incidental string quartets
Aug. 31st, 2008 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravenThing I did today that makes me awesome: assembled a piece of Ikea flat-pack furniture. By myself. With no screws left over. Which I am now sitting on. I feel good about myself.
Thing I did today that makes me slightly less awesome: drank a glass of water with a fly in it. Hmmm.
It is a quiet night in the Mousehole tonight, so I took a long long bath with the windows open and listened to the rain hitting metal outside, sonorously, and read Midnight's Children, which I have still not finished. I may, later, stretch to making stir-fry. With noodles. My life is terribly exciting right now, yes, indeed. That said, it's better tonight, and yesterday, and the day before, than it had been for a good long while; because while nothing has changed, outwardly - I am still busy and a little fraught, and as of today, have been rejected from potential training contracts five times over - I am feeling better about everything. My brain is not foggy. I'm still getting headaches, and still feeling abnormally tired, but they're just headaches, it's just tiredness; it's not soul-sucking loss of function, it's not like looking at everything through an oh-god-life-is-awful lens. So for that, I am very thankful. I feel almost normal, and like tomorrow will be good.
But, that leaves me in something of a dilemma. While I feel better, I don't know whether to chalk this up to the citalopram or not. I am actually tempted to think not - I've been told over and over that it takes a fortnight or more to build up enough to have an effect, and not only have I only been on it a week or so, I'm on a lower than standard dose. It might just be that I feel better because I feel better, because there are less opiates in my system, because I've finally got settled into a new place where I'm comfortable and happy, because the weather is changing, any number of things. And in the meantime, the citalopram is giving me a lot of side-effects. Worst of these is a much higher anxiety level, both as a baseline and with sudden nova bursts of it on top of that, which have caused no end of trouble. So I see my GP again on Tuesday, and I think I may tell her I'd rather not, if she doesn't mind. If I come off it and immediately fall into a depressed funk, well, lesson learned. But in the meantime I'm not sure I want to do this. I'll stay on it until after Thursday, so I don't get coming-off-it effects during a, er, job interview, but after that, yes.
So, I've been wandering about in a bit of a daze for a few days. I have informed![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
very_improbable that she hasn't ever met me, that me fogged and medicated is not, well, me, and the next time she meets me, therefore, will be the first time, but nevertheless, she did come and stay for a couple of days, most of which were spent lazing about the place. On Friday night we went up to the Sleeper Service to see luminometrice and triptogenetica, who have just moved in, and who fed us handsomely. I, being somewhat drugged, got rather drunk rather quickly. No one seemed to hold this against me. It was a lovely, lovely evening, with plenty of silly jokes and ice-cream and people saying, "Well, who the fuck is Sarah Palin?"
(Yes, about Sarah Palin. As someone who was quite a vocal supporter of Hillary Clinton, it all makes me sad. I mean, I'm a woman. I'm also smart. (And these facts have nothing to do with each other.) If I got to vote in this election, I would still be smart. There's lots of debate flying about, but my thought is, this isn't sophisticated discourse; it's not sophisticated to argue that women will vote for Sarah Palin because she's a woman. Maybe some will, I don't know, but those women aren't co-referential with the women who supported Hillary Clinton, and they certainly aren't co-referential with, you know, feminists. Apologies for stating the utterly bloody obvious, but, yes, sometimes I take pleasure in doing that. Unrelatedly, she's the governor of Alaska. Wow. I am always amazed Alaska exists.)
Other things of note: the Guardian reviews a book about what we're all doing wrong; it is ten items or fewer; why being an Indian woman is difficult, delightful and occasionally just ludicrous.
And, finally. A request passed along fromshimgray: he's looking for images and pieces of film that somehow embody the theme of "forgiveness"; more details.
And. Tomorrow we will have a kitten. Life is definitely on the up.
Thing I did today that makes me slightly less awesome: drank a glass of water with a fly in it. Hmmm.
It is a quiet night in the Mousehole tonight, so I took a long long bath with the windows open and listened to the rain hitting metal outside, sonorously, and read Midnight's Children, which I have still not finished. I may, later, stretch to making stir-fry. With noodles. My life is terribly exciting right now, yes, indeed. That said, it's better tonight, and yesterday, and the day before, than it had been for a good long while; because while nothing has changed, outwardly - I am still busy and a little fraught, and as of today, have been rejected from potential training contracts five times over - I am feeling better about everything. My brain is not foggy. I'm still getting headaches, and still feeling abnormally tired, but they're just headaches, it's just tiredness; it's not soul-sucking loss of function, it's not like looking at everything through an oh-god-life-is-awful lens. So for that, I am very thankful. I feel almost normal, and like tomorrow will be good.
But, that leaves me in something of a dilemma. While I feel better, I don't know whether to chalk this up to the citalopram or not. I am actually tempted to think not - I've been told over and over that it takes a fortnight or more to build up enough to have an effect, and not only have I only been on it a week or so, I'm on a lower than standard dose. It might just be that I feel better because I feel better, because there are less opiates in my system, because I've finally got settled into a new place where I'm comfortable and happy, because the weather is changing, any number of things. And in the meantime, the citalopram is giving me a lot of side-effects. Worst of these is a much higher anxiety level, both as a baseline and with sudden nova bursts of it on top of that, which have caused no end of trouble. So I see my GP again on Tuesday, and I think I may tell her I'd rather not, if she doesn't mind. If I come off it and immediately fall into a depressed funk, well, lesson learned. But in the meantime I'm not sure I want to do this. I'll stay on it until after Thursday, so I don't get coming-off-it effects during a, er, job interview, but after that, yes.
So, I've been wandering about in a bit of a daze for a few days. I have informed
very_improbable that she hasn't ever met me, that me fogged and medicated is not, well, me, and the next time she meets me, therefore, will be the first time, but nevertheless, she did come and stay for a couple of days, most of which were spent lazing about the place. On Friday night we went up to the Sleeper Service to see luminometrice and triptogenetica, who have just moved in, and who fed us handsomely. I, being somewhat drugged, got rather drunk rather quickly. No one seemed to hold this against me. It was a lovely, lovely evening, with plenty of silly jokes and ice-cream and people saying, "Well, who the fuck is Sarah Palin?" (Yes, about Sarah Palin. As someone who was quite a vocal supporter of Hillary Clinton, it all makes me sad. I mean, I'm a woman. I'm also smart. (And these facts have nothing to do with each other.) If I got to vote in this election, I would still be smart. There's lots of debate flying about, but my thought is, this isn't sophisticated discourse; it's not sophisticated to argue that women will vote for Sarah Palin because she's a woman. Maybe some will, I don't know, but those women aren't co-referential with the women who supported Hillary Clinton, and they certainly aren't co-referential with, you know, feminists. Apologies for stating the utterly bloody obvious, but, yes, sometimes I take pleasure in doing that. Unrelatedly, she's the governor of Alaska. Wow. I am always amazed Alaska exists.)
Other things of note: the Guardian reviews a book about what we're all doing wrong; it is ten items or fewer; why being an Indian woman is difficult, delightful and occasionally just ludicrous.
And, finally. A request passed along from
shimgray: he's looking for images and pieces of film that somehow embody the theme of "forgiveness"; more details.And. Tomorrow we will have a kitten. Life is definitely on the up.
