raven: Karen Gillan as Amy Pond, wearing green and red and looking up (Default)
So, A. said half-joking last night that it was a shame I wasn’t going to be on the morning train that passed the Flying Scotsman, it’d be the one before. I considered it for a bit and thought, well, I can get up twenty minutes earlier, maybe, though it’s a silly and foolish whim (self, why are you such a nerd and such a multidimensional one at that).

Friends, it was a great decision. The 7.45am Cambridge > King’s Cross train is a lonesome creature. It’s usually silent save for snoring and the tapping of keys and it crams up with people and misery after Royston. I sat by the window watching it cross the frosted landscape and started seeing people on the trackside, in the station car parks, on the ridges in farmland which pass for elevation in Cambridgeshire. There were people standing with binoculars on bridges and people dotted like stars across the fields. I was following along with realtimetrains, which is a great resource that not a lot of people seem to know about, and that was fun in itself –watching the train I was on cross its passing points, and watching as the other train got closer. A little way along from Stevenage there was a whole family holding up their kids on the garden fence to see, and then the 7.45 crossed the Flying Scotsman at Welwyn.

I only had a glimpse of it – the faceplate, the billowing steam, the fresh paint – but that's okay! It was beautiful regardless. The BBC described its departure from King’s Cross amid a cloud of mist as something out of a British Pathé newsreel; on the suburban commuter platforms at 7.30 in the morning it seemed like a dream.

Here’s the thing, though: so many people. People pressed against trackside fences. A man opposite me on the 7.45 who perked up from commuter somnambulism at the words “Flying Scotsman”! Some guys in Network Rail high-vis standing around the trackside, very ostentatiously not doing any work. Crowds crammed onto platforms three deep at the arse-end of the morning, happy and excited. It was freezing overnight and the wind was biting and people had been standing there since dawn to see it flash past at eighty miles an hour. I feel much better about the whole godforsaken world.

Random things spotted on the internet:

-The BBC's live blog of the entire journey, now the train has arrived in York;

-Great Northern at Welwyn, ruining someone’s life as ever – this was the train I was on!;

-The namesake electric Flying Scotsman passes the LNER Flying Scotsman somewhere near Peterborough, despite several hours’ head start.

I am shortly to stop commuting on this line, after two and a half years; this was the way to see it out.
raven: black and white street sign: "Hobbs Lane" (quatermass - hobbs end)
Oh, friends, I am discouraged and mostly broken. Writing is terrible. I'm stuck right in the middle of a slough of despond about the stupid novel - it's a terrible book, even if it's not a terrible book it's a book about things literally only I care about, no actually it's a terrible book, it will never be finished and I will be writing it forever, and it will still be TERRIBLE - and the house move is, well, not. It's not off. But it's not on. It's glorious limbo. It's not glorious. I have a death-rattle cough and am miserably ill inna head but I have not been able to not work, which has not been excellent. (As ever, the job is a little more important than - well, me.)

Enough of that. About the only thing that has cheered me this week is Kings Rising, the last Captive Prince book.

books one and two, minor spoilers )

I feel like this is a lot more about me, and my id and kinks, than it is the book? But I suppose that's the risk with something like this.

book three )

Ex Machina

Feb. 6th, 2016 10:07 pm
raven: subway sign in black and white, text: "Times Square / 42 Street station" (stock - times square)
So today I decided to break my streak of going-into-London-thirteen-days-in-a-row! It was a good choice. I spent some of the day literally lying on the couch with my face in the cushions. But I also wrote a couple of thousand words, and submitted to POC Destroy SF, and read a trade paperback of the Brian Vaughan comic, Ex Machina.

Which I feel weird writing about here, because what the shit do I know about comics, nothing at all, that's what. (Fake geek girl, yep.) But, omg, you guys, I love this so much. I've just finished volume 3 (there are 10 in total, I believe) and I'm just hoping and praying it stays this good because so far it could've been made for me. Basically, the story goes like this. Mitchell Hundred, a working-class boy from Brooklyn, the only child of a single mother, grows up loving superhero comics and machines. Then, in his mid-thirties, as a civil engineer for the city, he has a strange encounter with a mysterious artefact in the water below the Brooklyn Bridge, and when he wakes up he's - changed. He can talk to machines. They do what he tells them to do.

So Mitch becomes the Great Machine, a superhero with a jetpack! With his two closest friends, they fight crime!

...and it's a total disaster. He saves some people. Like, a few. But a lot of people are very angry about it. The police commissioner tries to arrest him a couple of times. Insurance premiums are a problem. The NSA get involved. It's messy as shit. Mitch gives up superheroing and retires, and mopes, and drinks.

Then 9/11 happens.

This is a New York City that has one of the Twin Towers still on the skyline. And in the rush of public acclaim following his very visible rescue of a lot of people, Mitch runs for Mayor of New York City and wins. And that's what the comic is about. The first trade paperback is subtitled "The First Hundred Days", I love it. It doesn't have the straightforward idealism of The West Wing and Parks and Rec - for one thing, Mitch is an independent - but it's warm and loving and very invested in the idea of the city itself as a machine that only works because of the people working every day doing things like cleaning out the sewers or driving the subway trains or ploughing snow. And while there are some superhero comic plots - like the ongoing mystery of just where Mitch's powers came from - there are also complex and delightful political plots. It's the early 2000s, they do a gay marriage plot, obviously, and there's also stuff about Mitch being called for jury service and deciding to Be! An! Example! and it's all just wonderful. And my favourite bits are where the two bits of the story intersect: so there's this bit about how Mitch has a no-cell-phones no-other-technology rule in certain parts of City Hall, because machines talk to him and it's exhausting and this is a reasonable adjustment! And there's also a lurking thread I'm interested in, whereby he clearly has some kind of delayed trauma related to 9/11, but the story is spinning it out slowly.

Of course, as mentioned, I'm only at the end of volume 3 so perhaps this isn't an unqualified rec (also fake geek girl feels, omg). But I'm enjoying the hell out of it.
raven: (middleman - sleepy wendy)
Here are my [community profile] festivids recs, from a very scattershot trail through the list. I suspect - and in some cases, know - who made many of these vids, but I refrain from comment on that front.

Gonna Get Through This World (An Adventure in Space and Time)
A vid in praise of Verity Lambert and Waris Hussein. Crisp and heartfelt and with such a sense of glorious promise (I love the brief appearance of Matt Smith).

Galaxyrise (Apollo 13 and others)
A lovely vid, that is not quite fannish in sensibility - it's a vid about the idea of exploration, of what's to come. I wish I'd made it.

Firework (The Gymnast)
For a source I haven't seen and now desperately want to: it's a love story that builds and builds. I love it.

Sailboats (Master and Commander)
Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin love each other a lot, though not quite as much as they love the beautiful world around them, and the sea. This one is so meditative, so beautiful.

Rescue (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries)
THIS IS IT THIS IS THE SHOW. Phryne, and Dot, and then also Jane and Aunt Prudence, and how they don't need rescuing! Hearts in my eyes.

Say Her Name (Black Lives Matter)
A vid in praise - and in witness - of black protest, and black lives. Like the vid up above (and like more than one of the Hamilton ones, which I haven't got through yet), it's not a vid with a fannish sensibility: it's a vid that positions itself as a transformative work of art at the nexus of many complexities, many of which are so painful that perhaps art is the only thing. I don't really have the vocabulary for this one, but the vid itself does.

This Sullen Welsh Heart (Pride)
This one just - just - edges out in front to be my favourite of what I've seen. It makes really good use of all the beautiful imagery of the film, and the song choice is perfect, and put all together it's a vid about hopeless causes, and why they matter.
raven: Karen Gillan as Amy Pond, wearing green and red and looking up (Default)
I have seen Star Wars! Here are my not-very-profound thoughts on it: )

raven is also at Dreamwidth: there is or are comment count unavailable comment(s). Comment there or here.
raven: (middleman - sleepy wendy)
Happy new year, friends. I had a very pleasant new year with my people, toasting it in with champagne and singing Auld Lang Syne out of the window, with the fireworks over the river just visible above the skyline. I unashamedly love New Year - I think there are many worse things than a non-religious ritual and an excuse to sing at people in the street.

I am here just to say, hi, I wrote a story for Yuletide this year:

live inside whatever flies (1018 words) by Raven
Fandom: The Watchmaker of Filigree Street - Natasha Pulley
When Mori wakes up again, Thaniel is in his bed, his weight making dips and hollows in the sheets.

At the time, I was mostly just glad I hadn't defaulted, and it's a hard style to get down right, but I think it worked out okay in the end. And now this is 2016: which I have many hopes for, but today I hope to sleep, and to write, and paint my nails a colour that isn't blood-red.
raven: (middleman - sleepy wendy)
I just finished The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison. (Who is - to save y'all my strained thought processes - the same person as Sarah Monette! She's the same person who wrote Mélusine, the tortured terrifying idfic of my inner teenager's heart!) But The Goblin Emperor is not like that at all. Well, it's a secondary world fantasy of elves and - surprise! - goblins, with a very little magic and also airships. It is not at all the sort of thing I like, except I loved it, it made me happier than any book has in a long time.

Here is the non-spoilery premise: Maia, who is half-goblin half-elf and the despised exiled last son of the emperor, is woken up one evening by a messenger who tells him that his father and all his brothers have died in a freak airship accident and he needs to come home and be crowned. The court is complex and full of warring factions; no one there knows him and many people already hate him; his merest courtier has had about ten years' more education than he has; also his abusive guardian is coming with. He is eighteen years old and terrified. Hijinks, as they say, ensue.

I didn't think I would like this. I loved it. Without spoiling it too much, but spoiling it a little )

I've seen criticism of this book that suggests it's too nice, it's too lovely, it's just too damn delightful. I'm not unsympathetic to that criticism in general - I've levelled it at other books, most recently Gentleman Jole and the Red Queen - but on the one hand, I think the narrative does earn it for the most part, and on the other, I don't care. Here at the dying end of the old year I am glad to have read something so sustaining. I don't think it's a coincidence that I was recommended this book by one of my colleagues, who has been seen reading it with one hand outstretched loosely over a sandwich. Having had a great deal of my faith in human nature eroded this year, it has been so nice to sit here and read five hundred pages of people being people: kind, decent, moral people, as much as they can be, in troubling circumstances, which is more than a little. Such a gift.
raven: (vorkosigan - creepy planetary conquest)
that was the year that was; my goodness I talk a lot )

An older version of this meme asked for a song lyric, or a life lesson, or some such good place to end. In lieu of both, here is something I have been listening to a lot just recently: from Lin-Manuel Miranda's first musical, In The Heights, "Alabanza".
raven: subway sign in black and white, text: "Times Square / 42 Street station" (stock - times square)
As we all know, friends, my misanthropy is great and awesome on Christmas Day. I am in the Frozen North; it is raining; I have slept very little, and written about two paragraphs about my spies, and all is as ever. But I've had a very quick look at the Yuletide archive and here we are. (I made out like a bandit!)

Firstly, my gifts! Both for The Watchmaker of Filigree Street, both just lovely:

A Different Sort of Complicated (1592 words) by Anonymous
Fandom: The Watchmaker of Filigree Street - Natasha Pulley
"I know you enjoy your work," said Mori. "But Parliament's about to make things more complicated."

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. A and I woke up early this morning and I was reading this at 8am with the light rising over the woods and saying, over and over, "Someone wrote me a fic about the Labouchere Amendment. Someone wrote me a fic about the Labouchere Amendment!"

You guys, someone wrote me a fic about the Labouchere Amendment. Someone who knows me at that! It's this lovely little fic about Thaniel and Mori, settling into a quiet life together, but with the various stings and shadows of what might have been, or might be. And the Labouchere Amendment, as part of the Criminal Justice Amendment Bill 1885, has just been passed - the one that will be used to prosecute Oscar Wilde and Alan Turing (and plays a major role in my spies' story, as well). I'm so happy about this.

I also got:

Revisions (3927 words) by Anonymous
Fandom: The Watchmaker of Filigree Street - Natasha Pulley
Love and friendship, like learning another language and everything else in life, require practice to perfect.

I read this too quickly to start - 8am on Christmas Day, in bed without my glasses - and I'm glad I did reread it because it is so bloody clever. When did we meet, Thaniel asks - not for the first time, the real time, but the first maybe: and Mori tells him a long and complicated story about Thaniel as a figure with grey eyes, who appeared and disappeared in all that might be remembered. So subtle, so interesting. I love this so much.

And the fandom as a whole killed it, because I also loved:

The Watchmaker's Apprentice (3007 words)
Fandom: The Watchmaker of Filigree Street - Natasha Pulley
Thaniel and Keita form a family.

This is so sweet. So sweet, and believable, and sad in places, and aaaaah my feels.

And other things I have read and liked, in other fandoms:

The Amber Stone (2060 words) by Anonymous
Fandom: Cadfael Chronicles - Ellis Peters
In olden days, gems as well as herbs were thought to have healing powers. Cadfael knows better — but beyond the realm of knowledge, faith still remains.

This is just so good. It instantly conjures up Cadfael's quiet and beautiful world, and features Hugh Beringar and Aline, which makes me happy. It has one line in it in particular that I adored but the whole thing is just wonderful.

A Piece in the Game (2457 words) by Anonymous
Fandom: Kim - Rudyard Kipling
Many years after the events in Kim, 1919, he is once again in play. Kim must decide whether he's Sahib or not.

This is fascinating to me. Kim, a little older, choosing between selves.

Ephialtes (5270 words)
Fandom: Doctrine of Labyrinths - Sarah Monette
Ephialtes: Lit. Jumping on you. A term for nightmares coined by Greek physician Galen, 2 CE. An anxiety disorder defined by Dr. John Bond, 1753 CE, about the sense of being crushed or sexually assaulted by an incubus which accompanied a nightmare: "As soon as they shake off that vast oppression, they are affected with a strong palpitation, great anxiety, languor, and uneasiness – which symptoms gradually abate, and are succeeded by the pleasing reflection of having escaped such imminent danger".

'ware warnings on this, friends, please. I haven't actually finished reading the Doctrine of Labyrinths books yet, mostly because they are ridiculously ridiculously long and also very traumatic, so I have to read them in short bursts and constantly text [personal profile] soupytwist my constant feels. (And also feeling grateful I didn't read them as a teenager. I mean, I would have loved them. Loved, loved, loved them and read them all at once and cried and cried and destroyed myself.) But nevertheless: this is the story of how Felix left Malkar. And it's terrifying and breaking and sad, but Felix is brave, and still able to be kind, despite everything. I liked this a lot.

A lovely Christmas to those who celebrate it, and a peaceful Friday to those who don't, and love to my fellow misanthropes. We're mulling wine. My father has accidentally bought three crates of oranges. (He said he was standing in the aisle and surrounded by people doing their Christmas shopping and couldn't move in any direction and hey look oranges.)
raven: subway sign in black and white, text: "Times Square / 42 Street station" (stock - times square)
I wrote this a little while ago for [personal profile] happydork's birthday and then, what with everything else happening, forgot all about it. Here it is.

(NB - though this is a fic for The Sparrow, a book both [personal profile] happydork and I love for the exquisiteness of its wrenching despair, there are actually no content notes for this story.)

Fic:: Tipping
by Raven
700w, The Sparrow, Emilio and John Candotti. The aircraft circles O'Hare with care, wings tipping and straightening in clean angles. John touches the glass with reverence, then Emilio's shoulder. "Look," he says.

Christmas was four days ago )
raven: white text on green and yellow background: "ten points from Gryffindor for destroying my soul" (sbp - destroying my soul)
Dear Yuletide author,

What a pleasure it will be to meet you - after all, I already know you have great taste. :) Thank you very much for writing for me. This letter is to set out various things I like and don't like, and a handful of prompts that happen to be in my mind, but if you have the story of your heart planned out and ready: go forth, my friend! I will love it whatever it is. These details are only if you'd like them.

Just so you know, I have no triggers or squicks. I'm ophiodophobic, but not in text format.

Generally, here are some things I like:

-Dialogue, wit, banter. Straight-up competence and people being good at what they love. Found families and unusual friendships. Queer gen. Quiet moments between people amidst crisis, and otherwise. A sense of place.

Things I don't like:

-PWPs, and changing characters' queernesses (straightening queer characters, or making bisexual characters straight/gay - if on the other hand you want to queer up the straight characters, I am here for that!).

In terms of ships, go wild - I'm good with anything you like, if you want to make the attempt to convince me.

Fandoms:

Hilary Tamar mysteries )

A Spy Among Friends )

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street )

Grantchester )

A final note: even those who love me best could not honourably describe me as a ray of sunshine. (Perhaps you know me, and know this already.) Which is to say, if the story of your heart is a sad one, or a dark one, or with a bittersweet resolution - I want to hear it. Equally if it's a joyful fluffy delight! But just in case, I mention it.


Just for your reference: my AO3 name is [archiveofourown.org profile] singlecrow.

All best to you:
raven
raven: (misc - inside the box)
Friends, let's talk about Ancillary Mercy. I loved it so much I can't even formulate a coherent review of it. I just, the previous two books I enjoyed a great deal, yes, but I was always vaguely dubious about where the huge space opera plots were going to go and whether it would be in a way that was satisfying for the immediate story, the characters and their arcs. Spoilers: she knocked it out of the park, oh my goodness.

Some more specific things I loved:

spoilers )
raven: (middleman - sleepy wendy)
I read this novel on [personal profile] happydork's advice because it sounded amazingly relevant to my interests! And it was; but quite apart from all the parts where it seemed to have been written for me personally (historical fantasy! beleaguered civil servants! shy queers!) it's a beautiful, affecting, melancholy book that I really loved a whole lot, and this is an unqualified recommendation.

So it's 1884 in a steampunk-inflected London, and Nathaniel Steepleton is a Home Office telegraphist who despises his employer the same way I despise his employer. Thaniel (his father was Nat; it's a choice he makes) works the night shift and his life is small and dark, haunted by poverty and the sulphurous fumes on the Underground; soon after the novel begins he turns twenty-five, and is frozen by the knowledge that this is not where he wanted his life to be.

But - there are flashes of something else. There's Thaniel's prodigious musical talent, which he can never quite put away, though he tries; there's his ritualistic insistence on good tea, which he carves space for out of the night shift; and with it, there's the interesting fact that although it's 1884 and he doesn't know the word, he has synaesthesia. And then one day he lives through a terrorist bombing and meets a watchmaker called Keita Mori, who is such an accomplished craftsman that his clockwork trees grow and his clockwork octopus steals Thaniel's ties, and the rest - is not history, exactly. It's complicated.

In the background of those two, there's also Ito, who is an even more beleaguered civil servant than Thaniel is, and Grace, an Oxford physicist, who is busy sneaking into libraries dressed as a man while trying to experimentally prove the existence of luminiferous ether - which you wouldn't think was very relevant to clockwork or telegraphy, but it is.

And, having said all of that, it's hard to explain anything else about the novel without major spoilers, so but I think it's not revealing too much to say Thaniel's life fills with light after he meets Mori; that their friendship and eventual romance is beautifully realised but comes on soft feet, so you don't know what's happening until it's happened around you. One thing that is absolutely vital to this novel is that you read every word. Which is fine! I shouldn't skim-read novels, but I do, we all do, and I had to consciously stop myself and slow down for this. (There's a point, quite late on in the book, where one character hits another character on the head, and if you only half-read that sentence, you would have no idea.) Once I realised that, the whole thing transformed in my hands into something with all the filigree-delicacy the title suggests; it's really all there, in the details, this lovely story and lovely romance.

spoilery commentary )

It's beautiful. I wish I'd written it.
raven: subway sign in black and white, text: "Times Square / 42 Street station" (stock - times square)
I suppose I've been waiting for the perfect moment to write up various things; life being what it is, the perfect moment won't come. So here are three things:

1. My friends got married. [personal profile] such_heights and [personal profile] happydork are two of my dearest and oldest friends; I introduced them to each other at a birthday party I had a few years ago. Two nights before the wedding I slipped out of work a little early and the three of us went to a friend's book-signing at Forbidden Planet (the friend is Zen Cho, and her debut novel, Sorcerer to the Crown, is a very enjoyable and necessary book); we went to get our books signed ("Your real fans have gone," K said, "now it's just us jerks") and afterwards we went across to a diner towards Shaftesbury Avenue to get what was supposed to be a quick dinner before I had to run home. We talked about the wedding and other things; I ordered sweet potato pancakes and Katy ate half of them; it was quite ordinary, and at the same time not, the way everything just before a wedding or a change in the season acquires a textured significance.

After we'd eaten the waitress came to the table with a banana boat covered in three kinds of ice-cream and chopped nuts and strawberry sauce and said to K & A, "So, you're getting married, congratulations, this is just a little thing, it's on us" - and the other waitresses were smiling and waving and looking a little embarrassed, and the three of us ate it with a reverent regard for how queerness is a great battle, that to live an apolitical queer life is not yet in prospect, but of small pebbles arise great avalanches and some of them are made of banana.

At the wedding I was the emcee, wearing a top hat and introducing the speakers; I didn't do it particularly well, because I think to do that sort of thing it helps if you have a little distance from proceedings, which I did not have; I had been quietly destroyed by a vote of thanks from the brides, who gave me the top hat as a gift, and a book, as another; given with the sort of heart's words that keep you warm in winter.

2. A. and I have been married for two years. Our anniversary was on September 21st and mostly went unremarked upon; we raised a glass to it, then went for dinner and talked about things over good food and English wine. We were married on the autumnal equinox, at a time of year I always associate with gunpowder in the air and all things changing - so perhaps it's for the best that this is the thing that doesn't, given all the other things.

3. Our house in Cambridge is sold subject to contract; we have a firm offer on a flat in north London, subject to full structural survey.
raven: subway sign in black and white, text: "Times Square / 42 Street station" (stock - times square)
Hello, internet. I am in Kyle of Lochalsh. This is the most remote point on the British rail network - three trains a day come in from Inverness, and three return, and that is all. Air BnB supplied a disused signalbox by the trackside, converted into a tiny little living space; from the window I can see through to the curve of the station, beyond which nothing follows. Kyle of Lochalsh was the port for the ferry to Skye, before they built the Skye bridge; now it's a nowhere place, somewhere on the way to somewhere. Though the local cafes make a lot of calling it rathad nan eilean, the road to the isles, which I suppose it is because everywhere's on the way to somewhere, there is something rather enormous and strange about seeing the railway end, the buffers, and then the land slipping away into the water. This is it. Nowhere else to go.

So far, I have woken briefly at the train passing through; bought a prawn roll from a seafood stall ("Can you wait a minute? We've just had the delivery and we're peeling as fast as we can!"); eavesdropped on three boys discussing in Bengali the merits of the mixed-seafood option; drunk coffee in the rain on the platform, waiting for A. to appear off a train, watching the clouds gathering over the Cuillin. And then the train came and for five minutes Kyle of Lochalsh station was the centre of the universe, and then slowly the people disappeared, and the gulls were screeching above the harbour, and apart from that everything was quiet.

I am going to visit Sabhal Mor Ostaig while I'm here. (I was scared to email them. They turned out to be completely charming people. "Madainn mhath Iona", they write, as though that were quite a normal thing.) Other than that, I am going to write, and watch six trains a day come past the window - three from Inverness, and three returning.
raven: black and white street sign: "Hobbs Lane" (quatermass - hobbs end)
I wrote a long post here about my job and then deleted it because - well, horrible indiscretion. Here, have some gallows humour )

I am not sure right now if I am feeling a little depressed or just sick at heart.

Er, things and stuff, in no particular order. I went to Nine Worlds! I helped run a track and I moderated a panel on worldbuilding in Star Trek ("All These Worlds Are Ours" - it was beautiful.) The convention was not as enjoyable as previous years for various reasons, but what was good about it was very good about it and I should make a proper post about that. Sometime.

Writing is a plague on me. I can't not. And when I try, I am completely overtaken by the feeling that my ability has long ago been outstripped by my ambition. I am trying to write 300 words a day of my novel and worrying that it's being infected by my state of mind. (It has a body count it didn't have six months ago.)

I have read a lot of good books recently. Sorcerer to the Crown, by Zen Cho (which I lliked); The Ghost Network by Catie Disabo (which I also liked, and which was so ridiculously relevant to my interests that it's possible it was written just for me); Space Hostages by Sophia McDougall (more delightful YA in space); nearly the entire series of Cadfael mysteries by Ellis Peters (love, love, love, though I have stopped after reading nine of them in a row because my prose is taking on a mediaeval quality); the four Hilary Tamar books, by Sarah Caudwell, which are convoluted murder mysteries related by a gender non-specific narrator and investigated by a group of queer, beautiful and hapless members of the Chancery Bar. They are probably among the most perfect things I have ever read. Here is a bit from the second book, The Shortest Way To Hades:

“You will be interested to hear, Hilary, that it [the drug] had a most remarkable effect — even on Selena after a very modest quantity. She cast off all conventional restraints and devoted herself without shame to the pleasure of the moment.“

I asked for particulars of this uncharacteristic conduct.

"She took from her handbag a paperback edition of Pride and Prejudice and sat on the sofa reading it, declining all offers of conversation.”


Now I am reading The Sparrow, on [personal profile] happydork's recommendation, and feeling rather comforted by it so far. Such elegance in despair.

There is a love meme, friends. Here is my thread. I can't blush in asking for love at this time.
raven: subway sign in black and white, text: "Times Square / 42 Street station" (stock - times square)
I keep wanting to make a giant post of What I'm Reading and What I'm Watching, but I... don't. I blame my job, which is hard, right now, in both senses of the word. (A passing word from a distant colleague, last week, delivered with austere kindness: "You can try, but you can't hold back the tide.")

Quite.

So I'm reading and watching stuff and hanging out with friends and the part of my brain that writes has the lights turned out but that's okay, for now. I'm trying to be kind to self. Last weekend I went to [community profile] vidukon_cardiff and while I had a lovely time, I don't actually have a lot to say about it. I hung out with people I love; I drank cocktails with double cream; I enjoyed Welsh bilingual signage; Iwatched some vids; I came home happy. I enjoyed a lot of the premiering vids - two of my favourites were "Uptown Funk" by [personal profile] such_heights (it's Parks and Recreation, by which I mean, it's the show, it's my show) and "Touch The Sky" by [personal profile] cosmic_llin, a delightful multifandom vid about young girls and women - but the one that really, really stayed with me is "Wasteland", by [personal profile] amnisias. This is a simple, linear vid for the ITV show, Grantchester, to a lovely slice of bourbon-laced Americana (which is a lot more relevant to a sleepy drama about an English parish priest in the 1950s than you might think, at first). It's a beautiful vid and as a result of it I have watched the entire show in the last few days and it's made me so uncomplicatedly happy, so I'm here to tell you about it.

Grantchester - no spoilers )

Wow that is quite a lot more than I meant to write. Er: in brief, it's a beautiful show, the writing is beautiful, the scenery porn is beautiful, the cast is preternaturally beautiful (bisexualists of the world unite) and if you spend the first two episodes wondering where you've seen James Norton before, the answer is possibly on his knees before the Empress of Blandings, yelling, "Pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey!"

In the meantime: it's 9.48pm and there's enough light in the sky to read by. I'm still here.
raven: subway sign in black and white, text: "Times Square / 42 Street station" (stock - times square)
Friends! hello. I feel like I don't talk much about things as they go past, these days, and I ought to. My new year's resolution this year was to enjoy more about my charmed life as it happens to me, rather than always driving towards something new. So I am in the habit now of making lists of things that make me happy each day - and if that all sounds rather nineties-self-help-book, the one rule of the game is that it has to be something that did make me happy, and not something that ought to have done. So the lists are all things like "new flavour of Kellogg's breakfast biscuit" and "I got a desk at work today" and "my boss said my grounds of defence were beautiful" and "there was an extra egg in my soup" and "my new dress has a cute dipped hem" and "Jack and Phryne flirted in tonight's Miss Fisher" and "A. told me I was pretty".

(I don't actually think small things are enough for happiness. I think you need deep water for contentment. But I'm no good at surface ripples and that's what this is.)

So I was on holiday! Several days in New York - we got an Air BnB in Williamsburg, which was super hipster but kind of delightful with it; we bought a lot of books at the Strand, hung out with [personal profile] macadamanaity, went to bars, sat in parks, and really didn't very much of note. It was what I wanted. And after that we went to a wedding! Some of you met my cousin N. at my wedding; well, she's married now, after a four-day extravaganza in Indianapolis the week of the Indy 500. I'm not sure what I thought of it. It was very impressive and there were a lot of people, and she seemed very happy, and I suppose that's the part that matters, so. I liked her fiancé very much. He's a nice guy from the south, where wedding traditions are very different. One of my favourites of the southern traditions is the one where the groom gets up early the day before the wedding, gets his umbrella, stick and dhoti, and declares to all that he's going to Kashi (otherwise Varanasi) to be a holy man. Oh no! shout the bride's brothers, chasing him down the street holding pictures of their sister. Don't you dare. Come back and get married.

Okay fine, he says, after they have extolled her virtues to the skies. And everyone comes back and has a decent lunch and lives happily ever after. Unless you have no brothers and have to enlist my male cousins (and my partner) to play the role, and also that your fiancé is very charming - so the boys go to get him back from Kashi, and come back declaring they, too, have seen the light, and wish to renounce all material things and walk barefoot to Varanasi with nothing but what they're standing up in. (Luckily, a family friend has a seventeen-year-old son who was quite the most sensible person in the wedding party. He single-handedly persuaded them all to once again take up the shackles of this life.)

It was a lovely wedding, actually. Lots of ceremonies and a lot of outfits, more than my tolerance for femme, but it had many sweet grace notes in between all of those things. I liked all the hanging out with my cousins, late nights and jet-lagged early mornings. And the outfits are much more bearable in retrospect. Here is a picture of me on the steps of the Indiana Statehouse:

it's quite pink )

We were due to return on the Sunday, 31 May, and accordingly decamped with an entourage to the airport. After the wedding, just getting to talk to people without rushing about and worrying about outfits and ceremonies was lovely, and I was really sorry, leaving behind my cousins and uncles and aunts and parents at the airport Starbucks. As we went through security, I turned to Shim and said, "That was fun, I wish we'd stayed another day."

Four hours' delay on the domestic. "Oh, well," said the gate agent, "you're going to miss all the transatlantic flights tonight, but we can put you in a hotel for tonight in Newark..."

"No," I said, very firmly, and we picked our bags off the carousel, went downstairs to arrivals, and met my dad doing the next of the day's runs to the airport. And it's funny how these things work, but that extra, halfway-there day, is going to stay with me as one of my favourite things that's happened to me. We went back to the house, where there were still enough guests for a moderately-sized party. We were around to see the bride and groom off on their honeymoon. We ate dosa and sambar in the cool light of the evening. In the morning we went via Dulles - where we were stuck for ten hours, four of which were spent in a plane on the tarmac with malfunctioning air conditioning - and in the end arrived home 28 hours later than planned, but you know, I don't mind? My boss answered my frantic not-coming-to-work email with, try and enjoy yourself, also I got stuck in Nigeria one time for five days, don't worry.

And I didn't. Being on the ground for that extra day was settling. I am trying to stay settled.

various;

Apr. 13th, 2015 08:29 pm
raven: black and white street sign: "Hobbs Lane" (quatermass - hobbs end)
As a lot of you know, I am in a bit of an unusual situation at the moment: I'm not working, and I don't know when I will be returning to work but it won't be for at least another week. It was a bit anxious-making at the start, especially as this would only be my first month on the job, but, you know: it's not my fault, I'm being paid, and I will have a job to go back to - so I've decided to treat it as a strange and wonderful gift and make the most of it accordingly. So! On Wednesday I finished a story; on Thursday I finished a vid; on Friday I spent my entire day in the spring sunshine in the Green Park, picnicking with dear friends; over the weekend I went on walks and spent a lot of time reading in the local hipster café; and then came today, and I've made a decision.

The decision goes like this: I have time. I have free travel into London. (Actually I have exceptionally expensive travel into London, but it's an annual season ticket.) And the sun is shining beautifully and it turns out I don't even mind cycling when it's not sleeting down at the crack of dawn! So I am going to do things I don't normally get the opportunity to do: I am going to have adventures! Today I went for a long and delightful lunch on the South Bank with [personal profile] such_heights (we talked a lot about Leslie Knope; it was the BEST) and in the afternoon I went south of the river to the Imperial War Museum.

about that )

On a kind of related note, I am reading rather a lot of non-fiction at the moment, all around a loose theme. I'm working through most of the books by the British historian Ben Mcintyre - my favourite so far has been A Spy Among Friends, an account of the life of Kim Philby which manages to be informative and academic but also occasionally wrenchingly, I-can't-read-to-the-end-of-this-page-right-now heartbreaking; there's also a book [personal profile] skygiants told me to read, Operation Mincemeat, which is the true and totally hilarious story of how a team of British eccentrics in the 1940s made up a fake dead guy carrying fake documents explaining a totally fake super-secret battle plan and dropped him on the coast off Gibraltar for the Abwehr to find. The story includes, inter alia: ping pong enthusiasts, cake-baking secret agents, a whole submarine of British soldiers putting on American accents, made-up terrible hotels, made-up angry Welsh relatives, unapologetic cross-dressing, bemused Soviet spies, and the used underwear of the recently deceased Warden of New College. (On the way out of London with the corpse, they accidentally drive straight over a roundabout. It is the most ridiculous book.)

Right now I am reading Stasiland, Anna Funder's account of how the GDR files shredded by the Stasi on the eve of reunification are being pieced together bit by bit. It's a fascinating, sad book, and kind of brings home to me, again, how recent the events depicted in it are. This is the thing about me and history, I suppose - I'm interested in what made the modern world, and my having been a PPEist I suppose is not coincidental, because PPE is really a crash course in how to understand the modern world. (Not a crash course on the world itself, not really: it leaves you with very little concrete knowledge of anything, and a great deal of willingness to believe in complexity. That was my experience of it, anyway, and despite everything I've never ever regretted doing it.) But the thing about the reunification of Germany is that I remember it, maybe. Kind of. I have a friend who divides people into her contemporaries and not-her-contemporaries by whether or not they remember the fall of the Berlin Wall, and I'm the boundary case - I was born at the start of 1987, and was just short of three by November 1989. Which I suppose means I don't really remember it - what I remember is my dad coming home, from a conference in what he thought was going to be West Berlin, and bringing me a present of a piece of the Wall. I wonder how he explained it to me-at-nearly-three. I should ask. (Maybe: this is history.)

Wow, this got a lot longer and duller than I expected it to, huh. If you have any suggestions for my adventures this week, do tell. Tomorrow I might go the Science Museum! And I will see the Magna Carta exhibition at the British Library, of course. But otherwise time stretches out wonderfully ahead.

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