has made her appearance already -
Once again, thank you. I needed advice(!)