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incidental string quartets
Thing I did today that makes me awesome: assembled a piece of Ikea flat-pack furniture. By myself. With no screws left over. Which I am now sitting on. I feel good about myself.
Thing I did today that makes me slightly less awesome: drank a glass of water with a fly in it. Hmmm.
It is a quiet night in the Mousehole tonight, so I took a long long bath with the windows open and listened to the rain hitting metal outside, sonorously, and read Midnight's Children, which I have still not finished. I may, later, stretch to making stir-fry. With noodles. My life is terribly exciting right now, yes, indeed. That said, it's better tonight, and yesterday, and the day before, than it had been for a good long while; because while nothing has changed, outwardly - I am still busy and a little fraught, and as of today, have been rejected from potential training contracts five times over - I am feeling better about everything. My brain is not foggy. I'm still getting headaches, and still feeling abnormally tired, but they're just headaches, it's just tiredness; it's not soul-sucking loss of function, it's not like looking at everything through an oh-god-life-is-awful lens. So for that, I am very thankful. I feel almost normal, and like tomorrow will be good.
But, that leaves me in something of a dilemma. While I feel better, I don't know whether to chalk this up to the citalopram or not. I am actually tempted to think not - I've been told over and over that it takes a fortnight or more to build up enough to have an effect, and not only have I only been on it a week or so, I'm on a lower than standard dose. It might just be that I feel better because I feel better, because there are less opiates in my system, because I've finally got settled into a new place where I'm comfortable and happy, because the weather is changing, any number of things. And in the meantime, the citalopram is giving me a lot of side-effects. Worst of these is a much higher anxiety level, both as a baseline and with sudden nova bursts of it on top of that, which have caused no end of trouble. So I see my GP again on Tuesday, and I think I may tell her I'd rather not, if she doesn't mind. If I come off it and immediately fall into a depressed funk, well, lesson learned. But in the meantime I'm not sure I want to do this. I'll stay on it until after Thursday, so I don't get coming-off-it effects during a, er, job interview, but after that, yes.
So, I've been wandering about in a bit of a daze for a few days. I have informed![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
very_improbable that she hasn't ever met me, that me fogged and medicated is not, well, me, and the next time she meets me, therefore, will be the first time, but nevertheless, she did come and stay for a couple of days, most of which were spent lazing about the place. On Friday night we went up to the Sleeper Service to see luminometrice and triptogenetica, who have just moved in, and who fed us handsomely. I, being somewhat drugged, got rather drunk rather quickly. No one seemed to hold this against me. It was a lovely, lovely evening, with plenty of silly jokes and ice-cream and people saying, "Well, who the fuck is Sarah Palin?"
(Yes, about Sarah Palin. As someone who was quite a vocal supporter of Hillary Clinton, it all makes me sad. I mean, I'm a woman. I'm also smart. (And these facts have nothing to do with each other.) If I got to vote in this election, I would still be smart. There's lots of debate flying about, but my thought is, this isn't sophisticated discourse; it's not sophisticated to argue that women will vote for Sarah Palin because she's a woman. Maybe some will, I don't know, but those women aren't co-referential with the women who supported Hillary Clinton, and they certainly aren't co-referential with, you know, feminists. Apologies for stating the utterly bloody obvious, but, yes, sometimes I take pleasure in doing that. Unrelatedly, she's the governor of Alaska. Wow. I am always amazed Alaska exists.)
Other things of note: the Guardian reviews a book about what we're all doing wrong; it is ten items or fewer; why being an Indian woman is difficult, delightful and occasionally just ludicrous.
And, finally. A request passed along fromshimgray: he's looking for images and pieces of film that somehow embody the theme of "forgiveness"; more details.
And. Tomorrow we will have a kitten. Life is definitely on the up.
Thing I did today that makes me slightly less awesome: drank a glass of water with a fly in it. Hmmm.
It is a quiet night in the Mousehole tonight, so I took a long long bath with the windows open and listened to the rain hitting metal outside, sonorously, and read Midnight's Children, which I have still not finished. I may, later, stretch to making stir-fry. With noodles. My life is terribly exciting right now, yes, indeed. That said, it's better tonight, and yesterday, and the day before, than it had been for a good long while; because while nothing has changed, outwardly - I am still busy and a little fraught, and as of today, have been rejected from potential training contracts five times over - I am feeling better about everything. My brain is not foggy. I'm still getting headaches, and still feeling abnormally tired, but they're just headaches, it's just tiredness; it's not soul-sucking loss of function, it's not like looking at everything through an oh-god-life-is-awful lens. So for that, I am very thankful. I feel almost normal, and like tomorrow will be good.
But, that leaves me in something of a dilemma. While I feel better, I don't know whether to chalk this up to the citalopram or not. I am actually tempted to think not - I've been told over and over that it takes a fortnight or more to build up enough to have an effect, and not only have I only been on it a week or so, I'm on a lower than standard dose. It might just be that I feel better because I feel better, because there are less opiates in my system, because I've finally got settled into a new place where I'm comfortable and happy, because the weather is changing, any number of things. And in the meantime, the citalopram is giving me a lot of side-effects. Worst of these is a much higher anxiety level, both as a baseline and with sudden nova bursts of it on top of that, which have caused no end of trouble. So I see my GP again on Tuesday, and I think I may tell her I'd rather not, if she doesn't mind. If I come off it and immediately fall into a depressed funk, well, lesson learned. But in the meantime I'm not sure I want to do this. I'll stay on it until after Thursday, so I don't get coming-off-it effects during a, er, job interview, but after that, yes.
So, I've been wandering about in a bit of a daze for a few days. I have informed
very_improbable that she hasn't ever met me, that me fogged and medicated is not, well, me, and the next time she meets me, therefore, will be the first time, but nevertheless, she did come and stay for a couple of days, most of which were spent lazing about the place. On Friday night we went up to the Sleeper Service to see luminometrice and triptogenetica, who have just moved in, and who fed us handsomely. I, being somewhat drugged, got rather drunk rather quickly. No one seemed to hold this against me. It was a lovely, lovely evening, with plenty of silly jokes and ice-cream and people saying, "Well, who the fuck is Sarah Palin?" (Yes, about Sarah Palin. As someone who was quite a vocal supporter of Hillary Clinton, it all makes me sad. I mean, I'm a woman. I'm also smart. (And these facts have nothing to do with each other.) If I got to vote in this election, I would still be smart. There's lots of debate flying about, but my thought is, this isn't sophisticated discourse; it's not sophisticated to argue that women will vote for Sarah Palin because she's a woman. Maybe some will, I don't know, but those women aren't co-referential with the women who supported Hillary Clinton, and they certainly aren't co-referential with, you know, feminists. Apologies for stating the utterly bloody obvious, but, yes, sometimes I take pleasure in doing that. Unrelatedly, she's the governor of Alaska. Wow. I am always amazed Alaska exists.)
Other things of note: the Guardian reviews a book about what we're all doing wrong; it is ten items or fewer; why being an Indian woman is difficult, delightful and occasionally just ludicrous.
And, finally. A request passed along from
shimgray: he's looking for images and pieces of film that somehow embody the theme of "forgiveness"; more details.And. Tomorrow we will have a kitten. Life is definitely on the up.
my apologies for multiple edits
Unlike Delaware. Clearly Joe Biden is a mass hallucination. disclaimer: point nicked from
Also, I meant to email you about the Tesco article! Which really annoys me, insofar as one can get passionate about supermarket checkout signs, because I am a smart person with a good command of English and I often find it unclear whether "up to" is inclusive or exclusive. "Ten items or less" might be ungrammatical, but at least it's clear. /rant
ETA: Oh, and obviously, talk to me about crazy meds (http://www.crazymeds.us/) any time - I had the opposite reaction to citalopram, ie it took my anxiety levels back down to normal after Prozac playing merry hell with them, which just shows how much things vary from person to person, but still. Also TOMORROW! Omg! I will visit, maybe even next weekend? xxx
Re: my apologies for multiple edits
"Ten items or less", it dawns on me, isn't ungrammatical if you can show that the supermarket would be amenable to your cutting a bit off each item. (And yes, "up to" is not clear, I quite agree.)
Citalopram is not my friend, there may well be flailing. Am hoping this is all a sign that I'm now okay without stronger drugs than paracetamol. (Also: have just followed link, had a dig around, discovered that in Americaland is possible to pay $87 for thirty tablets. omg. omg. That is just... omg.)
TOMORROW! Next weekend probably good, actually; let me run past the others, but is certainly fine by me. Come back, yooooooou. <3
Re: my apologies for multiple edits
Also it mentions on there that anger is a manic behaviour which it would have been nice if my gp knew when he kept upping my prozac dose back during my grunge period...
Still, citalopram works well for people i know who've had it, and it can work that quickly, drug companies just cover their backs as everyone's different and they test on gerbils so what the hell do they know?
Incidentally, firefox thinks that citalopram is in fact 'extramarital' spelt incorrectly...
Re: my apologies for multiple edits
"uncertainty over whether the current notices should use "fewer" instead of "less""
Uncertainty? What uncertainty? Unless this is just an indication that even after being told, Tesco's sign-making staff still can't understand simple rules of grammar. 'Ten items or less' is clear but ungrammatical. 'Up to ten items' is grammatical but unclear. 'Ten items or fewer' is clear and grammatical, but it seems that Tesco believes the extra syllable might be a bit too taxing for customers to understand...
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OTOH, I was on amitriptyline last year to help with the pain and the lack of sleep from the pain in my back and it kicked in within a day or two...and immediately stopped me having any migraines or headaches until I stopped taking it!
Best plan is always to talk to your doctor. It could be that with fewer headaches and less exhaustion, you're just feeling better. Whether that's the drug or an improvement in whatever is going on will be impossible to tell without some experimentation. Sounds like you have the experimentation idea already in mind :-) Doctors hate to see us in pain, particularly if they don't know why, so they aren't always that keen on patients attempting to establish their own drug regimen. I found that after a while I know what to do when I'm having a bad patch and I think that in many cases patients know their own bodies much better than the docs.
And now I shall stop being the stranger babbling in your LJ with little helpful to add :-)
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I came off it when my back started to return to normal (for me), but I wouldn't object to it if I got back into that state and the doc proposed it again.
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(Babble all you like, I appreciate it. :))
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I'd just like to sadly offer hugs in recognising the feeling of feeling better (or indeed worse) and never knowing whether it's because of the tablets, or the weather, or life-events, or the fact it's a Tuesday... Yes. *hugs*
Also, every time Leo McGarry says 'big block of cheese' I think of you.
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I am very glad you're liking TWW; it is the best thing ever.
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And as someone who professionally has spent too much time in supermarkets for 2+ years now, it doesn't matter what the signs say. People aren't going to read it anyway!
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Tesco is silly, and should be hit with things; I can attest to exactly how horrifying Indian underthings are (v.). Also! Am glad you are feeling better, and hope that things look up (further up?) very soon.
Re: my apologies for multiple edits
I'm trying to think of a phrasing for the Tesco which is both grammatical and clear. "No more than ten items"? It would be easy if they'd just use mathematical notation ("Items < 11"), but I guess that might confuse more people than it helped.
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