dolorosa_12: (le guin)
[personal profile] dolorosa_12
I'm back home after two weeks away visiting my family in Australia. The arrival on Saturday morning — into freezing, driving rain and dark skies, after an unpleasant, sleepless, turbulent flight — was a bit of a shock to the system, but sleeping for 11 hours last night, plus coffee and pastries for breakfast this morning have done a lot to help. The garden is waterlogged and austere, but although all the fruit trees now have bare branches, astonishingly some of the flowering plants in the raised beds still have blooms on them.

Australia was the usual whirlwind of family visits (my parents and sisters live in two different states, which obviously necessitates a domestic flight to see my dad, stepmother and three of my sisters, plus I have five aunts — two of whom live in a seaside town an hour or so outside Sydney), catching up with friends, and various other bits and pieces. This time around I also took the opportunity to have a bunch of medical appointments that would likely have been difficult or impossible to get in the UK, and it's ridiculous how astonishing and nice it felt to receive medical care in settings where the doctors, nurses and other health professionals don't seem worn down by austerity and chronic understaffing. My Australian GP is the same one attended by my mum, sister #1, one of my aunts, her husband and adult children, and also both my maternal grandparents when they were alive, and the receptionist knows that all of us are related, and told me how much she loved my grandparents, which was sweet.

Other than friends and family, I have two main priorities when it comes to Australian visits: food, and bodies of water, and I made sure I got my fill of both of them. There is nothing that compares to an Australian cafe brunch, Australian coffee is second to none, and I took every opportunity to indulge in both, as well as eating my body weight in mangoes, which are impossible to get in any good quality in the UK. When in Melbourne, Matthias and I went out for a tasting menu at this incredible place for his birthday, and (at the brilliant suggestion of sister #1) mum, sister #1, Matthias and I spent the first weekend of the trip recouperating from jetlag at this beautiful place, which also involved a couple of delicious dinners and breakfasts, and that — plus a couple of other meals out — meant we were extremely well served on the culinary front.

Bodies of water included many swims with Mum at the best outdoor swimming pool, and the ocean in various guises. I have, of course, documented this secular pilgramage with a photoset here, storing up my memory of these home oceans until the next visit.

Returning to Australia is always psychologically odd, and this trip was no different, but I'm glad to have done it, and glad to have been there at this time of the year. And, above all, I feel immensely grateful for the fact that I'm an immigrant able to return to my country of origin when I want to, rather than having to close that door forever and sever that connection. I may have made the choice to live under different skies and beside different bodies of water, but the seas and skies that made me are always a twenty-four-hour flight away, still within reach.

Events of note

Nov. 23rd, 2025 10:35 am
rmc28: Rachel in hockey gear on the frozen fen at Upware, near Cambridge (Default)
[personal profile] rmc28

bullet points for October & November
yeah it's 99% ice hockey )

And that brings me to this week! In which I got a cold on Wednesday and therefore skipped training Wed and Fri and worked from home Thu and Fri. I did shake off the cold enough to play my first game for Huskies last night (in Gosport, against Southampton Spitfires), and later today I'll be playing for Kodiaks 2 against Lee Valley Vampires. I am especially looking forward to this one, I love playing against teams full of friends.

Next weekend Kodiaks 2 have a double-header weekend of home games in Peterborough: Saturday night against Lee Valley Vampires and Sunday night against MK Falcons 2. And that wraps up 2025 for Kodiaks 2: after 6 games in 5 weekends in November, we have zero games in December.

Inlaws....

Nov. 23rd, 2025 03:37 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly in [community profile] agonyaunt
1. When I say goodbye to my mother-in-law, she frequently traps me in extended hugs. They often last longer than 15 seconds! During these hugs, she rattles off compliments that are probably well-meaning, but which I take as insults: She’s grateful that I’m a good cook for my husband, for instance, and that I keep our house so clean. My husband and I are both working professionals. We split the housework evenly, and I’m proud of that. My husband says that his mother’s comments are just her way of trying to connect with me. But is there a way to dodge her hugs? That’s when the so-called compliments begin.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW


Read more... )

****


2. Dear Carolyn: We are a very small family — just me, my older sister and my parents. Five years ago, my sister married into a very large family, and her in-laws host all the holidays. We’re always invited, but it’s never any fun for us. There are 20 of them together, talking and laughing, and me and my parents in the corner by ourselves.

I’ve honestly tried to join in, but they’re always talking among themselves about people I don’t know. I ask them about their lives, and they go on and on, but when it’s time for me to talk, I get either cut off or ignored. They try to be nice, but after the third or fourth attempt to answer a question, you can tell they don’t care about the answer.

So I’ve decided I’m not going for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. On Thanksgiving, some of my friends are meeting up for a hike in the morning, and then there’s a pub crawl later in the evening, and that’s enough holiday for me. I can order a pizza for dinner. For Christmas, I plan to have breakfast with my parents, open gifts and then kick back for the rest of the day while they go off to my sister’s in-laws’ house.

Even though my parents agree about the in-laws, they are telling me to suck it up and go for their sake. They and my sister are really upset with me, saying I’m going to ruin their holidays, hurt my brother-in-law’s feelings and not see my niece. I say there will be so many people around that my brother-in-law and niece won’t miss me, and I’ll see them both on Black Friday and then again on Christmas Eve, so it’s not like I’m missing out entirely.

Am I being selfish like they say? Don’t I have a right to enjoy my holidays, or do I have to suffer in silence?
— Anonymous


Read more... )

*************


3. Dear Annie: My son got married about eight months ago, and while I truly do love his new wife, I admit I'm scratching my head over a few things. Maybe it's the times changing, or maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but it feels like I got a fourth child instead of a daughter-in-law.

When they come over for dinner, I do what I've always done: make a nice meal, fix everyone a plate and pass the rolls. I'll serve my husband, my boys and even the dog if he looks hungry enough. But my new daughter-in-law? She piles food on her own plate, sits down and tells my son to get it himself. My jaw nearly hit the mashed potatoes. He works all day to provide for her, and the least she could do is hand him a pork chop! Instead, I find myself jumping up to fix his plate while she's scrolling through her phone.

And the laundry, don't even get me started. Because they don't have a washer and dryer, she brings her clothes over, and somehow, I end up doing them. It's like my son got married, and I gained another load of towels.

Should I speak up, or just keep folding her laundry and praying she buys a washing machine? -- Lost For Words in Georgia


Read more... )

**********


4. Dear Annie: Hoping you can offer some advice! My son has been married for six years to a beautiful girl who rarely speaks to us and acts as though we don't exist. Her distance has gotten much worse over time, and we have no idea why. We love her and are just as kind to her as we are to our other kids and their wives. My husband and I are so sad. This has broken our hearts.

We haven't said anything because we don't want to upset our son, but lately even he appears unhappy with her attitude toward us. When we've referred to her as our daughter -- as we do our other daughter-in-law, who loves the title -- she'll say, "No, thank you. I already have a mom and dad." We've always felt as parents ourselves that you can NEVER have too many people to love your child, so we were quite hurt by that.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. She's so cold and distant toward us that even our friends and family have noticed and commented. We are good people, we stay out of our kids' business and we keep our opinions to ourselves. Our motto is, "If you want our thoughts, you'll have to ask for them." We don't meddle or cause waves ever, yet she continues to find ways to fault us for things. It's completely unsubstantiated, but it persists!

It's to the point I have so much anxiety that I've considered seeking out a therapist. This DIL is so unapproachable, so to avoid conflict, we just sweep EVERYTHING under the rug to avoid causing our sweet son any grief.

Please let us know if you have any advice. Our hearts are broken! -- Boy Momma


Read more... )
mific: (McShep Silhouette)
[personal profile] mific in [community profile] fancake
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters/Pairings: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, Evan Lorne, Radek Zelenka, Laura Cadman
Rating: Teen
Length: 7984
Content Notes: no AO3 warnings apply
Creator Links: Brumeier on AO3
Themes: Mystery and suspense, Psychic powers, Friends to lovers, Complete AU: law enforcement

Summary: Rodney had thought the worst part of his day was coming home from the office and finding a dead man in his living room. He was wrong. But the investigation brought him and John together, and that's when things really got interesting.

Reccer's Notes: This is an engaging story in which Rodney's the head of his own tech company and John's a psychic with clairvoyance and precognitition who works with Lorne, a detective. They get called in when Rodney finds a dead stranger in his apartment, leading to an investigation. The story revolves around Rodney's reactions to John's abilities (mistrust gradually changing to fascination), all while being attracted to him. John is troubled, mostly seeing death and being able to locate killers, after being traumatised by his mother's death. Until he meets Rodney! :D It's romantic, with an interesting plot - an excellent read.

Fanwork Links: Born Under a Bad Sign

(no subject)

Nov. 23rd, 2025 02:45 am
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly in [community profile] agonyaunt
My mother-in-law is always on a diet. Her house also happens to be where the family gathers monthly for meals. Lately, she has been serving lighter fare and no dessert so that she can eat more healthfully. We are fine with the lighter meals, but when we pushed back on dessert, she got upset and said we weren’t being supportive of her. These meals represent a tiny fraction of what she eats in a year, and I am frustrated that I have to compromise on dessert. (It doesn’t help that her diets are usually fads and not based in science.) Advice?

Read more... )

Masking.

Nov. 22nd, 2025 11:48 pm
hannah: (Travel - fooish_icons)
[personal profile] hannah
This afternoon, out on the subway, someone complained about an unpleasant smell. I looked them in the eye and didn't say anything, letting my mask do the talking. There's so many reasons to keep them on in enclosed spaces, especially enclosed spaces where people take off their shoes, and I don't see a reason to go back to breathing unfiltered subway air.

It's looking to be a family hike this Thursday, and I still don't know how to feel about it.

ClaireBell episode 4

Nov. 22nd, 2025 11:03 pm
aurumcalendula: gold, blue, orange, and purple shapes on a black background (Default)
[personal profile] aurumcalendula
spoilerly thoughts in no particular order )

I might end up making icons for this show at some point.

(no subject)

Nov. 22nd, 2025 10:13 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend is still in regular contact with his ex-girlfriend. He is her confidant, and she admits she still loves him. He keeps her posted on our relationship, which is rocky because I am jealous of their relationship. I am not allowed to set any boundaries about this.

I want to ask him to stop being her confidant and to stop telling her about our relationship. They can remain friends, just not with such intimate conversations. He absolutely refuses any boundaries because “I am not going to let you pick my friends.”

Should I just exit this situation? For context, he and I are on and off because of this, and he usually dates her again when we are off.

— Jealous


Read more... )

Challenge 198: Pumpkin Patch 6

Nov. 22nd, 2025 06:40 pm
impala_chick: (Default)
[personal profile] impala_chick in [community profile] iconthat
I hope this isn't too late. All of these are from Babygirl.

Palette № 7.
iconthat-bg1.jpeg iconthat-bg2.jpeg iconthat-bg3.jpeg iconthat-bg4a.jpeg

Alt + URLs )

it's 9 o'clock on a saturday

Nov. 22nd, 2025 09:10 pm
musesfool: lester bangs on rock'n'roll (music)
[personal profile] musesfool
I just watched that HBO documentary about Billy Joel and though it is long and a little repetitive in some ways, I thought it was well worth watching. I learned a lot that I never knew about him.

In a brief work update, they did finally announce the new CEO on Thursday, but for some reason*, the current board chair refused to give a quote for the press release, so they had the person we think is going to be the new board chair (still a secret for some reason!) give a quote instead.

*now my boss and I are speculating that she had backed a different candidate for the job and is taking it personally that she did not get her way, but that is absolutely just speculation and may be unfair to her. We just can't think of another reason why she's been so weird about the whole thing.

Yesterday was busy with committee meetings, and I logged off at about 4:45 and crashed hard into a two-hour nap, and then slept nine hours when I went back to bed for the night.

I can't believe Thanksgiving is this Thursday. Where did this entire year go?

***
petra: Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, and Han Solo beaming at each other (Star Wars OT3 - Yavin)
[personal profile] petra
Leave me a comment with a fandom I know + pair/group + kink, or just a kink, and I will write a Wanksgiving IV: A New Hope drabble (or more) of smut for you, to be revealed this coming Thursday.

Extra bonus points for scenarios having to do with this year's Wanksgiving theme. But you knew that, didn't you?
asakiyume: (Hades)
[personal profile] asakiyume
Was feeling somewhat November down but cheered myself immensely by watching Bad Bunny in an SNL skit about K-Pop Demon Hunters (which film I watched to keep up with the under-twelve crowd and ended up taking a shine to). I followed this up by getting some of the tracks from the film and then had my day completely made by the fact that I could also purchase the songs in Portuguese. So now I can listen to "Golden" ... or I can listen to "Brilho." {~ ~WINNING~ ~} I didn't care so much for the demon boy-band's main song, but it gains a certain je ne sais quoi (or eu não sei o quê) when sung in Portuguese.

Today at Y's house I asked her middle (13) and youngest (9) sons if they'd heard of the film (OH yes) and if they thought it was just for girls or for everyone. "It's for everyone," declared the nine-year-old. "Play 'Takedown.'" So I played 'Takedown,' and he started singing along.

Speaking of that song, one thing I liked in the movie was the lead singer questioning (for selfish reasons, but still) its no-holds-barred hate of demons. She fools around with changing "When your patterns start to show / It makes the hatred wanna grow" to "When your patterns start to show / I see the pain that lies below," and when her bandmate questions her tinkering, she asks, "Do you really think this is the right song to beat [the demon lord]?" In a meta sense, I think it's interesting to have a work of art, especially one as highly processed and focus-grouped as this one must have been, talking explicitly about messaging and what artists put out in the world.

LOL, how to nerd out over the poppiest of pop culture.
petra: Text: "Gotta be one around here somewheres. Try the liberal call, boy." (Bloom County - Liberal Call)
[personal profile] petra
Mayor-Elect Mamdani was asked whether Trump is a fascist, and Trump's response to his hesitation was to say it was fine, and he could say it.

On the same day a bunch of Democrats in the House voted to condemn socialism.

I'm glad this timeline has you in it, dear reader, because the political side of things is driving me bananas.

I'm also glad the timeline has people in it who see this as a great opportunity to get in on the ground floor of a hot new RPS ship. I have zero desire to read the stories, but I love that they exist.
isis: (squid etching)
[personal profile] isis
But I was flying back from the Bay Area on Wednesday, and catching up with things the last few days, and heading down to the Phoenix area on Monday for a Thanksgiving Week vacation, so it's now or never.

This past trip was to visit my brother and his family, and also to do crosswords and cryptics with his group, who I meet every Saturday morning on a Zoom-equivalent for puzzling; I was there in person two years ago and wanted to do it again. But since I was going to be in the area I coordinated with an OTW meet-up group for dim sum on Sunday and met several of my fellow tag wranglers and other volunteers, and then got together with [personal profile] hamsterwoman for a lovely afternoon of chatting and walking and sightseeing along the Embarcadero.

So, part of traveling is being on planes! And being on planes means lots of time for reading! I had been intrigued by a Yuletide promo post about a book duology, and though I didn't manage to get to it before Yuletide, I did find it at my library in time for this trip:

The Philosopher's Flight and The Philosopher's War by Tom Miller - this is an alt-history set in World War I with an odd kind of magic, "empirical philosophy", which involves drawing arcane sigils with different materials to do things like make plants grow faster, heal the sick, fly, and summon the wind. It's dominated by women, who are generally more talented at it, but the protagonist of the series is a young man who dreams of following in his mother's footsteps as a rescue and evacuation flier (literally, flying) for the military. Alt history and unusual magic systems are catnip for me, but I was a little worried that it being about the rare talented man in a woman's field would detract.

Actually, it was fun and funny, and inverted some sexist tropes and history in an entertaining way. Robert is not better than all the women, he's just pretty good, and better than most men. And seeing how the system is rigged against him in ways both overt and inherent holds up a mirror to real-world sexism: he has to work twice as hard to be considered half as good as a woman, he needs a special dispensation to study sigilry at Radcliffe, and a (female) general's recommendation to join the rescue corps, where he's called Sigilwoman 3rd Class, and addressed as "ma'am" - but eventually is regarded by the women around him as their "little brother", and distinguishes himself in his work as equal to his "sisters". A thoughtful treatment of politics and the military, too, and loads of unintended consequences wherever you turn. I enjoyed it!

What I've recently finished watching:

S3 of The Diplomat, but woohoo, that was a fun one. A little more relationship drama than I personally would have liked, but it was interesting to watch Kate basically being Hal while being oblivious to that fact, and also, people being shitty to each other while also acting in what they honestly perceived as being in the best interest of their country (or the world), and also, how actions have (often unintended, see above) consequences, and you just have to grit your teeth and deal. Also, can I just say how great it was to see a competent president? Especially a competent female president, who gives no fucks as to what she looks like to people who at the end of the day don't matter, for the important things. (Not that she's not flawed, but still. Better than the actual venial disaster we have.)

While I was at my brother's, we watched the French stop-motion animated comedy A Town Called Panic, which was an absurd fantasy-adventure delight. I laughed a lot! It was very weird! One of my nieces insisted I watch a couple of episodes of Bee and Puppycat with her, and - that was also very weird. I am not really sure what it is about! It is a cartoon about a girl and her possibly alien pet, who brings her to ... an interspacial temp agency? I may actually try to watch it more seriously this winter while riding the stationary bike, it's very pretty, and part of my ??? is that I couldn't hear the audio very well, but if I watch it at home at least I can use subtitles (and headphones).

We are now watching S4 of The Witcher.

What I'm playing now:

I finished Monument Valley, and have started poking at Monument Valley 2 (put it on my laptop and played a little while I was in California). I also have started playing Marvel's Spider-Man Remastered, though I'm not sure I'm going to stick (heh) with it. It's really designed for a controller, so that's what I'm using (and the haptic feedback is nifty) but I also suck at using a controller, so my web-swinging movement is far from smooth and combat is mostly random button-mashing. I also feel like it's very distracting, with all of the CRIMES! I'm supposed to go stop while I'm just trying to get to my next quest!

So as I mentioned last time, B started playing Horizon Forbidden West and I've been looking over his shoulder every so often because I loved that game. Finally I decided...to start a NG+! Which I've never done. I never replay games! I tried to replay Dragon Age II and it annoyed me so much I didn't even get to Kirkwall. But I went right through the tutorial (fun!) and into Chainscrape, and..I might keep playing? We shall see! I've turned up the difficulty since I'm so buff and have so much gear. I think I need to look up how these things go...

(no subject)

Nov. 21st, 2025 11:23 pm
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Annie: I've always had a complicated relationship with my older sister, "Beth." She's the golden child -- successful, pretty, everyone's favorite. I'm more of the quiet one. I've never resented her accomplishments, but I've spent years feeling like I'm living in her shadow.

Recently, something strange happened. I got offered a promotion at work that would put me in a leadership role over a project Beth's company is contracted on. It's a huge opportunity. When I told my parents, they were polite but not enthusiastic. My mom actually said, "Well, let's hope that doesn't make things awkward for Beth."

Beth hasn't said much, just a text that said "Congrats," with a period. Not even an exclamation point.

Part of me wants to let it go and focus on the win. But another part of me feels really, really sad, like I'm still chasing approval I'll never get. I don't want this old family dynamic to steal the joy from something I worked hard for.

How do I celebrate myself without needing my family to do it with me? And is it worth trying to fix something that maybe they don't even think is broken? -- Out of the Shadow


Read more... )

Are there bears in the forest?

Nov. 21st, 2025 10:00 pm
petra: Barbara Gordon smiling knowingly (Default)
[personal profile] petra
I have more than the minimum word count of my Yuletide story and a vague ambition for how it will go from here. It is not done, but it is well and truly begun.

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