Come on Balthasar, I refuse to let you die...

Except the strength of feeling behind the sentiment is less strong than usual, because I am just a little bit pissed off with balthaser, as she never turned up in the end.

So my little expedition to Liverpool today was a solo one. I even had a list of things to buy and everything. Next Sunday is Father's Day, so I was thinking about something for that, and I eventually saw a card in the first shop in Quiggins, one of the ones with quotes on. For some reason, Pedar is always quoting this at me: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I think he might appreciate a card with this on.

I also had to buy a birthday present for Nicola. Not my Nichola, but the other one, whom I really don't know well at all. I wasn't expecting a birthday presnt from her back in January, but I did make a mental note to get her something come June. And now here is June, and I still don't know her very well. I really hate buying impersonal birthday presents, particularly as I never usually have to as a general thing. I keep an eye out for this sort of thing anyway, so if there was some drastic change in the calendar and all my friends' birthdays were next week, I'd know what to get them. Actually, I saw something today that I ought to remember when it's Clare's birthday. It's a pity that Clare's birthday is in November.

Yes, so I had to get something for Nicola, and I don't know anything about what she likes. Even the old staple, chocolate, was a bad idea because for all I know she could be like me and be incredibly picky about the chocolate she eats. In the end I went to the new Bead Shop at Whitechapel and bought earrings. I do know her ears are pierced and she likes danglies - if anyone remembers the dangly shoe earrings I wouldn't stop looking at the other day, those are the ones. I also got the silver star ones. And having done that, I felt compelled to get a pair for myself. The ones I eventually picked are very cute. They're silver dangly guitars!

I also bought a birthday card for her, and a plain white t-shirt for myself. Clearly, your wardrobe is not complete if you don't have one, and mine went into the washing-machine with a red sock.

So, laden down with all these new possessions, I bought a sandwich to eat later and wandered into Waterstone's. How often do you end up in a bookshop by yourself? Quite often, if you're me, but for probably the first time ever, I was free to roam and take as long as I wanted and for some reason, I didn't go and look at all the books I usually do (I tend to migrate towards sf and fantasy as a general thing). I looked at the poetry, for one thing. I never read poetry for pleasure and I don't own any poetry, especially as I don't think Pedar likes it either, but I stopped to see. Embarrassingly, I migrated towards the collections of poetry by the poets in the GCSE and AS anthologies. I also looked through The Whitsun Weddings (amchau knows why), but I think you probably can't read poetry in bookshops. I need much more time before I have even the slightest idea of what a poem is about.

I wanted to just sit there for a while, so I started reading the Mammoth Book of Gay Short Stories, which is not something I can generally sit and spend time reading, but it's something I wanted to do; it occurred to me that I'm really no longer a gen writer, and I must have an interest in gay and lesbian fiction for some very very obvious reasons. And I'd like to go on a proper bookshopping expedition soon.

I had to go home eventually, because I was tutoring. The house is in chaos. My mother's family - well, her aunt and uncle, who have been like parents to her for years, and their daughter (my infamous Mashi with the radio show) and her husband - are coming to visit this weekend. It will probably be a long stay, but not like when my (paternal) grandmother was here - much more fun. Unfortunately, things are going wrong. They want to go down to London while they're here, which they have been planning with gusto. Unfortunately, Mashi and my mother seem to be taking it as a personal affront that I won't go. It's not as if I don't want to go - I do, I really do like London and besides thunderemerald might be there - but I can't. I have a field trip, of all things, and the new sixth form induction.

But they're angry. My mother is paranoid. She's cleaning the house from top to bottm, buying linen and god-knows-what, and to add injury to further injury, there is a problem with their visas. Something to do with the incredibly passive-aggressive tactics of the Dutch Embassy in Ahmedabad. I don't want to know. But it's making the whole thing very complicated. In fact, the weeks while they're here will be very complicated. It's not like I don't want them to come, as I like them all very much, but it's just my own mother who is driving me round the bend.

She's driving Pedar round the bend, too, but he hides it better.

Due to one thing and another, this entry has been three hours in the writing.

So I think I'm retreating into fandom. Real life is much too complicated. I'm writing a fic at the moment and enjoying it much too much.

just nineteen and dream obscene

Firstly, a message directed at the world in general and thieving_gypsy in particular.

Fairy Boys is finished. This makes me sad.

But, Placebo! Flaming Creatures! Brian Slade Molko. Eeee.

I need to go and read the whole thing again. And there's always glitterverse. mousapelli needs to come back soon so Sirius and Remus can go off on a midnight expedition together and practise Patronus charms. Except it's supposed to be a secret. Like a lot of things.

Having said that, despite the fact they are RPG characters, it's very difficult to stop them from flirting with each other. It just happens and I don't know why.

Then, ( the commenty thing )